All That I Am
by SuddenlySandi
Summary: Sequel to She Is His Only Need. Bella and Edward grow up and try to fix all the problems in their lives. All Human.
1. Chapter 1 thru 3

**Stephenie Meyer owns all characters. You have to read 'She Is His Only Need' first to understand this story.**

1

I walked from my office with tissue still around my neck and headed to the news desk. An intern ran forward and pulled the white paper from my blouse and I smiled thankfully at him. It was a slow news day and I had been concentrating on an upcoming fundraiser for the school I had attended as a troubled youth.

I had gone over my notes but failed to look at my co-anchors stories. I was caught off guard when an interview with the new Seahawks coach mentioned a trade involving a strong safety named Emmett McCarty. I looked up at the prompter to make sure I had heard the name correctly.

When the segment was over and the camera was tossed to me I got a bit flustered. "I happen to know Emmett and his wife Rosalie," I said with a smile.

"Maybe you can get us some tickets to next season games," Seth laughed.

I closed out the night by thanking the audience and adding, "This is Bella Black and Seth Clearwater wishing you a great night Seattle."

The cameras went dark and I stood to head out for the night. "Bella, great show," a cameraman yelled out.

"Thanks," I said as I headed out of the studio.

"Do you really know Emmett McCarty?" he called after me.

"I'll have him stop by the station," I promised and heard a buzz of excitement begin to make its way through the crew.

It would be great having Emmett and Rosalie in Seattle. I was lonely after the divorce. Not that Jake and I had much of a marriage to begin with. He had no desire to leave La Push, and was fine with me supporting him. I married him just to forget Edward, but that never happened and Jake got tired of standing in Edward's shadow.

It was just another mistake I made in a line of mistakes. I kept in touch with Angela, Jessica, and Alice, who eventually married Jasper, but I lost Edward after he began law school. Our communications got further and further apart until they stopped altogether. Jake heard from him more than I did, anyway.

Jake informed him when we married, but he never responded. I was glad; I never could have vowed to love Jake with Edward in the audience. My heart would always ache for him. I got royalty checks from the songs and saved enough to buy a condo in Seattle free and clear. I was offered the anchor position after only three years as a reporter and jumped at the chance to make a change, starting with divorcing Jake.

I got home and spread all my papers across the table as I went over every detail for the fundraiser. I was singing and had one of the reporters playing Edward's part on the piano. It was an annual event for the school and I looked forward to it every year, especially to see nine year old Lilly.

She was the spitting image of Angela, but had Esme's mannerisms down the way she rolled her eyes at Carlisle. She was their pride and joy and spoiled by all the former students.

Angela had made peace with her family and moved home after our sophomore year in college. She received pictures from Esme often and was welcome to see Lilly all she wanted, but marriage and her own children eased the pain in her heart regarding Lilly; the little girl was a Cullen through and through.

I was up, bright and early, the next day and drove to the school for the big event. Esme was carrying some posters from her car, so I waved her over. "Did you hear Emmett and Rose are coming to Seattle, the Seahawks picked him up."

"That's great, I'll throw a party," she said with a big smile. Esme was always looking for any excuse to have a house full of people.

"Where's Lilly?" I asked, dying to see my favorite girl.

"She's coming later, I didn't want to wake her too early, you know how pleasant tired little girls can be," she laughed. "Are you singing today?"

"Yes, my only contribution worth anything," I sighed.

"You do more for this school than any former student, don't discount your hard work," Esme counseled, always the therapist.

The day passed quickly and the crowd was one of the biggest yet. Lilly followed me around like a lost puppy and I was in heaven. When the sun began to set I started the concert. I usually performed for various causes around the city, but nothing pulled me into the past like the fundraiser for the school.

I sat on the small stage playing out all the pain from my heart. I had new pain to draw from now. The pain of adulthood and the disappointments that came along with it. The pain of marrying the wrong man, the pain of missing the right man, and the pain of looking in the mirror everyday to see all the things I tried not to let others see.

When the concert was over I stood in line signing autographs and thanking the donors. Carlisle made his way over to me and said, "Did you hear Rose and Emmett are moving to Seattle?"

I laughed loudly. You could always depend on Carlisle to be a bit behind on the news. "Yeah, I heard that somewhere," I teased.

"I want to set up a reunion, are you okay with that?" he asked me.

"Are you asking if Edward and I can be in the same room without tearing it apart?" I laughed.

"Well, it has been ten years, one of you must have matured since then," he said with his dry humor. No matter how old I got I still had the desire to make Carlisle proud. He wasn't too much older than me, and certainly younger than my father, but I would feel eternally seventeen in his presence.

"Just keep Jasper from hitting us up for a political donation," I said, trying to hide the fear of seeing Edward again.

"Keep the end of May open, I'll see if I can set something up for the end of the school year, have you all attend the ceremony and give talks or something," he laughed.

"I already spoke, let one of the others do it," I said adamantly.

"It will be nice to have you here all at the same time; it will take us back, and let us see how far you've all come."

I nodded, too afraid to speak and have my voice betray me. Lilly came running up asking if she could stay the night at my condo. She loved the fact my small place overlooked the entire city. She called it my personal space needle. I took her home with me and spent all day Sunday entertaining her.

"Aunt Bella, why don't you have kids?" she asked.

"I will someday, I'm still young," I told her, feeling my biological clock still far from ticking.

"My mom said your heart is still holding out, what does that mean?"

"It means I am going to smack your mom," I said making her laugh.

I knew exactly what Esme meant. I wanted to believe Edward and I were still meant to be and I could have his children someday. It was stupid, but I still loved him with all that I am.

I had tried to contact him, but all of his old numbers were no longer working and my letters were returned non deliverable. He dropped off the face of the earth and I had little hope Carlisle would be able to find him.

I got a call the following week from Rose asking me to give her a tour of the city and help her find a house. I was so excited to see her and we made a lunch appointment. I waited for her to enter the restaurant like Alice, bouncing in my seat from excitement.

I saw her walk through the door and her beauty had not faded one bit. She was dressed in designer maternity clothes and I felt tears build in my eyes. She looked healthy and vibrant, and that meant more than anything else.

I hugged her tightly and let my tears fall. "Stop it," she said wiping her own eyes.

"You look great," I told her.

"I feel like a cow," she laughed.

"When are you due?"

"July, that is why we have to find a house fast. I want a nursery done before the baby comes."

"You have four months," I pointed out.

"I'm picky," she said adamantly.

"I have five places lined up for you to look at. Each with great advantages."

"Bella, what in the hell are you doing?" she said staring right into my eyes.

"I thought you needed help looking for a house?"

"There are realtors for that, I'm here to see why you are living like a nun."

I laughed loudly and shook my head. "I think I am the furthest thing from a nun you can find."

"I want to set you up with some of the guys, do you like lean and fast, or big and strong?"

I tried to laugh at her, but it wouldn't quite come out, so I took a big gulp of my drink. "I like possessive and full of rage," I said without any humor.

"Are you pining over Edward?" she gasped.

"Disgusting isn't it?" I said sadly.

"Have you called him?"

I sat quiet for a few moments and the ache was consuming me, so I looked at her with sad eyes and asked, "So, are you having a boy or a girl?"

"A boy, I doubt Emmett's sperm can produce a girl," she laughed.

"Have you talked to Alice?" I asked.

"Yeah, a couple of weeks ago, when we found out about the trade. She's doing great, still no baby, but they are meeting with a specialist. Who do you see regularly?" she asked me.

"Don't laugh, but I actually have quite a bit to do with Jessica. She lives here in Seattle and teaches at a high school."

"Don't tell her I'm here," Rosalie laughed.

"I'm sure she knows, Emmett's been all over the news."

"So you and Jake, what happened?"

"I settled and he knew it, we were doomed from the beginning."

"Why did you settle?" she pushed.

"Because I am screwed up in the head, have you forgotten?" I laughed.

"So you only feel worthy of two men?" she asked getting right to the heart of the matter.

"You're not setting me up," I said adamantly.

Someone walked up to the table and asked for an autograph causing Rosalie to fall over in laughter. I sneered at her and thanked the fan for watching my newscast each night.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"I never thought someone would be wanting your autograph for talking, singing I get, but Bella Swan talking without swearing or taking a jab, never," she explained.

"Well, I'm Bella Black now, so I keep my tongue in check."

"Why are you keeping his name? I would think that would be the first to go after his clothes," she said as she took a bite of food.

"The station says it is easier to promote. They did a market test and Bella Black was more believable than Bella Swan. I guess the whole 'Bella' meaning beauty and all that shit."

"Ah, the Bella I remember," she said as she put her hand over her heart.

"Watch it bitch, or I will cut your hair off and hang it from the Space Needle," I laughed.

"It's good to be back," she said as her eyes grew wet.

"It's good to have you back," I told her from the bottom of my heart.

There was something in the air, a tangible feeling that the past was moving forward to meet up with my future. I felt hope surging in my heart and tried to believe Edward was coming with the wave that was headed right for me.

It was big news around the studio that Emmett was coming for a visit. I heard him before I saw him. His big voice still boomed off the walls and I headed toward the sound. I had forgotten exactly how huge he was. I ran and jumped into his arms and felt like I had been enveloped by him.

"How's my favorite tackle dummy?" he laughed loudly.

"Still scarred," I teased and he looked at the small scar on my forehead.

"That is worth money now," he mocked.

"I can't believe you are going to be living here permanently. Anything you need just give me a call. Have you talked to Carlisle or Esme?"

"Yeah, we had dinner last night. Lilly's cute."

"She has us all wrapped around her fingers."

"Did he tell you about the reunion?" Emmett asked, the excitement evident in his eyes.

"Yeah, do you know if he found Edward?" I asked trying to act casual. Emmett immediately tensed and I regretted asking the question.

"Um…I think, maybe…"

"It's okay, Em, I'll call Esme."

He let out a rush of hair and seemed to relax. I gave him a tour of the studio and introduced him to the giddy crew. When he was ready to leave, he began to hem and haw, and I could tell there was something he wanted to bring up.

"Just say it, Em," I pushed.

"Rose wants me to set you up with someone," he finally spit out.

"Tell her I'm engaged, but thanks," I laughed.

"Really? To who?"

"Just tell her that."

He nodded, but looked confused. I walked him to the parking garage and made him promise to come for dinner soon. I watched him drive away and let out a long sigh. Ten years had passed, but it felt like just yesterday we were trying to fight our way into the world.

I went back to my office and sent an email to Esme.

_Just saw Emmett. He said something about Carlisle finding Edward. What's up?_

I wanted to sound casual, but who was I kidding, Esme was trained to see right through any pretense. It was over an hour when I heard back from her.

_Yes, found him, going after him, and hopefully saving him._

Damn her, she knew sending a reply like that would make me pick up the phone. Well, I wasn't falling for her tricks. I was busy and chasing down Edward was not something I had time for. Carlisle could handle anything dealing with Edward, and I would just wait for the reunion and see if he showed up.

I picked up the phone.

"You bitch," I said when she answered.

She laughed and said, "I'm not talking over email."

"So, is he in trouble?" I asked softly.

"Yes, he is, Carlisle is going to see him, he is on some family island off of Brazil. He has been isolated for several years."

I felt the tears fall without realizing I was crying. "Anything I can do?" I asked as I struggled to speak.

"Maybe, let's wait until Carlisle sees him. If he needs you to come to Brazil, can you do it?"

"Esme, I…"

"I know, dear, I just want to know if you have a passport and some time available, that was all I was implying. "

"Yes, but my heart can't take the pressure. I'm not strong enough to see Edward. I already put Jake through hell, I don't want to hurt Edward, too."

"Bella, you didn't hurt Jake on purpose. You both grew apart, or should I say, you grew up and he didn't."

"Thanks," I whispered, but my heart didn't buy it. I never committed to Jake like he deserved, and the worst part was he knew the reason why.

"I'll let you know what happens in Brazil," she promised and I hung up.

I expected to feel excited at the proposition of seeing Edward, but my intuition told me something was seriously wrong and he needed Carlisle more than he needed me at the moment. I tried to go about my work and forget about Brazil and what possibly sent him there, but I soon gave up.

I called Jessica and invited her to an early dinner. We met at four in the small café in the studio building. Jessica quickly arranged the salt and pepper shaker in alphabetical order from her side of the booth and then just as quickly put them back.

"Sorry," she said, "I've had a rough day. I hate teenagers."

"Why teach at a high school then?" I asked.

"It gives me satisfaction to fail their ass's."

I shook my head, wanting to point out she was just the type of teacher parents dreaded, but I refrained.

"Carlisle is putting together a reunion, you interested?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Hell no," she said and began cleaning off the table.

"He found Edward," I informed her.

"Where, the playboy mansion, tearing it apart," she laughed at her own joke.

"No, he's in trouble, whatever that means," I told her as my heart ached.

"Aren't you glad you dodged that bullet."

I didn't know how to tell her I ached for him and would be willing to deal with whatever issues he still had. She would spend the next hour trying to tell me how stupid I was being. I knew it was crazy to want him so badly, but how do you get over your first true love? Jake accused me of never letting him into my heart because it was already occupied by Edward. He was right, I just realized it too late.

"If Carlisle needs my help, should I go?" I asked as I bit my lip.

"Bella," she started and I could tell she was speaking from her heart. "We're not fixed. We just learned how to fight the good fight. I don't think we will ever be totally normal, but who is? We have to pick and choose what kind of crazy we want to deal with. I believe Edward is a crazy you don't need."

I nodded and got busy with my food as I fought an inner battle with my heart.

We said our goodbyes and I went back to my office to prepare for the newscast. The subject of Emmett's visit came up on air and I spoke about our friendship. As soon as the six o'clock airing ended I got a phone call.

"Hey, Bella, it's Jake."

I was silent, waiting for him to tell me whatever it was he needed.

"I heard the show tonight, Emmett's in town?"

"Yeah, he's playing for the Seahawks now."

"Yeah, but is he in town now?"

"Why? I asked, wondering why Jake would be so interested in Emmett.

"I was wondering if he would be willing to make a visit to La Push, give the boys a pep talk, kind of a motivational speech or something."

"At the school?"

"Yeah, if it's too much trouble Bella just forget it," he said angrily.

"You can ask him, let me give you his number," I said ignoring his attempt to fight with me.

He wrote the number down and then exhaled loudly. "Sorry to bug you."

"Hey, I talked to Carlisle and he said Edward is on some remote island. He sounded worried, you might want to call him," I said and prepared myself for Jake's backlash.

But the fact was, Jake was the only guy Edward ever reached out to as a friend. I realize now it was just part of his attempt to control me, becoming friends with my friend put him in control. Jake truly cared for Edward until he began to blame him for the trouble in our marriage.

"Let Edward rot, why do I give a fuck what happens to him?"

"Goodbye, Jake," I said angrily.

"Bella, wait, don't fall for this. Edward is just playing you, he runs off to pout and you come running to save him. Don't do it."

"You have no idea what you're talking about. I haven't talked to Edward in years, before we even married," I added to press the point, yet again. "Carlisle went looking for him, not the other way around."

"Yeah, well, don't underestimate him, he is a master manipulator."

"I have to go," I said in irritation.

"I forgot, nobody speaks ill of the God Edward," he said hatefully.

"He had nothing to do with us, Jake. Get over it," I yelled, letting him bait me after all.

"He had everything to do with us, he was in every conversation and every thought," he challenged me.

"Maybe you should have worked harder to make me forget him," I said and instantly felt awful. The last thing I wanted Jake to believe was he was competing against Edward during our marriage.

Jake chuckled knowingly and said, "Wasn't enough whiskey in the world, sweetheart."

"I'm not fighting with you over a supposed wrong. You wouldn't work, and you wouldn't leave La Push, that ended us, not Edward."

"I am next in line to run the tribe, you know that," he screamed.

"Well, have fun waiting in line," I yelled and hung up the phone.

We had done this too many times to be fighting about it now. Jake wouldn't help save Edward, he was too angry about our mistakes. He needed someone to blame and since he was still so close to Charlie, he blamed Edward, instead of me.

I made it through the ten p.m. broadcast and perked up during the weather segment when I heard a storm was hitting Brazil. I knew it was a huge country and had no idea if it was anywhere near Edward, but I worried all the same.

When we signed off Seth looked at me and said, "What's going on, you seem out of it."

"I had a fight with Jake," I lied, but still told the truth.

"Don't let him get to you, Leah is most likely talking smack again. She still hoping Jake will marry her instead of just shacking up. He tells her he is never marrying again, and she accuses him of not being over you."

"I'm not saying a word about your sister," I laughed and stood to walk away.

"That was mean, to point out the family relation," he yelled after me.

Seth was so opposite of Leah and I had gone to bat for him as a fill in replacement for my usual co-anchor. The man was getting close to retirement and using all the vacation days and sick days he had accumulated before he lost them.

Seth was being groomed as his replacement and I couldn't be happier. We had great chemistry and it brought in a younger demographic. Our channel was being noticed and our ratings were increasing nightly.

I got home and took a warm bath, hoping to relax enough to get a decent nights sleep. I climbed into bed with damp hair and didn't care what it would look like in the morning. I had people at the studio to make me presentable.

I had a horrible nights sleep. I dreamed of Edward, his wrists were bleeding and he kept pulling out of my arms when I tried to help him. I ran after him and he spun around to look at me with Phil's face. I screamed and sat up gasping for air.

It had been years since I dreamed of Phil and I knew all the worry over Edward was bringing up old haunts. I got out of bed and got a glass of wine to calm my nerves. The last thing I wanted was going back on anti anxiety medication. I wanted to believe I had overcome something in my life.

I stared out at the city covered in lights and marveled at it's beauty. I wished it was something I could share with Edward. I sighed loudly and forced myself to walk away from the window and focus on something other than him.

I finally opened up my laptop and decided to work on some story ideas. I ran through the associated press and eventually logged onto my work email.

I made my way through the typical crap, viewers telling me everything I did wrong, better ways to fix my hair, mispronunciation of foreign places, and proposals of marriage. I saw an address I didn't recognize and clicked on it, hoping I didn't just load a virus onto my laptop.

I waited a minute for the thing to finally open and it only contained two words.

_It's Edward._

2

I had no idea what he meant by those two words. Was he not sure if he had the right email address for me? Was he just seeing if I would answer? Or was he reaching out and hoping I would grab onto him. I looked at the clock and it was too early to call Esme.

Surely Carlisle wasn't in Brazil already. Maybe he was able to reach Edward by phone. I didn't know what to do and stared at the words on the screen. I looked at the time stamp and the email had just arrived. I hit reply and took a deep breath.

_How's Brazil?_

I waited as my hands began to shake and my breaths became labored. I didn't know what would be worse, having him reply or having him never respond again. A little envelope appeared on the screen and I stared at it in fear.

I let it set there, trying to get a feeling from it. I wanted to know if Karma was trying to warn me to stay away or begging me to open it. I felt nothing, so I opened it.

_Carlisle's coming_

I wondered if we were going to speak with only two words all night so I decided to be the first one to open up.

_He's planning a ten year reunion for our group and wants you to come. I'm sure he is excited to see you._

I purposely left out the fact I was desperate to see him again. I didn't want to show all my cards incase he was happily married and raising little island children. I thought it was highly unlikely, but you never know.

_I can't_

I stared at the two little words that broke my heart and began to get angry. Unless he had lost both arms and was typing with his nose he could offer more than two tiny words.

_Why_

I wondered if he would get the sarcasm my one word was meaning.

_Long story_

Oh now he did it, my anger was front and center. He was not going to play this childish game with me any longer. I wasn't going to fall for it.

_Cut the shit, Edward. Talk to me or get offline_.

I was drumming my fingers on the desk in anger as I waited for his reply. It came quickly.

_See ya_

I screamed in frustration and threw my pen across the room. I shut my laptop and paced around the room as I cussed him for everything from global warming to my hang nail. I finally sat back down and opened up the screen.

I typed furiously and stared at the letter before deciding to press send or not.

_Edward,_

_If you are in trouble, ask for help. I would jump on a plane today. You know I care deeply for you and worry about your wellbeing. I'm here for you Edward, reach out if you want me, but please don't play with my heart. I can't lose you again, it would be too much._

_Bella_

I hit delete and went back to bed to cry on my pillow. I finally got back to sleep and woke up at nine. It was too late to call Esme, so I sent her a message asking her to call when she had a free minute.

It was lunch time and I was heading into the studio when she called. I told her about what happened with Edward and she told me Carlisle got an email asking him to stay away. It terrified me and I was ready to jump on a plane this very moment.

"What's Carlisle going to do?" I asked in fear.

"He flew out this morning, he's not going to let Edward push him away when he is in crisis," she assured me.

"Should I email him, or let it go?"

"I think you should email him, keep him talking until Carlisle can get there. Keep it light and don't let him get too dark," she suggested.

I got into my office and shut the door. I never shut my office door and I'm sure it had the entire station talking. I brought up my email and patiently waded through the junk. I brought up Edward's address and began typing.

_Edward,_

_I would love you hear from you again. Early morning hours are not my most pleasant time of day. Forgive me for being short with you. _

_Bella_

I stared at the computer for almost an hour straight when I silently yelled at myself and began to get some actual work done. I was talking with one of the producers when an email from Edward finally showed up.

_I understand_

I growled loudly and had to force myself to calm down. I tried to come up with something to force him into using more than two words. I sat and racked my brain and finally typed.

_Is the storm hitting your area? Exactly where in Brazil are you?_

It took longer for him to respond and I hoped he was typing a long response. I was wrong.

_I'm fine. I'm off the coast of Rio_.

_Are you alone?_ I asked, wanting the ache to hit now instead of later if he wasn't.

_Yes, always._

His response broke my heart and I began to cry softly. I wanted to pull him into my arms and tell him how much I loved him and needed him to come home.

_You don't have to be alone, Edward. I would come if you needed me_.

He used only one word for his response this time.

_Jake_

I wasn't sure if he was asking for Jake or implying I couldn't come because of Jake. I assumed it was the latter and tried to explain without spilling everything.

_Jake is in La Push with Leah. I have his number if you want to talk with him. But we are over, we were a big mistake._

It was over an hour before he responded.

_You would come?_

I felt my heart speed up and my hands were shaking as I typed.

_Just tell me where, I will be there._

I never heard back from him. I checked my email all throughout the evening and even took a commercial break to look for any response. By the time I was ready for bed, I was livid, and couldn't believe I let him pull me in so completely.

I was about to turn in for the night when Esme called. I knew it was about Edward for her to be up at midnight. I answered with trepidation.

"Bella, Carlisle is with Edward," she told me.

"I heard from Edward, he asked me if I would come to him, but when I said yes he dropped off, again."

"I am not sure what is going on, but Carlisle sounded very distraught," she said sending me into loud sobs.

"What did he tell you, don't hold back," I begged.

"He didn't tell me much, I assume Edward was right there when he spoke to me. He said he was staying for a bit and Edward needed him desperately."

"Do you know where they are? Can I go there?"

"Let me ask Carlisle if he wants you to come, I will let you know as soon as I hear anything," she promised and I hung up knowing I would never get to sleep now. I tried to imagine what would be so dire Carlisle would be forced to stay.

Every scenario I played out in my head terrified me more than I could admit. How could a man who needed people so totally be alone, for years? I wondered what he would look like and if he was possibly ill. Maybe he had the same disease as his mother and wasn't able to remember who to reach out to. Nothing made sense and I finally got up at four to check emails again.

This time I had one from Carlisle.

_Bella, _

_Do not come here, please, I am begging you to stay away. Edward is in real trouble emotionally and I need to work with him without interference. I know you only want to help, and I will keep you updated on his progress. My goal is to get him to return to Forks with me, you may assist with his care at that point if it becomes necessary._

_Be patient,_

_Carlisle_

I could not imagine what was going on and was a bit angry that Carlisle didn't give me more of a hint. I understood if he was treating Edward there was a privilege he had to be concerned with, but I needed more information. I wondered if he would tell Esme and decided to make a trip to see her.

I dressed and stopped to by coffee and muffins and showed up on her doorstop before school. She didn't seem surprised to see me and it gave me hope she had some information. I chatted with Lilly as she ate a muffin and grabbed Esme when Lilly ran of to get ready for her own classes.

"What's going on in Brazil? I'm terrified," I told her with a shaky voice.

"All I know is Edward had completely shut down, he is entirely isolated and suffering a psychosis from it."

"What does that mean, Esme? Talk to me as a lay person," I prompted her.

"He hasn't used any social skills for so long he can't interact with people. It is hard for him to even communicate."

"Was that why he only used two words when he spoke to me online?" I regretted getting so angry at his responses. He was doing the best he could and I chastised him for it.

"Yes, you will want to forward the emails to Carlisle so he can evaluate things."

"How long do you think it will take Carlisle to bring him here?" I asked honestly, in the back of my mind I was already planning to take time off. I would make Edward my whole world just like he wanted, if he would just get better.

"I know he has a meeting the first of May he can't miss. I hope he brings Edward by then, or possibly sends for you," she smiled and tried to calm my obvious nerves.

I became obsessed with learning everything I could about Edward's condition. I wanted to be useful, and not cause him further problems, if he came home with Carlisle. I saw how some of his previous issues went hand in hand with social isolation, such as, anger, violence and smoking.

I set up a lunch with Rose and Emmett and filled them in on everything. Rose was stunned, but Emmett just shook his head as if he saw it all coming.

"Bella, he was so obsessed with you. I think when he tried to separate himself it pushed him over the edge," Emmett offered.

"We were apart a lot that year, if you recall he didn't sit with us for the completion ceremony."

"Yeah, but he knew you were waiting for him. When you moved on I'm sure it devastated him," he said softly, trying not to make me feel guilty.

"He went to law school, Emmett, he couldn't have been too upset," I said to make myself feel better.

Emmett took a deep breath and then leaned in closer to me. "When he didn't have that to focus on, I'm sure the fact you married Jake ate him up, it killed me when Rose got engaged. I had to go drag her out of her own engagement party."

I stared at my hands and felt the weight of what happened to Edward settle squarely on my shoulders. I never saw his pulling away as emotionally shutting down. I had pictured him with girls like Tanya dripping off of him.

"Bella," Rose said softly. "Are you sure you want to get mixed up with him again. Maybe it would be best to truly let him go."

I shook my head to refute her forcefully. Edward was engrained in my soul and I would never walk away from him again. We weren't children anymore and I wanted him with me, in my home, in my life, and in my bed.

"I walked away once, and my life is sad and lonely now; his is a mess. We belong together and I'm not letting him go," I said definitively.

"You are successful and active in the community, how is your life sad and lonely?" Rose contradicted.

"My heart is filled with Edward, I can't let anyone else in, so I am sad and lonely," I admitted.

When I got home that night I sat at my computer and decided to send Edward some sort of hope to let him know I wanted him and was waiting for him. I typed… _Come home. I'm waiting_.

I watched the days cross off my calendar, inching slowly toward the first part of May. I hadn't heard anything from Carlisle expect small emails saying progress was being made. I tried to get more information from Esme but she said she didn't know anything, I wasn't sure I believed her.

Alice and Jasper were coming in the middle of May to spend a couple of weeks with Rose and Emmett before the reunion. I was anxious to see them, but not wanting to be a fifth wheel. I had to hold out hope Carlisle would bring Edward home soon.

I called Esme when the date for Carlisle's meeting came and went. It was then I found out Carlisle was home, and Edward had come with him. To say I was mad, would be putting it mildly. I screamed and yelled like a five year old.

"Why didn't you call me?" I demanded.

"Edward didn't want me to. I had to respect his wishes," she informed me.

"Why?" I asked and began to cry. I was planning our future together and he didn't even want to see me. I felt rejected and foolish.

"He's not well enough yet," she told me, trying to calm my heart.

"I don't care, Esme. I deserved to know and it was cruel to keep me in the dark. I would never…."

"Bella…" A soft voice came over the line and I froze. I could hear my own heart pounding and couldn't find my voice.

I could actually hear him begin to shake as his breathing became erratic. I opened my mouth, but only a small cry erupted.

"Don't," he whispered.

"Edward?" I whispered back, needing him to tell me it was indeed him on the phone.

"I… can't," he said softly.

"It's only me," I cried, wanting him to let me help him.

"It's never _only you_," he repeated from long ago.

"Edward," I said with a strong voice full of tears. "I love you, do you hear me; I love you."

"It is swooshing all the time," he said in a strange voice. "It doesn't stop."

"Edward?"

"It comes from the east," he mumbled, "the moon moves and pulls it."

"Edward," I yelled loudly.

Esme took the phone and said softly, "Bella, I'll talk to you later."

"Wait…" I screamed but the phone went dead.

"Damn it," I yelled loudly and a young intern looked at me with a scrunched up forehead. I wanted to tell her to grow up, or just wait until life beat her up a bit and see how she responds, but I decided it would be best to keep my mouth shut.

I looked at the clock and I wouldn't have time to run by Esme's house before the evening broadcast. It would be unprofessional to just leave and let someone fill in, but it turned out that would have been a better idea. I was so unfocused the broadcast was a disaster.

Seth looked at me during a commercial and waited for me to look back. "Save it," I said and shuffled my papers harshly.

"Anything I can do?" he asked.

"Yeah, mess up a bit, so I don't look so bad," I said as biting commentary.

"I'm fighting for this position, I can't take a fall," he said thinking I was truly wanting him to mess up.

"I'll let you in on a little secret Seth, with your numbers they will get rid of me before you. You are really doing a great job."

He smiled and sat up a little taller. I decided to focus and get the segment over so I could try to call Esme again. As soon as we signed off I ran back to my office and shut the door.

Esme's number rang and rang so I called the home phone. Lilly answered and said, "Aunt Bella, mom said to tell you to pay attention to your job and forget about Romeo, whatever that means," she giggled.

"Tell you mom she's going to take a dagger to the chest if she doesn't get on the damn phone," I yelled and Lilly screamed, "She said a bad word," to someone in the house.

Carlisle finally took the receiver and said, "Don't corrupt the innocent."

"I'm sorry," I said and then immediately took it back. "I'm not cowering to you, Carlisle. I want to talk to Edward, now!"

"He is in session with Esme," he said, but I was not convinced.

"I thought you were working with him?"

"I am working on his primary issue, she is working on the issue of you," he announced pointedly.

"What does that mean? I am going insane and you two expect me to sit back and wait for you to pick up a phone. I'm coming over."

"No, you are not," he said with a voice I had not heard in a long time. "You will not interfere with his treatment. He is not ready to face you, Bella. He had a meltdown just seeing you on the television."

"What kind of meltdown?" I asked softly.

"Let's just say he added to his knuckle scars."

I let my head fall onto my desk and I sobbed uncontrollably. I was willing to do anything to make him all better. I didn't want him hurting because of me. I remembered the look on his face when I told him to pack up his mother's room, and he told me he needed that, to know he was loved. I never truly understood his issues and I pushed him into his present state.

I grabbed my phone and called Emmett. He answered after the first ring. "Emmett, you have to do me a huge favor, Edward is at the Cullens, please go see him. I have to know he is okay and they won't let me see him."

"Is he…like…sick?" he asked in confusion.

"I don't know, they talk in psychological jargon, I need somebody to see him and tell me what's going on, please, Emmett."

"Yeah, okay, call me later tonight," he said and I couldn't thank him enough.

I opened my door and ran to find my boss, Jack. I barged into his office and announced, "I need some time off, a couple a weeks at least."

"Are you kidding me, Bella?" he yelled. "You're not leaving Seth alone during May sweeps, so stop considering what you are considering."

"Jack, I need some time, I'm falling apart here," I begged.

"I'll give you a Friday night, and a Monday six slot, off. That's it."

"I'll take it; can I get back on the exact days?"

"You're demanding time off, but you don't know for which days?" he yelled.

"I have a personal crisis going on. I will need the long weekend, I'm just not sure which weekend," I tried to explain.

He shook his head and waved his hand telling me to leave his office. I felt better just knowing I was making some sort of progress. Emmett would tell me how he was really doing and I would bring him to my place for a long weekend and take care of him.

I was much more polished for the ten p.m. newscast and could tell everyone was taking a sigh of relief. I was driving home when Emmett called on my cell phone.

"Give me directions to your place. I want to talk to you in person."

I told him how to get to my high-rise and waited nervously for him.

I pulled him through the door when he arrived and began inundating him with questions. He led me to the couch and sat next to me. It was shaking me to see Emmett so serious and I was terrified to hear what he had to say.

"Bella, I didn't recognize him when I first saw him. His hair is really long and he has a full beard. He is very thin and pale."

"Pale, he's been living on an island," I interrupted.

"Well, he wasn't spending it in the sun, that's for sure. He was soft spoken and seemed tense around Carlisle and Esme, so I got him to take a run with me. We didn't go far but he seemed to loosen up afterwards."

"Did he tell you what happened?" I asked.

"No, we talk in general terms. I didn't want to push him and have him shut down on me."

I realized at that moment how brilliant Emmett truly was. He would make a great teacher.

"What did you get from him?"

"Well, he shut down when his father died."

"His father died?" I gasped and interrupted him again.

"Yeah, right after he graduated from law school, I think he feels very guilty, but that isn't a professional opinion," he chuckled.

"So why can't I see him?"

"He is very open with Lilly. She seems to adore him, but maybe he is emotionally on her level or something. I didn't mention you, Esme asked me not to."

"Edward didn't ask about me, at all?"

"He eluded to you a couple of times, but never used your name. I asked about the bandages on his hands and he said he was watching the news."

I sat and stared at a bowl on my coffee table. I felt cut off and out of the loop, something unfamiliar for a reporter. I finally thanked Emmett for rushing over to the Cullens and he gave me a big hug and left.

I stared at the lights of the city for hours and finally checked my email. I was hoping I would get an email from Edward, but after finding nothing I wrote one to him.

_Edward,_

_I spoke with Emmett. He said you are doing well and went with him for a run. I am so sorry to hear about your father. I wish I could talk to you, actually I wish you wanted to talk with me. I'm here when you're ready. I miss you and I love you._

_Bella_

I never heard from him and wasn't sure he even got the email. The days passed quickly and I was asked to attend a dinner with Jasper and Alice who arrived in town. I was so happy to see them and we hugged and cried, and in Alice's case, jumped up and down.

Jasper told me at dinner he had applied for a teaching position at the University of Washington and was hoping to hear a definite decision while he was here. I was thrilled to have them living in the city and couldn't wait until we could all be together again at the reunion.

When the conversation turned to Edward, both Alice and Jasper seemed shocked. "I talked with him and he agreed to meet us for a drink," he said in confusion.

"Meet you when?" I asked.

"Tonight," Jasper said.

"Where?" I asked, now the one in shock.

"Here, he couldn't make it for dinner, but he agreed to a drink later tonight"

"Did you tell him I was going to be at dinner?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," Jasper said trying to think back to their conversation.

I sat in deep thought trying to decide what it all meant. Maybe Edward wanted to see me, but Carlisle and Esme were the ones advising him to stay away. I didn't know what to think, but curiosity was driving me crazy.

"Do you mind if I stay and have a drink with you, I really want to see Edward," I said with a smile.

"We would love to have you join us, and I am dying to see what happens when you guys see each other," Alice giggled.

We finished dinner and moved to the bar and listened to the house band. I kept watching the clock and felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I drank a little too much due to my anxiety and when Alice grabbed my arm and said, "Oh my God, it's Edward," I had to run to the restroom to throw up.

3

Alice ran into the ladies room to see if I was okay and I was leaning against the sink rinsing out my mouth. I was flushed and mad at myself for drinking so much on such an important night.

"You didn't tell Edward, did you?" I asked her in fear.

"No, I don't think he even saw you. Here," she said and handed me some mouth wash from her purse. I felt better and let her take my hand and lead me back to the table.

I saw him from the back, his hair was pulled into a ponytail and his shirt hung on his thin frame. I was shaking and tried to adjust my dress and fix my hair. "You look great," Alice assured me.

Alice stepped in his view first and Edward stood to hug her. He froze, half hunched over when he saw me with her. My stupid tears blurred my vision and I tried to blink them back. He finally stood tall and took a shaky breath.

"Hello," I said softly.

"Hi," he mouthed without actually vocalizing the word.

We all sat down and Edward and I kept stealing glances at each other. Jasper and Alice made small talk but they struggled to keep our attention. They finally left the table to dance and I leaned over to speak to Edward. He tensed and backed up.

I felt his rejection and sat back to try and calm down. He finally kicked my foot and motioned for us to go outside. I felt such relief and followed him out the door. He walked around the side of the building into a narrow alleyway and leaned against the brick wall with his hands behind him.

"I didn't expect to see you," he said softly.

"Are you mad?" I asked.

He shrugged and I looked away, not wanting him to see me cry. I stood there biting on my lip and trying to come up with something to say when he spoke up.

"I'm not supposed to see you."

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked him.

He looked at the ground and finally said, "No."

"I won't ask you anything, Edward. I won't push you to talk to me."

He nodded and took a deep breath. I wanted to hug him so badly, but I kept my distance.

We stood awkwardly for a few minutes and he finally pulled a cigarette from his pocket making me snicker. He looked up through his lashes and smiled softly, causing my heart to melt.

He took a long drag and handed it to me. I took it, although I had not smoked for years; I just wanted to have something from his mouth in mine. I handed it back to him and our fingers touched, sending an electric shock shooting through me.

He dropped the cigarette and grabbed me harshly, pulling me into his arms and kissing me with a passion that swallowed me whole. His hand was holding my head to his and I couldn't pull away if I wanted to. I leaned into him, feeling his entire body against mine, and his hand moved to my ass pulling me tighter.

"I want you," he said against my lips.

"Come home with me," I begged.

He spun me around posting me against the bricks and began pulling up my dress. "Edward," I laughed but he didn't respond and began unzipping his pants.

"Edward, what are you doing?" I asked in shock.

"Shut-up," he said harshly and began pulling on my underwear.

"Stop it," I yelled, but he ignored me. I began to cry and tried to fight him as he grabbed my arms and held them tightly against the wall. My mouth went dry and a numbness began spreading through me.

"Edward don't do this to me, please, don't do what Phil did," I sobbed.

He finally stepped back, trying to catch his breath and zipped up his pants. I slid to the ground crying hysterically and watched him simply walk away. He never looked back or even attempted to apologize.

I wasn't about to go back into the club so I made my way to my car, holding onto the wall for strength. I was able to drive home and climbed in a shower. I scrubbed my skin as hard as I could, turning the water as hot as I could stand it.

I got into my bed and cried until the sun rose. I finally called Jack and told him I was too sick to come in and would take the day off and then begin my long weekend on Friday. I cried all morning, then began feeling sorry for myself, and finally, finally, began to get really angry.

I jumped in my car and drove to the Cullens. It was Lilly's day for dance lessons, so I felt secure she would not be home. Esme answered the door and I pushed past her looking for Edward.

"Where is he?" I screamed.

I found him standing in the kitchen and walked up and punched him as hard as I could right in the jaw. I screamed and grabbed my fist as the pain shot up my arm. Edward stood perfectly still and didn't react at all.

"You son-of-a-bitch," I screamed and pushed him with my arm. He looked at me with absolutely no response. "How dare you do that to me, how dare you try to rape me," I screamed through my tears.

Esme got between us and stared back and forth, not knowing who to address first. I pointed my finger at him accusingly, "You of all people, no better than to treat me like that."

"Edward, did you do something to Bella?"Esme asked calmly.

Her tone angered me further. I was so tired of Edward being treated so sympathetically. He needed to grow up and take responsibility for his actions.

"Don't talk to him like he's a child. You're a grown ass man, Edward. Act like it," I demanded.

"Bella, calm down," Esme coached me.

"Don't tell me to calm down, you weren't the one pinned against a wall with your panties down," I screamed.

Esme put her hand over her mouth in shock and Edward's mouth pulled into a sickening grin. "How does it feel, Bella? Having your biggest nightmare come true, having the one person you trusted more than anyone betray you?"

I felt my mouth fall open in shock. He purposely tried to scare me by doing something I would never expect him to do.

"You go to hell, you messed up freak," I said full of hate and walked out the door. Esme ran after me and pulled me into her office. I refused to sit and paced back and forth.

"Bella, I begged you not to see him yet. He is too angry," she tried to explain.

"If he's angry he can tell me, he can yell at me, he can call me names, but what he did was over the line," I cried.

"You're right, it was, but he is not healthy enough to make those kinds of decisions, he lashed out the only way he knew how," she said emphatically.

I was so angry and hurt that she would defend him. I felt I was the one deserving of her loyalty, so I lashed out at her the only way I knew how. "I can't believe you have him in your home with Lilly," I said and stormed out of her house. I didn't look back to see if Edward was still in the kitchen. I went right to my car and drove away.

After a few days I got a call from Carlisle, making me promise I would still come to the reunion. He said we were going to start with a session for old time sake and he felt it would be a good environment for Edward to open up. I promised to come, but I was not going to take any shit off Edward.

I showed up the day of the reunion and felt awkward walking among the students. They seemed so young compared to how I had viewed myself at that age. Alice, Rose and I checked out the dorms and reminisced about the 'hairy horse' incident.

We walked into the session room and the guys were already waiting. I sat in the same chair I had used ten years ago. Edward was across from me with his feet stretched out in front of him. I matched his arms by crossing my own over my chest. Alice was laughing and talking a mile a minute.

"Man, I am having major déjà vu," Emmett laughed.

After we were all quiet for a moment, Alice said, "Okay, I'll share first. Jaz and I are having conception issues."

"Nobody cares," Edward said hatefully.

The smile on Alice's face quickly fell and it angered me.

"I care," I said just as hatefully, "So, shut the hell up."

He glared at me before saying softly, "Make me."

"What are you, six?" I said in disgust.

Carlisle and Esme walked in at that point and their smiles quickly faded when they saw us all sitting tensely, like the first day so long ago. "Well, I guess we still have issues to address," Carlisle said with a sigh.

"Not we," Rosalie said, "Them."

"I already shared and Edward told me to shut up, so Bella told him to shut up," Alice giggled.

"Okay, let's start with not telling each other to shut up," Esme suggested.

"So, how is everyone doing with their original issues that brought you to this place?" Carlisle smiled, thinking that would be a safe place to start.

"I was doing fine until someone tried to rape me," I said staring at Edward and hearing the other girls gasp.

"I didn't try to rape you," Edward said harshly.

"Sorry, having my dress up to my waist and my panties ripped had me confused," I spit at him. I was growing nervous just by mentioning the experience.

"I was making a point," he said angrily.

"Really, I guess I missed it during the attempted rape."

"I didn't even have an erection," he pointed out.

I opened my mouth and quickly shut it, having no idea how to respond to that. I was obviously hot and bothered, but he just admitted I had no effect on him.

"Can they be their own group," Rose asked, making everyone laugh.

"Let's start with a safer subject and go around the circle and tell everyone what you have been doing since we last met," Carlisle suggested.

"I get to start," Alice said enthusiastically and then smirked at Edward. "I graduated in design and moved to Atlanta and married Jasper. We are trying to have babies now."

"How did you keep your relationship going over the years?" Esme asked.

"We made it a priority and saw each other about four times a year. We kept in touch with phone calls and emails and didn't date other people," Alice explained.

"Allie, I dated other people, plenty of other people," Jasper admitted.

Alice let her mouth fall open in shock and then finally waved her hand to dismiss him, "Yeah, so did I," she said nonchalantly.

Edward and I glanced at each other and I quickly looked away, knowing he was thinking of Jake, too.

"Rose and I got married when I signed with the Titans. When I became a free agent we really wanted to come here. I thought it would be the best place to raise our child, you know, close to the Cullens." We all laughed loudly and Esme winked at him.

Everyone looked at Edward and he crossed his arms again before saying, "Pass."

"You can't pass," Rose said angrily.

"Yeah, you're the one everyone wants to hear from," Alice pointed out.

"Pass," he said again.

I took a deep breath and began, for some reason wanting to spare him. "I graduated and began working for a small station as a field reporter. About ten months ago I became the co-anchor of the six and ten p.m. newscast. I sing at charity events and open mic nights."

I purposefully left out Jake, not wanting to talk about him and not wanting to set Edward off.

"You've forgotten something, love," Edward said with a sneer.

"Enlighten me," I said, daring him to say it.

"A six-foot-five guy, with long hair?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I challenged him.

"That's right, you forget men very easily."

I chuckled and shook my head in disgust, "So what have you been up to, Edward?"

"I've been away," he offered without further explanation.

"Crying for mommy?" I said, knowing I was aiming for the juggler.

"Go fuck your father," he threw back.

I jumped from my chair, lunging for him, as Carlisle jumped in front of me to hold me back. Emmett grabbed Edward when he jumped from his chair, too. I wanted nothing more than to rip him into pieces and I could tell by his expression he wanted to hurt me, too.

"I hate you," I screamed at him. "You are dead to me."

"Is that supposed to surprise me," he screamed as Emmett pulled him from the room. "I was dead to you years ago." Esme ran out of the room, following Emmett and Edward.

When he was out of my sight I collapsed in Carlisle's arms and began to cry hysterically. "I'm sorry, you were so excited for this reunion and I ruined it for everyone."

"You didn't ruin anything, let me go talk to Edward and try to calm him down. I can promise he won't try to bait you any further." I sat in my chair and watched Carlisle leave the room.

I turned to the others and said, "I'm sorry, this is so childish, I know."

"I just wish there was popcorn," Jasper laughed.

"You guys so want each other," Rosalie announced as if it was clear as glass.

"You missed a word, we so want to _kill _each other," I said shaking my head.

"What's going on with him, didn't he become a lawyer or something?" Jasper asked.

I nodded and began picking my nails so I wouldn't cry. Carlisle and Esme returned with a scowling Edward and a smiling Emmett. The contrast was startling.

"I've arranged a tour and then a dinner in the cafeteria. Let me show you the changes around here since you left," Carlisle said to get the evening back on track.

We all followed him around campus as he pointed out various additions. We giggled and laughed at the memories the tour evoked. "Oh gross," Rosalie said as we passed the smoking patio. Edward stopped and pulled out a cigarette.

"I'm pregnant, you can't smoke around me," Rosalie complained.

"Then leave," Edward said as he lit the cigarette.

The group moved to the cafeteria, but I walked over to sit across from Edward. This was the place we first made peace years ago and I hoped it would work its magic again. We were adults and needed to at least be capable of having a conversation without wanting to kill each other.

"Smoke em if you got em," he said and then blew smoke directly at me.

"Can we have an adult conversation?" I asked in earnest.

"Haven't you heard, I'm not capable," he said looking away.

I ignored his comment and brought up what we were both avoiding. "Edward, I stopped hearing from you. I didn't forget you, I tried to move forward," I began to explain.

"I begged you, I pleaded with everything I had for you not to marry him," he said to shock the hell out of me.

"No you didn't, you never even responded."

"I sent you letters, and they were returned. I sent you emails, and they were blocked. I left you message after message on your phone," he said and then looked away angrily.

My mind was racing and I realized Jake wasn't trying to contact Edward; he was cutting him off, slowly and then completely. I sat there in stunned silence and Edward stood to toss his cigarette into the sand. I reached out for him but he pulled his arm away from me.

"I didn't know," I said with wet eyes.

He blinked several times and finally whispered, "How could you think I would do that?"

I wanted to explain, but I didn't know where to start, and he wasn't going to wait for me to find the words. He walked off to join the others.

We ate in silence as I tried to find a way to explain why I doubted him so easily. I remember nodding a few times at various people during dinner, but I couldn't recall what they had said to me. We were going to make one more stop before the reunion ended; the gym.

Everyone began reminiscing about the Valentine's Dance and I glanced at Edward at the same time he glanced at me. "Nothing memorable about that night," he mumbled.

"Thank goodness, I ended up saving your ass," I whispered back to remind him Esme and Carlisle came home unannounced.

Esme looked at me, so I finally fessed up, "Your suspicions were right about that night, I did plan to sleep over."

She laughed and nodded with understanding.

"But somebody else came first, as always," Edward added.

"Yeah, Lilly is alive and well, sorry if she messed up your night of fucking," I said angrily.

"Who said she did?" he said with raised eyebrows.

I froze and realized there could have been another reason Edward ended up at that shed on Mr. Ateara's property. If they ran into Leah and a friend, it was exactly where she would take them. I had always wondered why Jake was suddenly involved with her after that night. I felt so stupid.

"And the night wasn't memorable? It appears you picked the wrong slut," I whispered as we walked out of the room, knowing full well my jealousy was showing.

Emmett made a comment about gym class and everyone turned to look at me and Edward, "You guys got out of gym," Rosalie said.

"That's right," Carlisle chuckled; we need to stop by the music building.

The closer we got the more nervous Edward and I became. It was the one room we shared only with each other. Some incredible memories came from that room and I was shaking at the thought of standing there with Edward.

When the door opened to the small recital room everyone filed in, except me and Edward. I looked up at him and his jaw was clenched tightly.

"I don't know if I can go in there," I said softly.

He kicked the wall with his foot a few times and said, "Yeah, I know."

I looked down the long hallway, my eyes briefly stopping at the room with the bean bag chair. "We can make a run for it," I offered in jest.

He looked at me and actually smiled, "Emmett would just tackle you."

I laughed and rubbed the scar on my forehead. "Do you still write music?" I asked him.

"No, not for quite awhile, do you still write lyrics?"

"No, I just do cover stuff," I said, enjoying the civility we were managing to have.

I noticed everyone huddled into a tight pack watching us interact and whispered without moving my mouth, "We're putting on a show."

"We can do better than this," he mumbled back.

"What do you suggest?" I asked as my heart began to beat wildly in my chest.

"I could post you against that wall," he chuckled.

"In passion or rage?" I teased.

"I could surprise you," he teased back, as his features softened.

"You always did," I said honestly and his smile widened, giving me a glimpse of the beautiful man he was.

He stepped in front of me and pushed me gently backwards until I was up against the far wall. I stared up at him, feeling my entire body shaking with anticipation. He moved in closer and I could hear his erratic breathing as he leaned to speak into my ear.

"Do you feel that?" he asked.

I could feel that he was aroused and it made my heart soar. "Yeah," I tried to say with a strong voice, but only a whisper emerged.

He kissed my ear softly and whispered, "Only you could do that to me. You were the only person I ever needed."

Then he stepped back and turned to look at the others, "Are we done here?"

I was gasping and holding onto the wall for support as he casually walked down the hallway towards the parking lot. Alice ran over to ask if he said something mean to me. I guess when I swoon I must look like I have been threatened.

I shook my head, unable to speak and followed everyone outside.

"Let's have a movie night," Rosalie suggested.

"Lilly would love that, but you have to remember her age and pick a movie that is appropriate," Esme cautioned.

"Night of the Living Dead is a classic she should experience," Emmett laughed.

"Twelve Angry Men is a classic," Jasper offered making Emmett look confused.

"No, Kill Bill," Alice said as she jumped up and down.

"That's too biographical for Bella and Edward," Rose added in her dry humor. Everyone laughed, including me and Edward.

"How about Stardust?" Esme suggested and all the guys groaned, even Carlisle.

"Finding Nemo?" Jasper said with a shrug.

We all quickly agreed and Esme laughed loudly, "Lilly will disagree, but let's go for it."

I noticed when we arrived at the Cullens Lilly ran right up to Edward, wanting his attention. He smiled lovingly at her and asked her to help him set up the movie. She followed him with the same look she used to follow me around with and I felt a bit rejected, by both of them.

Esme made popcorn and drinks and we settled around the big screen. Edward sat on the floor next to Lilly, who was snuggled between my legs as I sat on the couch. She wrapped her arms around my legs and began bouncing them up and down, touching Edward's arm with each pass.

He didn't move and his skin soon grew warm where my leg kept rubbing. "Stop bouncing the couch," Esme said to Lilly, but she continued as if she didn't hear a thing. Edward reached over and took my leg from her and held it still in his arms.

Lilly smiled and let my other leg drop, but Edward didn't let go, keeping my leg perched over his shoulder and held in his arms. I stared at the screen of talking fish, but all I could concentrate on was the feel of Edward's body against my leg.

Halfway through the movie his thumb began moving slightly up and down along my freshly waxed skin. He was driving me absolutely crazy and I was sure he was aware of the fact. Lilly asked Esme for an apple and when she got approval she turned to Edward and asked him to cut it for her. I wanted to smack her little face.

He let go of my leg and followed her into the kitchen. I took a deep breath and Alice looked at me and wiggled her eyebrows, telling me she was fully aware of the little seduction game Edward and I were playing.

I felt like a spotlight was shining down on us, but I didn't care. I loved him so desperately even after the hateful things he said. Our fighting during pent up passion was familiar and, well, it was us.

He returned and sat back on the floor next to Lilly, but further away this time. She was on the far side of my leg denying him access to me. He finally put his arms back to drape over the couch and let his fingers rest along my knee. Lilly felt like he had his arm around her and she was in heaven. I was downright euphoric.

After Rosalie climbed over everyone for the third time to pee she demanded Emmett take her home. We all stood, ending the attempted movie night and walked to our cars. Emmett put his arm over my shoulder and said quietly, "Thanks for giving my number to Jake; it was fun to speak to the kids at the school."

But he wasn't quiet enough. Edward tensed and turned his attention to Lilly. "Tell everyone goodbye and let's go finish the movie," he suggested.

She hugged everyone and I stared at Edward as Lilly hugged me. He stared back for a moment and then looked away. I thanked Carlisle and Esme for everything and drove home in total despair. I poured a big glass of wine and sat in the dark overlooking the city lights as I replayed every detail of the night over and over in my head.

I was surprised when the phone rang just after midnight. It was the Cullens and I quickly answered. "I'm fine, no need to worry," I chuckled.

There was a long pause and Edward spoke softly, "Bella?"

"Edward, I didn't expect it to be you," I admitted. That was an understatement; he was the last person in the universe I expected to call me.

"I want to apologize," he said with a pained voice.

"No need," I told him.

"I was just…."

"A prick," I finished for him.

He laughed and said, "I was going to say 'hurt,' but you can fill in any word you want."

"Sorry," I said in shame.

"You messed me up pretty badly," he finally said with a sad voice.

"I didn't mean to, Edward, I thought you found some smart, rich, society girl and moved on."

"Why?"

"Because that's what you deserve," I said honestly. "I was so…"

"Perfect," he finished for me.

"I was going to say 'tainted,' but you can fill in any word you want."

I felt the tears streaming down my face with a mixture of pain and gratitude. I was so glad we were finally talking, but I was so ignorant to how much I had hurt him.

"Why would you use that word?" he asked and I could hear the tears in his voice.

"Because that was how I felt, Edward. You brought me to your mansion, to the shrine your mother made for you, and I met your father in my underwear. You fought with him right in front of me and made me feel like I was part of the thumbing your nose at him."

"I wanted to show him somebody loved me, even if he didn't," he said angrily.

"I didn't want to be part of showing anyone anything. I just wanted you to love me," I said softly.

"I did love you, but it was never enough," he argued.

"It was too much for how young we were. You wanted my entire existence to be about you…"

"Yeah, I did, because you were my entire reason for breathing," he yelled.

"And look where it got you," I said softly, just aching at the thought of him exiled from the world.

He was silent for several minutes and I could hear him breathing into the phone. I closed my eyes and let the sound bury itself deep inside my heart.

"I love you Edward, I never stopped loving you," I admitted.

"How could you share his bed?" he said through clenched teeth.

"Because I thought you didn't want me in yours," I said in defeat.

"I am too terrified to love you again," he finally admitted.

"I know," I said feeling him pulling away from me.

"I'm going home tomorrow. I haven't been there since my dad died. I have a lot of things to take care of."

"Okay," I said through my tears. "You'll break Lilly's heart."

He laughed and said, "I'm good with the nine year olds, it's the twenty-nine year olds I struggle with."

"I'm only turning twenty-eight," I laughed.

"You seem more mature," he qualified, and we returned to the uncomfortable silence.

'Hey," I said softly.

"Yeah."

"Stay in touch."

"I'll see you every night in my dreams," he said as his voice cracked, and he hung up the phone without saying goodbye.


	2. Chapter 4 thru 6

4

I stared though the glass window as Emmett tried to manage the tiny baby in his huge hands. He looked like a giant kid, smiling widely, as tears fell from his eyes. He finally felt secure enough to hold the baby up and we all sighed in unison.

"He's so beautiful," Alice cried. "I want one so badly."

"Don't steal one," I teased her, "The hospital frowns on that."

"Oh little baby," she said in a funny childish voice adults use to speak to infants, "Someday you will be a big boy and a mean girl like Bella is going to hurt you."

"Truce," I said and Alice nodded without taking her eyes off the baby.

"I guess I'll have to let Emmett knock you up," Jasper said, and I could tell it was something that was eating away at him.

"Yeah, right," Alice laughed uncomfortably, "he would split me in two."

Jasper and I both gasped and stared at her incredulously until she finally realized what she said, "No, I didn't mean it like that. I meant I would have a huge ten pound McCarty baby. Come on, Jas, you know how big…."

"Stop," I yelled and put up my hand. "I want to be able to keep a straight face around Jasper and Emmett, let's please stop the penis talk."

We all went back to staring at the baby and Emmett's teammates began to slowly arrive. I felt dwarfed by their huge bodies and excused myself to check on Rosalie. She was sitting up in bed and reading a diet book.

I walked over and took it from her hands, "Not on your life."

"I have to get back into my clothes by pre-season," she complained.

"I just saw your baby, nursing that brute will get you back in shape," I said forcefully and then softened my tone. "He's beautiful."

She smiled and her eyes filled with tears. "Giving birth is awful," she warned.

"I'll have to take your word for it," I mumbled. "Alice is drooling on the glass."

"I hope it happens for her soon. She wants it so badly," Rose sighed.

"And you didn't?"

"I had to have a baby so Emmett would have to pay support if he leaves me for a cheerleader," she laughed wiping her tears.

"Yeah, he drags you out of an engagement party just to leave you for a cheerleader; I don't think so. What happened to becoming a lawyer?" I asked her.

"With my looks, get serious," she teased.

"Well, you have a great husband."

"You should have seen him, Bella, he is so proud," she beamed.

"I'm so happy for you both, what did you name the little guy?"

"Emmett wanted to name him after his father," she said as she rolled her eyes.

"Remind me," I pushed.

"Elmer."

"Oh God," I laughed.

"We decided to name him after Emmett's hero, Ken Houston, so his name is Houston E. McCarty."

"A football player?" I asked dumbly.

"Yeah, a famous safety or some shit like that. I'll just tell people we named him after Sam Houston," she laughed.

"Who is that?"

"Google him," she said with irritation, "He was a great man."

I didn't tell her if her son turned out to look anything like his dad, his nickname would most likely be, Ton. I would let her live in ignorance for a bit.

"The team is beginning to arrive," I told her so she could get her makeup in order.

"Find one you like, and I'll set you up," she said getting suddenly excited.

I had not heard from Edward for over two months, but I was trying to stay positive. The last thing on my mind was some football player; especially since I would be seeing them so often at media functions and charity events.

"I'm too busy right now, and they all need to concentrate on the game. We want a winning season," I said pointing at her.

"Bella, are you waiting for Edward?" She let out a long sigh as if my answer would disappoint her.

I took a deep breath and tried not to think about him. I saved that for sitting alone in the dark. "I hear Alice. Congratulations," I said and kissed her cheek. "I'll see you Saturday at the shower."

I headed to the station and opened my office to find a large bouquet of flowers sitting on my desk. I hoped desperately they were from Edward, but when I opened the card I found they were Jake.

I realized it was the anniversary of our wedding. I grabbed the vase and went to toss them into the trash, but then looked at the gorgeous arraignment and decided to appreciate the flowers.

I was busy at work when my administrative assistant buzzed in to tell me a man was on hold for me, I picked up the receiver and began speaking without saying hello. "Thank you for the flowers, Jake, but you shouldn't have sent them."

The line was silent and I said, "Jake, can you hear me?"

"It's Edward," he said with a tight jaw causing his words to slur a bit.

I wanted to apologize for calling him Jake, and for letting him know about the flowers, but I realized I had nothing to apologize for. I had asked him to stay in touch, although he never actually agreed. I was having this entire inner monologue when he finally spoke to interrupt me.

"I just spoke with Emmett," he said with a really weak voice.

"Edward, are you okay?" I asked him.

He laughed, but it sounded like he moved the phone away from his mouth. "As screwed up as always," he replied.

"Where are you?" I pushed hoping he would say Washington.

"I'm at my mother's grave," he whispered and my heart dropped. I stood from my chair, having no idea why that would have any positive effect at all.

"Edward, did you do anything to hurt yourself," I said in a panic.

"Isn't that how we roll?" he laughed and then groaned loudly.

"Are you bleeding?" I clarified.

"No," he whispered, "But I am very, very drunk."

I sat down feeling overwhelmed by relief and felt my legs shaking from the explosion of adrenaline. I took a deep breath and he continued on. "I'm sure you're disappointed. I always disappoint you."

"You have never disappointed me," I said softly.

"I didn't send you flowers, but he did. He always did the right things," he mumbled as the sound of glass hitting the phone came across the line.

"Edward, put the bottle down. It won't help anything."

"Ah, you are wrong, it helps a great deal."

"How does it help?" I asked him.

"It helps you to disappear, you haunt me, love," he chuckled.

"Oh Edward, I don't want to disappear. I want to come to you," I begged.

"No," he said forcefully and I could picture his furrowed brow and his lips sticking out in a pout. "You are his now."

"I was never his, I have always been yours," I assured him.

"She said she would never leave me. She wore yellow, like the rising sun, but it's just dark now."

"She didn't leave you, she's always with you. Close your eyes Edward. Can you feel her arms around you?" I said as fresh tears fell.

I heard a heart wrenching sob break free from his chest as the phone moved from his ear. I called out to him over and over again, and finally had to wait and see if he would give me his attention once more.

"Bella," he finally said with a faraway voice.

"Yes," I said loudly hoping he could hear me.

"I need you. I need you so badly."

Loud rustling sounds could be heard and the phone went dead. I ran into the hallway and yelled for my assistant. "Get me that call back on the line," I told her.

She looked at my face with concern and tried dialing the number that showed up on the screen. "It's a cell phone and it's turned off," she explained and waited for further instructions.

"Get me booked on the first flight to Chicago," I yelled as I grabbed my purse and ran from the office. Seth called on my cell phone to remind me we had a newscast in less than an hour. I told him to get a replacement and I would understand if they fired me, but I had to leave immediately.

I packed a quick bag, not even paying attention to what I was tossing into it and got a call from my assistant telling me I had a flight in two hours. I tried to calm down and called Esme.

"Hi, Aunt Bella," Lilly answered.

"Hi sweetheart, can I talk to your mom or dad?"

"They're out for dinner, try their cell phones," she suggested.

"Do you know where they are eating?" I pressed hoping she couldn't tell the panic I was feeling.

"No, they are going to see the baby. Have you seen him?"

"Yes, he's adorable, I'm sure you will be his number one babysitter," I said with a shaky voice. "I'll talk to you later, honey."

I tried both of their cell phones and couldn't get through. I assumed they were at the hospital and left a message on both phones for them to call me immediately.

I hadn't heard anything by the time I boarded the flight and had to have a drink just to calm down. When I landed in Chicago it was after midnight. I realized I had no idea what Edward's address was. I felt I could find the place from the hotel we ate dinner at so many years ago. I rented a car instead of taking a cab and drove to Michigan Avenue.

I made my way through the city up the coast to a street that seemed familiar. I drove around until the sun was beginning to rise and finally found the house. The lawn was unkempt and the shrubs were overgrown giving the house a disheveled look.

I pulled into the driveway and made my way to the front steps up to the huge oak door. I knocked loudly and rang the bell, but nobody ever came to the door.

I thought Edward would be either passed out, or still at the graveyard, so I went to the back of the house to see if I could find an open door or window. The door was locked so I began pulling on windows. When I came to the music room one of the floor to ceiling windows was open, allowing me to climb in.

I felt relief when I recognized the interior of the house and hoped some silent alarm didn't sound as I walked around. The place was a mess and I could tell right away Edward had been experiencing rage; I just didn't know if it was a resent problem or from years ago.

I headed up the stairs and could see his door was shut, but his mother's room was open. I passed his door and peaked inside the room I had packed up ten years earlier. I gasped when I saw the room had been perfectly restored to its previous condition. Every picture, every bit of memorabilia was back in place. It was just as his mother left it.

I walked further down the hallway to look inside his father's room. I opened the door and burst into tears when I saw the room completely ransacked. The mattress on the bed had been ripped apart and the curtains shredded. Broken glass was everywhere and photographs torn into pieces.

I headed to Edward's bedroom door and leaned against it, to see if I could hear snoring or the sound of anyone stirring. I knocked but he didn't answer. I opened the door and peaked inside to see a body lying under the covers.

I walked over to find Edward lying buried under the comforter in deep sleep. His back was bare and I pulled the cover to see his was totally nude. I reached out and touched his shoulders and gently ran my hand down his back.

He sighed loudly and movement came from the other side of the bed. A woman with short blonde hair sat up, revealing her own nudity, and stared at me with big, round, blue eyes.

The girl looked so young and I wondered if she was a teenager, then prayed she wasn't a minor. She glanced at Edward and then back at me before saying, "Are you his wife?"

I shook my head, still too stunned to speak, and she asked, "Are you a cop?"

"Who are you?" I asked in a harsh voice.

"Um…just call me Jane," she said with a nervous face.

"Are you a friend of Edward's?" I asked, not sure which answer I wanted to hear.

"I guess, we met last night," she shrugged.

"He asked you to stay over?" I questioned further.

"Not really, but he kind of owes me money," she said with a whisper.

"Are you a prostitute?" I asked in an appalled manner.

"Are you a cop?" she asked again and narrowed her eyes.

"Edward," I said loudly as I shook him. "Edward, it's Bella."

I wanted him to wake up and handle the whore himself, but I was afraid if he did wake up he would ask me to leave and get his money worth.

He didn't respond and the girl grabbed a short tight dress and pulled it over her head. "So you're Bella," she said. "He kept calling me Bella and I thought he meant Belle, you know from Beauty and the Beast, because his hair is so long."

I mentally was begging her to stop talking and just leave. Her mere presence was making me sick, yet I felt oddly protective of her and wondered what put her on such a bad path.

"What does he owe you?" I said grabbing his jeans off the floor and looking for his wallet. "And please tell me he used a condom."

"Well, actually he kind of just feel asleep, but he still has to pay me," she added quickly.

Edward began to stir and opened one eye before falling back onto the bed in a groan.

"How much?" I asked her again.

"Um…two hundred bucks," she said sheepishly.

"I'll give you a hundred dollars and bus fare," I said, holding out the money to her.

She thought for a moment and then reached for the money. I noticed her dirty feet as she pulled on her sandals and the way she glanced around the room as if looking for something. I made sure to walk her out the front door and I stood at a window to make certain she left the property, before heading back to Edward's room.

He was sitting up but had his eyes closed in pain, obviously very hung over. "Do you need a can to vomit in?"

He nodded and I went into the bathroom and brought out the trash can. I pulled the covers from the bed and began pulling off the sheets. He stood just long enough for me to pull the sheets out from under his body, and then fell back onto the mattress.

I removed the pillowcases and grabbed the remote to open the shutters covering the windows. Edward groaned from the bright light and I grabbed his arm to pull him from the bed and into the shower. I left him sitting on the shower floor with the hot spray dousing him and went back to stripping the bed.

I got fresh linens from the closet and made a clean bed before grabbing a towel and shutting off the shower. "Get up," I demanded and he slowly rose from the floor. I wrapped him in the towel and brought him back into his room to sit on the unsullied sheets.

I grabbed a brush and yanked it through his long locks before pulling it into a ponytail and using craft scissors to cut it off. I threw the long strands onto the ground angrily and began layering his hair as professionally as I could. The cut hair fell onto the towel he was sitting on so I pulled him up and used a small hand towel to beat the hair off of his body.

I handed him a pair a basketball shorts and he moved slowly to pull them on. I cleaned the hair from his bed and pushed him back into it, pulling clean covers over him and shutting off the light as I left the room, leaving the windows uncovered.

"Bella," he yelled out and then grimaced in pain.

"What?" I said harshly.

"Am I dreaming or did you pay a hooker?" he asked.

"No and yes, get some rest, because I am going to kick your ass the next time you wake up."

I heard him chuckle as I headed down the stairs. I grabbed trash bags and began cleaning up the filthy house. I took me most of the morning to get the downstairs presentable. I called a lawn service and made arraignments to have the yard taken care of as soon as possible.

Within an hour trucks began showing up. I called a delivery service to have groceries delivered and spent half an hour cleaning out the fridge. I was exhausted and had been up for over twenty-four hours straight. I finally used another bathroom to shower and climbed into a guest bed.

I was out cold and slept harder than I had slept since hearing Edward's name again in March. I couldn't remember dreaming, but something woke me and it took a moment to figure out where I was. I stretched, and my foot hit something making me jump in fear.

"Sorry," Edward said and I looked over to see his silhouette sitting on the end of the bed.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I was going to ask you that exact same thing," he said back.

I sat up and tried to straighten my hair. "Don't worry, it can't be any worse than mine," he chuckled.

"Turn on the light and let me see what I did to you," I instructed.

He walked to the door and turned the light up with a dimmer switch. It was light enough to see, but not light enough to make me squint. I look at his hair, sticking out in all directions like a lion's mane. I put my hand over my mouth and fell back in laughter.

"I'll take you to get it fixed," I promised.

"Maybe I liked it long," he said with humor.

"No way, your hooker thought you looked like the beast in Beauty and the Beast."

He let his head drop and walked back over to the bed to sit. "I don't remember… her," he said softly.

"She seemed to remember you, two hundred dollars worth," I told him.

"Oh my God," he said into his hands.

"But, I negotiated a discount and got you out for only a hundred dollars," I laughed.

He shook his head in disgust and I finally let him off the hook. "You fell asleep, Edward, nothing happened."

He glanced at me to see if I was lying so I added, "I promise."

He continued to stare so I pointed out the obvious, "Would I be here if something happened between you and Jane?"

"Jane," he sneered, "Not even original."

"That's what she said," I teased, making him laugh.

"So, why are you here?" he finally asked.

"You called me," I said to his shocked face, "From your mother's grave."

His eyes grew wide and he shook his head back and forth. "I found a hooker at the cemetery?" he asked and we both began to laugh so hard we couldn't speak. He scooted up onto the bed and moved to lie next to me. "No wonder I called you."

I stared into his eyes and reveled in his beauty, even with the lion's hair. I reached out and ran my finger over his lips and he opened his mouth and bit my fingers lightly.

"Edward, let's fix this," I said softly.

He reached up and held my fingers with his hand, kissing them gently. "I'm in a real mess here, Bella," he admitted.

"I'll help you sort it out," I assured him.

"It will take awhile."

"I have time, I think I've been fired," I smiled.

He opened his mouth to say something and seemed stuck on how to phrase what he was feeling, he tired and couple of times and finally said, "I can't just have a piece of you. I can't function that way. I need…."

"Can we work together on it?" I asked. "Find a way to make it work?"

"I have money, Bella," he said and I wasn't sure what he meant. He could tell I was trying to figure out his meaning so he clarified. "I'm very wealthy, you don't have to work."

"Oh, well there are many reasons to work besides money," I began but he quickly cut me off.

"I know a lot of women stay home when they have a baby, but I want you to stay with me. I want to be with you all the time, okay?"

I swallowed hard and didn't want to fight with him, he wasn't well yet and I didn't want to push him. "Edward, I can stay with you and help you sort everything out, we'll do it together, okay?"

He smiled and added, "You won't leave me?"

I felt tears fill my eyes as I stared at the face of a hurt little boy. "No, Edward. I won't leave you."

He moved to cuddle up against me and I held him tightly. I needed Carlisle and was terrified I just made things worse. But I would do what I needed to do to make him feel secure so he could get the therapy he needed.

"Are you hungry?" I asked him. "I had groceries delivered."

"Yes, I'm starving," he admitted.

I took hold of his hand and walked him to the kitchen. When I turned on the light he looked around in shock. "Your hooker cleaned up," I teased and he rolled his eyes at me.

"In the morning you'll be shocked to see the front yard, too."

He looked over at the dark windows, but only saw his own reflection and quickly tried to smooth down his hair.

"I think it looks hot," I laughed.

He raised his eyebrows and gave me a sexy stare that sent my heart into a gallop. I opened the fridge to concentrate of food instead.

"How about an omelet?"

"Perfect," he said and sat at the table.

He watched my every move like he was afraid I would suddenly disappear. When I handed him his plate he grabbed my wrist and looked right into my eyes, "Thank you, Bella."

"You might want to taste it first," I warned him.

"I'm not talking about the food," he clarified.

"Oh, you're welcome, Edward."

I made my food and he had already finished his omelet, so I placed the second one on his plate and he smiled up at me. I cooked myself one and sat across from him to eat.

"Edward, how did your father die?" I didn't want to bring up a painful memory but I needed information to know how to deal with him.

"I don't know," he said between bites.

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"His partner called me and said my dad died, and I left."

"Did you destroy the room?"

He looked into the air like he was trying to remember and then shrugged. I realized the damage must have been done to the room years ago. I decided I would call his father's partner and see exactly what happened.

"Did you take the bar exam?" I asked and he nodded quickly.

"I'm not stupid."

"I know," I assured him.

I was only wondering if he had a career he could focus on as he healed. We ate and cleaned up the mess and turned to look at each other.

"I'm wide awake and it's bed time," I pointed out.

"We can watch a movie," he suggested.

"Pretty Woman?" I said and raised my eyebrows.

"You're not going to let me forget it, are you?" he laughed.

"Never, Masen! In fact, I think I'll get a kitten and name her Jane," I said as I headed upstairs.

"I'll find Ben and have him get rid of it," he threatened.

I stopped halfway up the stairs and turned to speak to him as he followed me. "Tomorrow, I'm cleaning the top floor," I announced.

"Okay," he smiled.

"That means fixing your dad's room…."

"Okay," he said again.

"…And your mom's room. It's time Edward, to let her be at peace."

His eyes darted to her door and he looked back at me nervously. "When you're done, are you leaving?"

"No, honey, no," I promised. "We're together, okay?"

He nodded and looked back at the door. I ran my hand through his hair and said, "Come on, Simba, let's go watch the Lion King."

5

I woke up the next morning to find Edward wrapped around me tightly. The television was still up at the foot of the bed and the sun was shining through the uncovered windows. I moved and he tightened his arms, "No," he whispered.

"Are you awake?" I asked him.

"No, I'm dreaming, so don't wake me up," he mumbled.

"What are you dreaming?" I asked quietly.

"Bella's with me," he whispered.

"Ah, that's nothing special."

"You're wrong, it's amazing," he said and took a deep breath.

I stared at his beautiful face and felt overwhelming love for him. The years melted away and I was back in his bed, where I belonged.

"If she kissed you in the dream, would you let her?"

"I'd kiss her back," he smiled.

I leaned in slowly and pressed my lips softly to his. He pulled me against him and I could feel his arousal as he moaned when I made contact with him. He rolled us, so he was over me, and deepened the kiss. I ran my hands through his hair and arched my body into his.

He pulled back a bit, hesitantly, and finally fell to my side.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I leaned over to look into his eyes.

"I can't stop thinking about him touching you, it eats away at me." He pounded his fist over his head into the wooded headboard.

"Edward, I love you," I said honestly. "I never loved him like I should have; it was always you I wanted."

"All those nights I stared up at the sky, knowing he was kissing you and loving you, I wanted to die," he said angrily.

"Those same nights I thought you had other women in your bed, Edward. We need to get past that and work on us."

"No more others, Bella, I won't allow another man to ever touch you again," he said holding my face in his hands.

"It isn't about allowing or not allowing, it is about us, being together. I want to be with you, Edward. Do you want to be with me?"

"Yes, but how do I erase all those painful nights?" he asked sincerely.

"You fill them with wonderful nights. I'm right here, in your arms; we don't have to rush anything. I'm not going anywhere."

The doorbell rang and I whimpered in disbelief. "If that's Jane, you are in deep trouble," I said as I got out of bed.

"Shouldn't I answer it?" he asked.

"Not with that hair," I laughed and headed down the stairs.

I opened the door to see a middle aged man with a large stomach light up for joy. "Finally somebody answers. Can you get in touch with junior?"

"Junior?"

"Edward Junior," he clarified.

"You are?"

"I'm Martin Dodge, his accountant."

"Thank God, please come in. I was going to call you today. Edward needs some assistance in getting his affairs in order. I'm Bella Bl…Swan. Let me run and get him."

"He's here?" he asked in shock.

"Yes, he's been here for a couple of months."

"Here, in this house?" he asked.

"Yes, why?"

"We've been trying to find him and we were told he was out of the country."

"He was, he's back now."

Edward came walking down the stairs wearing a sweater cap and spoke without emotion. "Martin, how are you?"

"Edward, do you have any idea how long we have been looking for you?" he asked with anger.

"Have a seat," Edward said and walked over to sit on the sofa.

"I have a box of mail for you," Martin said shaking his head at Edward's lack of concern. "You are now the head of your mother's foundation. We can't function without your signature; we were about ready to have you declared dead."

"Please, sit down Mr. Dodge," I said trying to calm him. "I don't want to overwhelm Edward, let's start with the most important matter and move forward from there."

The robust man looked back and forth between me and Edward and said, "Is he somehow…limited, mentally?"

"Mr. Dodge," Edward said, dropping the casual use of his first name. "If you are suggesting filing a motion in probate court to have me declared incompetent you will not get past the first stage of the three part process. I do not require a guardian; I was simply mourning the death of my parents. Due to my unlimited financial resources I was able to remain in isolation until I felt the need to return home."

"No, not at all Junior, I was simply wondering who the fine lady is," he said smiling at me.

"Please call me Mr. Masen," Edward said sternly. "Bella is…mine."

His words sent a chill down my spine but he smiled and held out his hand for me, calming me a bit.

"You must be at the board meeting tomorrow so we can disperse funds and vote on a budget. Then you need to meet with your lawyer to sign your inheritance papers and distribute your holdings."

"Are you finished?" Edward asked him.

"I'll send a courier with your mail, you might want to hire a private secretary to assist you," he suggested and headed for the door.

"Nice to see you again, Martin," Edward smiled and pulled me onto his lap making the bean counter very uncomfortable.

"That wasn't nice," I laughed.

"He calls me junior just to piss me off," he said and began kissing my neck.

"I need to be a trapeze artist to keep up with your mood swings," I laughed.

"Let's take a shower and go get my hair fixed. I also need a suit." He pushed me up and began walking to the stairs.

"You are going to look so hot in a suit," I said as I swatted his ass.

"You can shower first," he said and my disappointment was evident on my face. I tried not to let him see it and grabbed a clean towel before shutting the bathroom door. I cried in the shower, wondering if he would ever get over his jealousy of Jake and forgive me for giving up on him.

We walked out of the house and Edward stopped to look at my rental car. "What's this?"

"Um…a car, surely you weren't on the island that long," I teased.

"I mean, why do you have a car?"

"I didn't know your address, so I had to search for the house."

"Well, take it back. You can have my mom's car. It's never been driven," he opened the garage, separate from the house, and pulled a dusty cover from a beautiful yellow Porsche.

"I'm not driving that, I'm too afraid to even walk up to it," I laughed. He didn't laugh with me and I could see the anger rising in him. I remembered his mother refused to drive it when his father only wanted to express his love.

I walked over to kiss his cheek and said, "Thank you, Edward. I look forward to you teaching me how to drive it."

We dropped my car off downtown and I rode with him to a parking garage. We walked into a small salon and some very fashionable young women gave me an up and down glance, obviously finding something offensive about me. "I got angry at my boyfriend and need someone to fix his hair."

The girls all looked at Edward, and obviously found nothing offensive about him.

"Take off the cap," a girl smiled at him. He pulled the cap from his head and their eyes all shot open in surprise. "My God, what did you do?" another girl asked him.

"I drank too much," he said with one of his killer smiles that made all the girls go, "Ahhh."

"With a hooker," I added angrily and all the girls glared at Edward.

He sat in a chair and I noticed how the stylist kept running her hands through his hair as she talked to him, he finally turned to look at me and said, "Bella how do you want her to cut it?"

"What style do you want, Edward?" I asked him.

"I want whatever you want," he said with sad eyes.

"You have a board meeting; do you want it short and professional?"

He shrugged, so I finally told the girl to leave it a bit long on top but clean up the sides. I notice Edward's jaw tighten so I asked her to please excuse us for a moment. She walked away after giving Edward a strange look.

"Edward, it's your hair, what style do you want?"

"Like you said, if that is how you like it," he repeated.

"I would like you bald; can I tell her to shave it?"

He laughed but said, "If that's what you want."

I exhaled loudly and glared at him. I was not going to live his life for him, but I decided a hair cut was not worth fighting over. I called the girl over and told her to leave it a bit long but use gel and style it. Edward smiled and I knew it was what he was wanting.

We left and he looked so much like the angry kid from ten years earlier, I wasn't sure if it was good thing or not. Our next stop was at a department store for a suit. He didn't have time to have one tailored so something off the rack would have to do.

The man helping Edward, who was way more into him than a salesman should be, picked out a few choices and sent Edward into the changing room. I picked out a tie, socks and new boxers. When Edward stepped out I actually gasped. He was made to wear a suit, his long legs and broad shoulders made the fabric hang perfectly.

The salesman stood behind him, and I mean an inch behind him, and played with the suit as Edward looked in the mirror.

"I love it," I smiled.

"Okay, I'll get this one," Edward said and began taking off the jacket.

"Wait," I said quickly, "Let me see the others."

The man, who was hoping for much more than a simple commission, smiled and led Edward back to the changing room. I laughed and shook my head. Edward was clueless about the effect he had on both men and women, and I was grateful.

We debated between two suits and finally bought them both. As we headed from the store I looked at his feet, "Do you have dress shoes?"

"No, do I need them?" he asked innocently.

I groaned and pulled him to the shoe section. We were loaded down with bags by the time we left and we only had things for one meeting. When we got home I found a box had been delivered, stuffed full of mail; he really did need a secretary.

I fixed him some food and began the task of cleaning the upstairs. He sat at the piano and played as I filled bag after bag from his father's room. I would pack up his mom's room while he was at the board meeting the next day.

I was bent over the tub with a scrubber, dripping in sweat from exertion and from the humid, summer, Chicago day. I felt a hand touch my back and I screamed, almost falling into the tub.

"Whoa, you okay?" Edward laughed.

I used the back of my hand to move my wet hair out of my face and hoped Edward wasn't disgusted by the sweaty mess in front of him.

"What do you need?" I asked him.

"I missed you," he smiled and I rolled my eyes.

"Go play, so mommy can finish her work," I chuckled.

His smile faded and he gave me a disapproving look so I instantly apologized. "I'm almost done and then I need another shower," I said as I pulled the clinging shirt from my skin.

"Can I shower with you this time?" he asked.

My heart went crazy, "Sure, if you want to."

He licked his lips and reached out to hold onto my hips, "Yeah, I really want to."

"It will cost you two hundred bucks," I teased.

He stared right into my eyes and said with a cooked grin, "I plan on it costing much more than that."

I looked at the tub, knowing nobody would be actually using the thing, and tossed the scrubber and rubber gloves into it. "I think it's clean enough," I announced.

He motioned with his head for me to follow him and I walked with shaky legs into his room. He was busy positioning all the shower heads as I removed my sweating clothing and tossed them in a hamper.

"Those will mold if you don't wash them right away," he said.

I was a bit disappointed that he mentioned the clothes and nothing about the fact I was standing nude in front of him.

"Fine, you shower while I do laundry," I said angrily and picked up the hamper.

"If you're doing laundry naked, I'm coming with you," he laughed.

"Oh, you noticed," I said sarcastically.

"Are you mad at me?" he asked with a smirk.

"Aren't I always?" I sneered.

He placed his hands on my shoulders and pushed me towards the shower. I stood under the array of sprays all pointing at me as Edward stood back and let his eyes moved up and down my body. He finally looked at my eyes and smiled.

"Can I suggest one change?" he said and I felt like a creature from The Blob.

"I work a lot, so I don't make it to the gym very often," I mumbled, humiliated, and he began to laugh loudly.

"I want you to get my name tattooed on your hip; there is not one thing on your body you need to improve."

I could feel my face blush and he stepped forward and pulled me to him, "You're beautiful, Bella, you should know that by now. Didn't…um…didn't he…."

"No, and please don't bring him up right now," I begged.

His face turned very serious and his eyes darkened. "I want you to think of him right now, if fact I want him to fill your mind, because I plan on erasing every thought of him, forever."

I was packing up Mr. Masen's clothes into large boxes and thought about our shower yesterday. I couldn't understand how Edward could be so needy he couldn't tell someone how to cut his hair, and then turn into a man who could make my body into mush.

I could never accuse Jake of being front and center in my mind, it was the whole problem with our marriage, Edward resided where he should have been. But Edward made good on his promise. My body remembered him after all these years and responded in a way it never did with Jake.

I felt a shiver run through me just thinking about it. He performed a symphony, moving in unison with the sprays, never letting my flesh free from attention until I begged him mercifully to let it end. I couldn't stand and had to be carried to the bed.

I laughed to myself as I determined I owed him a lot of money.

I marked the boxes for the Salvation Army and moved to his mother's room. I was a bit ticked that all my hard work had been undone and got busy repacking all the memories. It bothered me that her clothes had been left unused for so many years. They could have gone to a good cause.

I stripped the bed and pulled an old quilt from the linen closet to cover it, giving the room a totally different look. I carried a box up to the attic and found box after box marked 'junior.' I opened one to find it full of baby clothes.

I pulled out the tiny items and felt my eyes fill with tears. I could imagine Edward dressed in the little garments being held lovingly by his mother. I also heard the loud sound of a clock begin to tick and I rocked the tiny romper back and forth in my arms. I was pathetic.

I never heard Edward come home and was stunned to look up and see him staring down at me. "What are you doing?" he asked hesitantly.

"Look at your tiny clothes," I said, holding it up for him to view.

"So," he said harshly.

"I just think it is so sweet, can you imagine a baby this small?"

He grabbed the flannel from my hands and threw it back into the box. "These are personal items, don't rummage through them," he said as he quickly shut the box and put it back on the shelf.

Okay, now we reached something worth fighting over. I stood slowly and squared my shoulders. "Rummage through them?" I asked angrily.

"Don't look at me like that," he demanded sending me right from anger into rage.

"Maybe I was searching through the boxes to find _you _something appropriate to wear, since you can't seem to make a decision without my constant advice, you damn baby."

"Or maybe you just want a baby of your own," he yelled back at me.

"I already have one, _Junior_," I screamed at him.

He turned and headed down the attic steps so I ran after him. "Don't walk away from me," I yelled but he kept walking.

He went into his room and slammed the door shut, locking it behind him. I stared at the knob absolutely stunned. I didn't know if he was taking a stand and I should encourage it, or if he was sulking and I should call him on it.

So I did the one thing I knew would push his buttons. I went back to the attic to 'rummage through' the boxes. Each box was like stepping back in time. They contained his clothing and his toys, envelopes of hair and boxes of lost teeth, his entire childhood confined in boxes, neatly preserved.

When I finished the sun was beginning to set and I came downstairs to find Edward making something in the kitchen. I felt bad he had to make his own dinner, but very happy that he took the initiative to do it.

He glanced at me and went right back to cooking his noodles. I walked over and put my arms around his waist and hugged him from behind. "I can't guarantee its good, but it will be edible," he said softly.

I kissed his back and moved to lean against the counter to see his face. "How was the board meeting?"

"Long," he groaned.

"Feeling overwhelmed?" I asked him.

"Not really, but we have a gala Friday night. Take my Visa, buy a gown or anything else you need."

"Do you need a tux?"

"Yeah," he sighed and I smiled widely.

"What?" he asked, a bit irritated.

"I am going to love seeing you in a tux."

His mouth twitched and he tried really hard not to smile. "There's more, but I have to make sure you're in a good mood before I tell you."

"So, if I stay grumpy I don't have to hear the bad news?"

"It's not bad news, just…uncomfortable news," he explained to confuse me more.

"Go ahead, I'm happy, Bella," I said with a fake smile plastered to my face.

"You're singing," he said without looking away from his boiling pot.

"Edward, wake up, you're having a nightmare," I said as I shook him lightly.

He finally laughed at looked at me. "I'll play for you, but I promised them you would sing…it's to….honor my mother."

"Oh. I would love to sing to honor your mother," I said softly. "Are you sure you can play?"

He nodded without answering and I pulled some things from the fridge to make a salad. When we finally sat to eat he asked, "Do you know the song A Bunch of Thyme?"

"I've heard it, but I don't know the words, why, is that what you want to play?"

"It was my mother's favorite," he said without directly answering my question.

"If you have the music I can work on it," I told him and watched as he swallowed and finally nodded.

I sat through dinner thinking about it and got more and more excited to perform with Edward. It was the one thing we did together that allowed us to still be individuals.

I headed to the music room and tuned the guitar while he looked for the music. He handed me the worn sheet and I said, "I can sit on the bench if we need to share?"

"I have it memorized," he told me and I could have smacked myself for even wondering. He sat and began playing lightly.

"Show me the tempo you want to use," I said as I stopped playing the guitar.

"Do you want to try the fish thing?" he asked.

"The fish thing?" I laughed, "What in the hell is the fish thing?"

"Where you play slow and I back up with a faster tempo," he explained and I remembered him telling me he thought of it watching Jake fish.

"Oh, yeah, but let me sit in the other room so I don't get pulled into yours." I sat down the hall where I could still hear him but the sound was much softer. I yelled for him to start and he yelled back the count of three.

I held the notes as he improvised flourishing rifts for each stanza. On our third run through I began to add some vocals. I sang softly, so he couldn't hear as I began working on a pattern. By the tenth time through I walked into the music room and played right next to him.

The song sounded totally different, because it was ours, not a cover of the original. When we made it all the way through with music and lyrics I looked up to see tears streaming down Edward's face. I sat the guitar down and walked over to hug him.

"Is it painful, to sing her song?"

He gave me a shocked look and then smiled, "No, love, it's hearing you sing that brings me to tears."

I clutched my heart and felt my own tears coming, "Edward, thank you, I will never fight with you again," I vowed.

He put his hands on the sides of my head and said, "Where will we find a doctor willing to sew your mouth shut?"

I leaned my forehead against his and whispered, "Maybe the same one who reattaches you penis will be willing."

He laughed loudly and it was music to my ears. I hugged him tightly and we sat in silence letting the music in our heads resonate around us, his tempo much too fast, and mine much too slow.

I was more nervous about buying the right gown than singing in front of a bunch of do- gooders. I wanted to look sophisticated without looking matronly. I tried on gown after gown and finally decided to bring in professional help. I called Alice.

"I should hang up on you," she yelled.

"Why?"

"You run off without telling anybody and then turn your phone off so we can't check on you," she said in one remarkably fast sentence.

"I didn't want to hear Jack fire me," I explained.

"You call friends, Bella," Alice screamed loudly into the phone, making me hold it far from my ear.

"Okay, I'm calling," I yelled back at her.

"So did you talk him off a roof or something?" she softened.

"I need a gown," I said with a less than enthusiastic voice.

"Are you getting married?" she screamed loudly again into my ear.

"No, stop yelling at me, I need a ball gown," I explained.

Alice immediately became her perky self and began telling me exactly what to look for. "Get one in midnight blue, it will look great with your skin and compliment Edward's tux…he's wearing a tux right?"

"Yes," I said and she quickly began talking again.

"Stay away from thick fabrics, it's summer, look for light material that flows, but no taffeta. You have great legs so find something with a slit to show some leg. Buy a silver shoe with heels and thin straps."

"Here's a dress in peach," I said as I looked at the hanger.

I could hear her actually pound her phone against a hard surface three times, "Are you listening to me? Midnight blue," she demanded.

"Okay, let me hunt and I will send you a picture from my phone."

"Oh, and Bella," she said, "Hair up."

"Let's get the dress before we move on to hair and makeup," I laughed.

I went to three stores before I found something close to what Alice suggested. I tried it on and had to imagine it with full hair and makeup. I asked the saleswoman to take a picture for me and I sent it to Alice.

My phone began to ring and I placed it to my ear, knowing Alice wouldn't give me time to say hello. I listened to her critique and turned to the saleswoman, "What are 'spanks' and do you sell them?" She smiled and nodded to me, so I went back to listening to Alice.

I made it home with an Alice approved dress, shoes, spanks, which pissed me off when I found out they were just a modern day girdle, an appointment to have my makeup done so I could have a 'smoky eye,' and a manicure and pedicure. Edward would regret giving me his Visa.

I found him in his father's office going through his mail and noticed he sat condolence cards off to the side without opening them.

"How's it going?" I asked.

"Well," he said as if he was exhausted. "I lost a shitload of money in the market and then made it all back. I think everyone should go three years without opening mail."

"Why don't you hire a secretary until you get caught up with everything," I suggested.

"You don't want to be my secretary?" he asked as he opened another envelope.

"Not if I'm sleeping with the boss," I laughed. "I'll go back to work eventually.

His eyes flashed with anger and his jaw tightened. I reached for his hand, but he pulled away.

"Edward, I'm not a lawyer, I can't follow you to work and sit by your side all day and unless you plan on filling my life with children I have to do something."

"I have money," he said harshly.

"I know, but you need purpose, Edward. You want to know you added to your family's fortune or helped people who don't have money by representing them. Just like I need to know I can do something that makes a difference."

His head fell to the side and he said with a sorrowful voice, "Make a difference in my life, I need you, Bella. Things are so much better now you're here."

"Edward," I said with as much emotion as I could, "I'm never going to leave you. I love you with all that I am."

He grabbed my hand and held it tightly to his cheek with his eyes closed. I could almost feel the fear rolling off of him. I ran my other hand through is hair, and screamed at myself for focusing so much on his anger, and not realizing how terrified he was all the time.

6

I stared at my reflection in the mirror and wondered who the woman was staring back at me. My hair was stacked loosely onto my head and exposing my long neck as the gown made a tight silhouette down my body. I loved spanks and would thank Alice for bringing them into my world.

I was holding onto the railing making my way down the wide staircase when Edward stepped into view. I froze and gawked at him like a buzzard during the plague. I had an instant fantasy enter my mind which involved Edward making love to me while dressed in his tux.

"Bella, my God," he said softly.

For a moment I thought he meant the thoughts running through my head, but that was silly, Edward couldn't read minds. I blushed and began heading towards him.

"You must find a job that requires you to wear a tux daily," I smiled.

"You look so amazing," he said as he wove his hands around my waist," that I want to rip the dress right off of you.

"Hold that thought, I'm sure you'll be angry at me by the end of the night," I teased.

"Are you trying to tell me what to do?" he said with mock anger, pretending to be enraged.

"Like that would work, you _want_ me to tell you what to do," I said rolling my eyes.

"You are stunning," he said with a serious look.

"I have a bit of a sore throat, I hope I can sing decently," I admitted.

"Are you getting sick?" he asked feeling my head.

"Do you want to play doctor?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

He pulled me tighter against him and whispered into my ear, "I'll give you a full exam after the gala."

"I'm holding you to it," I murmured.

He grabbed the music and the guitar and held out his elbow for my hand. I was stunned when he led me to the Porsche and opened the passenger door, but I didn't make a big deal of it. We pulled in front of an old perfectly restored building and I noticed the large banner of Elizabeth, hanging from the rafters.

People began greeting us right as we entered the door and I tensed when Edward introduced me as his wife. I glanced sideways at him, but he just ignored me. We may be fighting by the end of the night after all.

I met so many people I couldn't tell one from another, until a Doctor approached me and introduced his 'secretary'. I stared into the round, blue eyes of Jane. She was dressed in a gown and wore heavy makeup to make her appear older, but it was Jane alright.

Her eyes showed absolutely no recognition of me and I knew Edward's lack of long hair would make it hard for her to recognize him, but I couldn't resist seeing for myself. I called him over and introduced him. His face was as blank as hers.

"You remember the lion's mane, don't you dear," I said to help his memory. It had been less than a week for crying out loud.

He tensed and looked from Jane to the doctor and his mouth opened wide. I stood and enjoyed the uncomfortable silence with a big smile on my face. I finally spoke up and said, "Jane, Edward is looking for a temporary secretary, do you know anyone you could recommend?"

She looked Edward up and down and asked, "Do you pay well?"

Edward chuckled and the poor doctor looked like he was ready to pass out from stress. "You'll pay what, one, two hundred dollars," I said looking at Edward.

"Actually, love, I'll let you work out those details," he smirked and quickly excused himself.

I took a glass of champagne from a waiter, trying to sooth my aching throat, and began to worry about the song.

The program started and everyone found their seats. Dinner was served and I noticed everything tasted so bland. I was sure I was coming down with something and leaned over to speak into Edward's ear. "I'm feeling really weird. If I can't sing, can we just play a duet?"

"Do you need to leave?" he asked with worried eyes.

"No, I just feel really weird, my throat hurts and I can't taste anything."

"The room is full of doctors, I can ask one to take a look at you," he suggested.

"No, I'm sure it is just a cold."

He began to pick at his food and his arm remained tightly around my shoulders. I was mad for making him worry. I should have realized Edward would over react. I smiled throughout the auction and felt a surge of relief when the time came to sing and my throat had not gotten any worse.

Edward moved my chair closer to the piano bench and I had to move it away again. "I can't have you play so closely, I can't concentrate on my tempo," I whispered to him.

I could hear his tension in his playing, but as soon as I added the lyrics he seemed to relax. When we finished the room erupted into thunderous applause and I saw Edward wiping his eyes. He was so beautiful and his mother would have been so proud.

We stepped from the high rise and were met with throngs of well wishers. I was suddenly much more interesting for some reason, and everyone wanted to set up lunch dates or have us for dinner. The only question I couldn't answer was the one about the timing of our marriage. I deflected it by telling them I knew Edward since I was seventeen.

A band began to play and Edward saved me by pulling me to the dance floor. I held him in my arms in complete bliss. "I'm going home with you after this dance," I laughed.

"I don't care if Angela is giving birth on top of the Hancock building, you are absolutely coming home with me," he said before kissing my nose.

"I love you," I smiled at him.

"Say it again, what you said the other night," he said with an intense face.

"Yes, Oh God, yes?" I laughed.

He smiled his crooked smile and said, "No, the thing about why you will never leave me."

"I love you with all that I am?"

His eyes grew wet and he swallowed deeply, "Yeah, that's it."

I put my palm against his cheek and rubbed my thumb against his flesh. "I love you Edward Masen, with all that I am, and I will never leave you."

"I'll never grow tired of hearing it," he smiled and kissed me softly. We listened to the music as we held each other until Edward finally asked, "Do you remember Jane, not the hooker; the little girl I said was my girlfriend?"

I thought back to the picture of the little girl in his wallet, "The cooks daughter, yeah, why?"

He suddenly shook his head like he regretting bringing it up. "Let's go home," he said as his hand came to take mine and lead me from the dance floor.

We snuck out and I'm sure Edward was supposed to stay all night, but they didn't even know he was in town a week ago. I kept my hands on him the entire ride home and we rushed right upstairs. I grabbed one of his shirts and took my time in the bathroom, letting my hair down and removing the hideous spanks.

When I came out he was already in bed with the lights low and music playing. My hair was falling in huge curls around my face and he whistled loudly. I grabbed onto one of the large posts at the bottom of the bed and danced provocatively.

"Bella, get in bed right this second," he said with a thick voice. I laughed and jumped up onto the tall mattress and he pulled me quickly into his arms.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Perfect, now."

He gave me one of his toe curling kisses and everything in the world disappeared.

I woke up hoping to feel relaxed and contented, but I felt woozy and achy. I knew something was coming on and I was glad it held off for the gala. I climbed out of bed and made my way to the kitchen where Edward sat with his laptop and coffee.

"Good morning, love, how…"

"I'm sick," I groaned.

He jumped up and rushed over to feel my head. "You don't have a fever; do you want me to call a doctor?"

"No, I just need some Tylenol and fluids," I complained.

"Get in bed, I'll take care of you," he said determinedly.

I dragged my sorry butt back upstairs and climbed into bed. Edward came with some juice and medications and the next thing I knew it was dark again.

"Bella, wake up," he said as he shook me vigorously.

"Yeah," I said.

"Are you okay, you slept all day?" I could hear the panic in his voice and I asked him to help me to the bathroom. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and my skin was very pale.

"What can I make you to eat?" he asked.

"I'm not hungry," I said and sat on the toilet.

"You have to eat something, let me at least get you some cereal."

I nodded just to get him to leave and saw the toilet was full of blood. Getting my period was the last thing I needed right now and I yelled for Edward to get my purse. I used a tampon and splashed water on my face and returned to the bed totally exhausted.

Edward fed me a couple of bites of Cheerio's, but I couldn't eat anymore.

"What can I do for you?" he asked.

"You can run to the market and buy me some tampons," I said with my eyes closed.

He didn't respond, or move, so I opened my eyes. He chuckled uncomfortably and said, "Bella, it's embarrassing."

"Are you kidding me, grow up," I said and closed my eyes again.

"I don't even know where to get them or what to buy," he said, trying his hardest to get out of the task.

"Edward, please don't make me call your hooker, do this for me, please."

"Do you have Jane's number?" he seriously asked me.

"Help me up, I need to pee again," I said holding out my arm.

"You just went and you haven't had much to drink," he pointed out.

"Do you want me to pee the bed or are you going to help me," I said angrily.

He assisted my to the bathroom and left the room after making sure I was seated safely. I was stunned to see the bowl full of blood again. I removed my tampon to see it was clear and began to really panic.

"Edward," I yelled loudly.

"Yeah," he called from the door.

"I think I need to go to the hospital."

The door flew open, banging into the wall, and the look on Edward's face made me begin to cry. "I'm bleeding," I cried.

"Isn't that normal?" he asked.

"The blood is in my urine, not from my period."

"Should I call an ambulance?" he asked in a panic.

"No, just help me to the car."

He was frozen to his spot and I watched the color fade from his face. His breathing was becoming erratic and he began shaking his head back and forth. "You promised me, Bella. You promised," he yelled.

"Promised what?" I said with a weak voice.

"You said you would never leave me," he cried.

"Edward," I said through my tears, "Help me."

He finally moved from his spot, and gently pulled me up, only to gasp when he saw the blood. He helped me stand to pull up my boxers and then lifted me into his arms, carrying me down the stairs and into the car. He was speeding from the house and I didn't bother complaining. We were at the hospital in minutes and he carried me inside screaming for help.

I tried to tell him to calm down but I was too exhausted to even speak. I was laid on a gurney and rushed behind large automatic doors. I could hear people talking around me but I just wanted to sleep. As I faded off, I thought I heard Edward screaming in rage.

The room was dark and I had to blink several times to make out the outline of a figure sitting in a chair and lying across my legs. I sat up, not understanding where I was but feeling so much better.

"Edward?" I called out.

He jumped up and rushed to my side. I could only see a shadow of his beautiful face and pulled it right up against my own. I could feel the wetness of his tears and soon heard the sobs he was trying to hold back.

"Don't cry," I begged.

He wrapped his arms around me and rocked me from side to side, too emotional to speak.

"What happened to me?" I asked.

"They don't know," he whispered.

"I feel better," I said to encourage him.

"You were given an infusion of blood; your red cell count was so low."

"Do I have a disease?" I asked him and instantly regretted it.

"Don't leave me," he said and began crying loudly.

"No, I'm not going to leave you, I promise."

I let him hold me tightly for several minutes and he finally pulled back and wiped his eyes. "Carlisle and Esme are here."

Now I was scared, why would they come all this way if I wasn't extremely ill? I was excited to see them and get their take on how Edward was doing, but something didn't seem right.

"I'm starving," I said and Edward began listing foods he was willing to get me. I finally asked for salty chips and he smiled as he quickly left the room.

He returned with three different kinds of chips and I laughed at him. I picked one and he opened the bag just as Carlisle and Esme entered the room. I was so relieved to see them and Carlisle gave me a huge hug before asking Edward to step outside and speak with him.

Esme gave me a hug and pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and looked at me like she was choosing her words carefully.

"Bella, honey, what are you doing?" she finally settled with.

"About what?" I asked surprised.

"What are you doing here? You walked out on your job, your friends, your parents don't even know where you are, and you isolated yourself in Edward's world."

When she said it like that it looked totally different than running off to save the man I loved.

"He needed me," I said softly as I began playing with the edge of the blanket.

"I understand that, believe me, I do, but you need to set up boundaries and make him be a partner in the relationship or he will always need you."

"He's so much better than how he was. He went to a board meeting and we attended a gala," I said trying to convince myself.

"And what about your relationship?" she pressed.

"I promised I would never leave him."

"Is that healthy?"

I shook my head and then whispered, "At the gala he introduced me as his wife, and we've never discussed marriage."

"Did you correct him?"

"No," I said in shame. "I didn't want to embarrass him in front of people he knew."

"Bella, he is systematically taking away your identity. Soon he will offer you money and expensive things you can't possibly pay him back for…"

"Like a Porsche," I said, angry at myself.

"Yes, like a Porsche."

"He gave me his Visa card and keeps telling me I don't have to work because he has money," I cried.

"Bella, you need to come home and get your life in order. If you want to work Edward into it, great, but you can't run from yourself to fix him."

"If I leave him he will fall apart, I can't," I said adamantly.

"There's two more weeks before school starts. Carlisle can stay with Edward while you get your own affairs in order. Edward can manage two weeks."

"What if I bring him to Washington with me while I clean things up?"

"Bella, Edward can manage for two weeks," she reiterated.

"How am I supposed to tell him?" I said almost on the verge of hysterics.

"We will sit down with both of you; you are being released as soon as the doctor comes to sign the order. Then you will fly home with me."

When Edward and Carlisle returned I tried to smile as if nothing was wrong, but Edward gave me a funny look and glanced at Esme.

"I hear I'm getting out on good behavior," I teased.

"I'm taking you home and spoiling you rotten. I looked into a mattress that adjusts to different positions," he said with pride.

"No, Edward, the mattress is fine." I said forcefully but he just changed the subject.

"You need to hire a cleaning service; you've worked too hard around that big house."

"I miss my condo," I said honestly.

His face tightened and he stood. "You miss the condo or Jake?"

My mouth fell open and Esme quickly interceded.

"Edward," Esme said with authority, "Did Bella mention Jake?"

He shook his head shamefully and crossed his arms. Esme continued. "Does Bella lie to people?"

He shook his head again. "Then when she tells you she misses her condo, it is what she means."

Esme was a freaking genius. I hoped to someday have half of her skill.

A nurse came in and began the discharge process and I was told to visit a family doctor in the next week or so to have my red cells checked again. I walked out the door with hope that not only was I fine, but Edward and I could be fine together.

As soon as we walked through the door Carlisle asked to speak to us both and my knees began to shake. Edward sat and pulled me onto his lap, making me feel like a child. I didn't have the nerve to move. Esme sat next to Edward, probably with a syringe hidden in her pocket.

"Bella, you left behind some responsibilities that need to be addressed," Carlisle said.

"We can hire someone to take care of it," Edward said forcefully.

"You can't hire someone to explain her disappearance to her parents, they deserve respect."

"She can call them, or send them a ticket to come visit us," Edward offered as if he had given it a lot of thought.

"Okay, first of all, I am in the room. Don't speak for me, Edward, I am not a child. You wouldn't treat Lilly like this," I pointed out and watched his jaw tighten.

"Fine, I will take you to Forks," he said as a compromise.

"You have responsibilities here, Edward," Esme said.

"Bella is my responsibility," he said with tight lips.

"Why did you introduce me as your wife?" I asked him.

"Because that is how I think of you," he answered.

"Edward, you've never talked to me about it. You just assumed I would be okay being introduced that way."

He pushed me from his lap and stood angrily. Carlisle stood too, to even the intimidating presence.

"Would you rather I call you Jacob Black's wife," he yelled.

"Oh, don't you dare go there. I would rather you court me, and buy a ring, and get on your knee and give me a proposal I can tell my grandkids about, but that won't happen, will it Edward? There is no way you would be willing to share me with grandchildren."

"You promised," he said in his terrifying calm.

"I'm not leaving you," I screamed at the top of my lungs. "I need to give notice at my job, I need to sell my condo, and I need to explain to my friends and family why I'm leaving."

"You can do all of that from here," he demanded.

I took a deep breath and decided to take a stand. "I have a phone and email. We can talk every day and I will come visit you, and you can come visit me. And about the car, I have one, if you want the Porsche, great, but I don't."

"You expect me to be your pen pal?" he screamed.

"No, I expect you to sacrifice too. I'm giving up so much for you, what are you giving up for me?"

"You are my life," he yelled in shock.

"You didn't answer me, what are you giving up, bringing me into your life?"

He began looking around in a panic as he tried to come up with one thing he sacrificed for me. It was a defining moment and showed me the balance was off in our relationship.

I stood and said, "Edward, hire a secretary and get through the mail, open the damn cards, get all your inheritance papers signed, and meet with your accountant, your lawyer, and your father's partner. I will take care of things on my end and then we will talk about our future together. I refuse to continue to hinder you as your mother did."

"Don't you dare use my mother's name to make excuses to break your promises to me. If you walk out that door, don't come back."

"You better be very careful with your words right now, Edward," I warned him.

"I should have stuck with Jane," he sneered.

I squared my shoulders and readied myself for an all out brawl, but his next words took all the wind from my sails.

"You should have stayed with Jake."

He stormed from the room as I stood in stunned silence with my heart bleeding profusely.

"Bella, don't fall for this, it is a temper tantrum and nothing more," Carlisle said to hold me together.

I heard Edward's car screech from the driveway and I turned to apologize to the Cullens. We were adults now and they were still working like crazy to fix us. I sat in a chair and they both sat across from me.

"Bella, tell me why you love Edward," Carlisle asked.

"I know you must think I am crazy for loving him…."

"No, I didn't mean to infer that," he said to stop me, "We both love Edward very much, I want to hear you articulate in words why you love him."

"There is a part of Edward that is not broken, a part that is confident and giving, like when I see him with Lilly," I smiled at the memory. "He would be a great father, but he doesn't see the good in himself. He feels the fear and it blinds him to everything else."

They both nodded and Esme was trying to contain her emotions. "Sometimes," I added softly, "I don't feel worthy of him."

"Bella, the reason we want to help so badly, is because Esme and I were once you and Edward. I was raised by just my father, and he made me his entire life. When I didn't want to be a minister, like he was, it broke his heart. I craved his affection and approval to a very unhealthy degree. Esme married at a young age to a very abusive man. He took her dignity and she felt weak. It is possible to fix the problems you two are having, we are proof of that."

I jumped from my chair and grabbed onto the both of them as I sobbed. "Please help us," I begged, feeling the desire to have a life with Edward, not just becoming his shadow.

I was up most of the night with Esme and when she finally went to sleep I headed to the attic. I was looking for something of Edward's that I could cling to for hope. After digging through several boxes I found a picture. He was around twelve or thirteen, and he was standing this his arms around a couple of buddies at his school. His smile was wide and his eyes sparkled. He looked completely and totally happy.

I put the picture in my pocket and returned the boxes to the shelves and went to see if he was in his room. It was empty so I looked at the only place I knew he could be. I climbed inside the Porsche and prayed I didn't wreck it as I crawled slowly from the driveway.

I saw his car parked outside the cemetery so I climbed the brick wall and began walking around looking for anybody. I was terrified and imagined shadows everywhere, but when you love someone as much as I love Edward; you are willing to battle the otherworld.

I finally saw him lying on a small cement bench under a tree. His hand was hanging loosely and I could make out a bottle in his grasp. I walked up to see him staring upward with glazed eyes.

"Edward," I said softly knowing he was aware I was there.

"Do you hear it?" he asked without looking at me.

Hear what?"

"The sound, it comes from the east."

I looked around the cemetery and saw nothing. "I don't hear anything," I told him.

He raised a finger and pointed at the moon, "It pulls away, always taking things away."

I reached down and took the bottle from him, assuming he was drunk, but the lid was unopened. I bit my lip and looked around, trying desperately not to cry. "Edward, I need you to get well, because I want you so badly."

He continued to stare upward and said, "It never stops, so I just play louder."

"Edward, stop, listen to me," I said loudly and pulled on his arm.

He groaned loudly and stuck his fists into his eyes to rub them vigorously. "Why are you here?" he suddenly asked.

"I want you to come home, so we can talk," I pleaded.

"Talk... No, I don't want to talk to you," he said and began staring up again.

"I want to set up a schedule of phone calls and visits, until I come here permanently," I explained.

"Sure Bella, just like last time, I wonder who you'll marry now," he said to twist the knife.

"At least Jake asked me," I said angrily and then stomped my foot for not being able to shut up.

I began to feel weak and I wanted to sit down, but Edward was covering the entire bench. I didn't wait for his retaliation and began walking back to the block fence. I began to climb and numbness spread through me as nausea overwhelmed me. I dropped from my climb and vomited into the shrubs. I couldn't find the strength to stand and crawled to sit against the wall.


	3. Chapter 7 thru 9

7

The sun was beginning to rise and I heard a lawn crew come through the gates. I wanted to call out for them, but my voice wouldn't carry over the loud equipment. They had just passed when I saw Edward walking towards me. I raised my hand to get his attention and he sprinted over to me.

"I need help," I said softy.

"What's wrong?" he said as he picked me up off the ground.

"I'm sick," I said feeling totally exhausted.

He put me into his car and drove quickly to his home, after I begged him not to take me to the hospital. He carried me to his bed and placed me gently before running off to find Esme. I just wanted to sleep and couldn't focus on the chaos going on around me.

I remembered someone using a pen light to look into my eyes and a small prick in my arm to take blood, but the hours passed by without comprehending much. I heard Edward singing softly in my ear and I smiled.

"Can you hear me, love?"

"Mmm," I moaned.

"Bella, we need some information. Can you answer some questions?"

I nodded slightly and I felt him pull away from me. I wanted to protest but I was so tired. I heard a commotion of people coming into the room and voices I didn't recognize. People began checking my vitals and I tried to call out for Edward.

"I'm here," he answered from too far away.

"Bella, I'm Doctor Young, can you tell me what chemicals you have been using."

"Cleaner," I mumbled.

"Any pesticides?"

"No."

"Were you by any fields where crop dusters passed?"

I shook my head and wanted him to stop talking so I could rest. I called out for Edward again and he finally came up to the bed. "Bella, were you outside when the lawn service was working?"

"No, what's wrong with me?" I asked with my eyes closed.

"We're not sure, love." I could hear the tension in his voice and I became terrified he was going to have a meltdown. "We need to move you to the hospital; Charlie and Renee are on their way."

"Don't be mad," I slurred.

He leaned into my ear and whispered, "Fight for me, I can't lose you."

I knew at that moment something was terribly wrong, and I would fight, because Edward was worth fighting for. I began to focus on my breathing and concentrating on my body. I began at my toes and made sure every muscle was working.

I was put in an ambulance and taken back to the hospital. I was given another transfusion and felt strong enough to at least keep my eyes open. An infectious disease specialist came in and asked me a bunch of questions, but nobody seemed to know what was happening.

My poor parents looked totally distraught when they arrived. Edward stayed sheepishly back but Charlie was having none of that. "You better start talking son, and quick."

"Bella came to help me with some problems, she just got ill all the sudden," he said with a shaky voice. I knew he wasn't afraid of my father, he was afraid I wouldn't get well.

"Dad, Edward didn't do anything. I think I have some weird virus or something. I feel much better," I said to ease his mind.

"You don't need blood transfusions to feel better, it is not normal, Bella."

A doctor came in and informed me my liver counts were off and they needed to keep me for a few days. I immediately looked at Edward and I could see the blood drain from his face. I held out my hand and he took it. I could feel him shaking.

"Edward, I'll be fine," I said to ease his mind, but he gave me such a painful stare I worried for him.

"We are taking you home," my mother insisted. "You can rest and get back on your feet, with constant care."

"I can care for her," Edward said forcefully.

"She's coming home," Charlie said as he glared at Edward.

I squeezed his hand and smiled at him. "Get a secretary and take care of your obligations and then come to Seattle."

He walked over and sat in a chair telling my parents he was not going anywhere while I was in that hospital. They talked with my doctor at length and got the name of a doctor in Seattle. I called Edward to my bed when they left, and moved enough for him to lay with me.

"I honestly feel so much better, I think with some bed rest and less stress I will be fine."

"I cause you stress?" he asked with a sad voice.

I laughed loudly, "You are aging me quickly, Edward, I had to pay your prostitute," I reminded him.

"I don't mean to," he said softly.

"I have to go home to get better, and I need you to stay here and get better, then come for me," I whispered.

He didn't respond and I continued on, "Edward, what comes from the East?"

"The waves," he whispered.

"From the Island?"

"Yeah, the noise would never stop, I hated them."

"How did your father die?" I asked once again hoping he would now know what happened.

"Of a broken heart," he sighed.

I didn't respond, knowing he couldn't have truly died of a broken heart, but it was enough to know Edward thought he did.

"Can we fix us?"

"I don't know?" he answered honestly.

That seemed like a lifetime ago. I came home with my parents, worried the entire way that the waves would haunt Edward until he couldn't take it anymore. My mother stayed with me for three weeks as I made the rounds through specialist of every kind. I felt wonderful and all my labs came back fine.

I had shown up at work to get my stuff and was actually offered a job as a producer. I took it just for the experience and planned to quit the moment my condo sold. I talked with Edward often and he seemed distant, until one particular day.

I got back to my office and had several calls from Edward; I called him back in a panic only to hear him chattering excitedly about something wonderful that happened. He stopped by a legal clinic and offered his services. He met with a young couple that very day, struggling with getting their credit restored after having their identity stolen. He felt needed and exhilarated.

I was listening to him gush with pride when a woman's voice could be heard in the background. "Who is with you?" I asked him.

"My personal secretary," he said like I had gone brain dead.

"You hired one?"

"I told you," he said, but I quickly interrupted him.

"No, I told you to get one; you never told me you did. Who is she?" I was feeling a bit jealous.

"Jane," he said without laughing.

"Not, funny," I said harshly.

"Not Jane the…you know."

"Your hooker?"

"_The_ hooker, not _my_ hooker," he said irritated.

"Okay, Jane_, the_ hooker you paid a hundred bucks to?" I added making a point.

"Jane the hooker YOU paid a hundred bucks to," he corrected.

"It was your money," I pointed out.

"You still paid her."

"Forget it, so what Jane?" I asked.

"I asked you if you remembered the little girl, our cook's daughter," he said, not seeing anything wrong with his assumption.

"She's what," I counted in my head, "Nineteen?"

"I guess, I don't know."

"I want your testicles in a jar," I said in anger.

"Why?"

"God, you are so clueless, who finds a hooker at a cemetery, and who hires a nineteen year old harboring a lifelong crush?" I yelled loudly.

"Is that a rhetorical question?" he asked, totally oblivious.

"I don't even want to talk to you right now," I huffed.

"Fine, I'll talk to Jane."

"Fine, good thing I taught you how to color coordinate your dick to your eyes, Jackass."

"Maybe you should have focused on color coordinating my dick to lipstick," he yelled so loudly I wondered if any of my coworkers heard him over my phone.

"No need, everything goes with bubble gum chapstick," I said with a lowered voice.

He took a breath to retaliate but broke into laughter instead, "Do you have any idea how much I want you?"

"Get your ass to Seattle," I laughed, "This angry foreplay is becoming a habit."

"Um…yeah, I have a meeting on the eleventh I can't miss and then…."

I could hear him rusting some papers and I was so torn. I was thrilled he was filling his days with things other than brooding, but come on, brood a little.

"How about Halloween weekend, I can come for about four days," he offered.

"That far away? I'll come see you on the sixth," I said decisively.

"Are you feeling up to it?" he asked, trying to be sweet, but it felt like he was putting me off.

My door opened and Jessica stuck her head inside to make sure I was alone before walking in, most likely needing an even number of people in the room.

"I'll call you with details later, I have to run." I put my hand over the phone and mouthed, "Edward."

Jessica rolled her eyes and sat in a chair.

"Don't forget to pack the chapstick," he laughed and I could feel my face blush, "Goodbye." The line went dead and I stared at the phone for a second. He usually had to force himself to hang up and would say such heartfelt romantic things to me. He didn't even say he loved me.

"Earth to Bella," Jessica said snidely.

"Oh, yeah, what's up?"

"I met a guy," she gushed.

"Really, tell me all about him!"

"No, it will jinx it," she said with a frown.

"Jinx it, we're not twelve, you better strip him down and love him up, if you want to keep him," I laughed.

"His name is Paul and he is the gym teacher at my school," she smiled widely.

"I have an idea, Edward is coming in town for Halloween, I'll throw a party and you can bring him."

"Sounds great, except for the 'Edward will be there,' part."

"He's changing Jess," I looked at my phone, "He's changing a lot." I couldn't help but wonder if Jane, the non hooker, had anything to do with it.

I had no experience throwing parties and wasn't sure who all to invite. I wanted to keep it small, since my condo wasn't that large, but I wanted it to be lively and fun. There was only one person who could pull off the best party in town, Alice.

I called and left a message for her, saying I needed help planning something big. I knew it would get her attention and my phone rang only ten minutes later.

"Are you getting married?" she said before greeting me.

"No, quit asking me that, I want you to help me throw a Halloween party."

She squealed loudly and began jumping up and down. "Can I pick your costume?"

"No, I'm not coming as Stripper Barbie, I'll pick my own," I said forcefully.

"Well, do it right, don't come as something lame like a newscaster or a troubled youth."

"I planned on coming as Million Dollar Baby, and beat the shit out of you," I said making her laugh. "And you can't come as Wynonna Ryder."

"I love her," she said with a sigh.

"Yeah, you two would make great shopping buddies. Jess is coming and bringing a guy, so we have to make sure an even number of people come."

"Do you ever wonder what she would do if she had triplets, I mean would she like, give one away?"

"You are so evil," I laughed and then began truly wondering.

"What are you having Edward wear?" she asked.

"It has to be something with a tux; he is so hot in a tux."

"I guess they don't make asshole costumes," she mused.

"Sure they do, Jasper wears one all the time," I said in retaliation.

"Give me a budget," she said ignoring my comment.

"Make it fun, but not over the top. Go light on the liquor, heavy on the food," I suggested.

"Sophisticated or gory?"

"Alice," I said with little patience, "Just take care of it, okay?"

"Any kids coming?" she asked and it sent me back to disturbing thoughts of Jane.

"Maybe Lilly," I said and pretended I had to go. I sat and stared at the phone, wondering if I should have a little talk with baby Jane. I picked up the receiver and dialed Edward's home number.

"Edward Masen's home," a young voice answered.

"Hi, Jane, this is Bella," I said as pleasantly as possible. There was an awkward silence as if she was waiting for me to offer more. She finally spoke.

"Bella…who?

I chuckled angrily, "Edward's …" I didn't know what I was, girlfriend sounded too high school, fiancé wasn't correct, but not even two months ago he called me his wife.

"Are you selling something?" she asked me.

"No, Edward told me all about you, when you were a child. I'm coming for a visit and thought I would introduce myself. You were the cook's daughter, right?"

"I don't know who you are and I'm not sure I should be giving out personal information," she said angrily.

"Let me talk to Edward," I said, giving up on pleasantries.

"He's busy, leave a number and I will have him call you."

"Honey, put him on the phone right this moment," I demanded.

"I'm done with you," she said with her high voice and the line went dead.

I was sitting on the airplane stewing in anger over my encounter with Jane. Edward and I were playing phone tag, so I finally sent him an email giving him my flight information. I had a whole speech prepared for when I arrived and hoped he wouldn't put me on the first flight back home. It basically boiled down to the fact Jane needed to go, or at the very least be given a serious attitude adjustment.

I looked around the waiting area and there was no sign of Edward. I walked to the pick-up area and still nothing. I tried calling his cell, but it went to voicemail. I called his home and Jane said he was at work. I finally rented a car and headed to his house.

I was stunned to see the yellow Porsche in the driveway, in badly need of a wash. I didn't bother ringing the bell and headed to the back door and let myself in. The house was a bit messy, but not dirty like the last time I was here. The trash was overflowing with fast food bags and pop bottles were scattered around the counter.

I walked through the house to the office and could hear loud techno music. The smell of fingernail polish was overwhelming and I looked in the room to see a young lady with her feet on the desk, polishing her toes.

She jumped when she saw me and then quickly began trying to fix the mess on her toes cause by being startled. "He's not home yet," she said flatly.

"You can leave for the day," I said, wanting her out of the house for the tantrum I was going to throw when I saw Edward.

She laughed and rolled her eyes, "You're not my boss, and plus, I live here.

I stared in stunned silence as she continued to paint her toes and ignore me. I finally left and took my bag to Edward's room. His bed was littered with DVD cases and his television was still up. Two sets of pillows were against the back of the headboard and I felt my heart fall into my feet.

I changed into something more casual and looked in his mom's room, making sure it was still free from the Edward shrine. I gasped when I saw clothing all over the floor and the covers in a mess. Jane was obviously living in Elizabeth's room.

I didn't know what was going on with Edward; he seemed to be somebody totally different from the man I left a few short weeks ago.

I headed to the attic and found it exactly the same. I ran my fingers over the boxes marked 'Junior' and headed back downstairs. I heard the back door open so I ran down the stairs, hearing Edward calling out from the kitchen.

"Jane, I'm home, did you pick a movie?"

I came around the corner to see him flipping through some mail. He glanced up at me and did a double take. "Bella, oh my God, what are you doing here?" he said with a huge smile and came towards me with his arms extended.

"I thought we made plans for this weekend, am I wrong?" I asked hugging him lightly.

"I didn't know if we firmed it up," he said to my clenched jaw.

"We need to talk, Edward," I said trying to remain calm.

"Hey, E.J. you're home early. I picked a black and white, you'll be proud," Jane giggled and jumped onto the counter staring at Edward like he hung the moon.

"Edward can't play with you tonight Jane, he's going to be a grown up," I said way beyond angry.

"He didn't invite you here," she threw at me and I realized she was right. I turned to look at his stressed face.

"Would you like me to leave?"

"No," he said firmly. "Jane, we can watch a movie another night."

"She can watch with us," Jane relented and I chuckled at her audacity.

Edward looked at me as if I would agree, but quickly cleared his throat and said, "I want to spend time with Bella, alone."

She slid down from the counter and stuck her hand in her front pants pocket, pulling out something and tossing it to me, "You might need this," she said hatefully as I stared at the bubblegum chapstick in my hand.

Without looking up from my hand I mumbled, "Edward you have exactly three seconds to…"

"She heard me scream on the phone and asked me about it, that's all," he promised.

I let the small container fall to the ground and turned to face Edward. "Are you still coming for Halloween?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I think I can still manage the four days," he said, but I didn't believe him. I could tell by the way his eyes darted around and Jane remained quiet. I felt the burn of tears forming in my eyes and turned to walk away.

I was relieved the hear Edward follow me up the stairs and into his room. I threw the DVD cases onto the floor in one sweep of my hand. He walked to his large closet and began changing his clothes as I watched in pain.

When he finally looked up to see me crying his eyes widened in shock. "Bella, are you sad?"

"I've lost you, in a way I never thought possible, but I lost you all the same."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm glad you're here," he emphasized.

"You need someone to make you the center of their life. I couldn't do it, but Jane has. You will never leave here now," I said as I began to sob loudly.

He came to my side and took my hand in his, kissing my palm over and over, but never trying to refute what I said. I moved closer and pulled him to me. I held him, trying to memorize the feel of his body against mine, the smell of his skin, and the warmth of his hands.

"Bella, I thought I was making progress," he said, trying to convince himself.

"If I asked you to fire her, would you?

"Why, she's doing a great job?" he said in disbelief.

I pulled from his arms and climbed onto his bed before answering. "Do you even realize when I say fire her, I mean for her to move out of here, too?"

"She lived here for most of her childhood, it's her home, too," he tried to explain.

"Edward, she is no longer a child, she wants you. Can you imagine if the tables were turned and you came to my home to find a young man in love with me, living with me?"

"Bella," he said with a smirk, "I view her as a child.

"But she doesn't view you that way, and she is not a child, in case you haven't noticed."

"Edward," Jane screamed loudly for him downstairs. I followed him to the top of the stairs to see Jane jumping up and down at the bottom. "I won the tickets."

His face lit up and he laughed loudly, "I told you to stay with it, see, I was right."

"You have to come with me," she said, completely ignoring me standing right next to him.

He turned to look at me and asked, "When do you leave?"

"In an hour," I said as I walked away.

He was stumped and didn't quite know what to do. Jane was waiting for his response and a possible celebratory evening. I was angry and demanding he meet my needs or I was leaving. He looked back and forth between his door and Jane's face.

"Help me print the tickets and explain what I need to do, come on," she said holding her hand out for him.

He hesitated and finally headed down the stairs. I leaned against the wall behind his door and felt my hope drain from my body.

I packed my outfit I wore on the plane into the small bag and saw the picture I had from his mother's box. I went into the attic and found the correct box after going through many of them. I found his christening gown and cried knowing our baby would never wear it. I put the photo away and headed downstairs to say goodbye.

I listened to them speaking inside the office. She talked like an eight year old, and he treated her like a playmate. There was nothing suggestive about their interactions, but it was intimate on a level I never experienced with him. They finished each other's sentences and laughed often.

I got my bag and tiptoed out of the house. When I passed the Porsche, I noticed a gym bag with the name Jane Volturi. He had given her the car, she was completely his.

I was waiting to board the airplane when Edward called. "Hi," I said softly.

"What the hell, you just leave without saying anything," he yelled.

"I said plenty, it just didn't matter."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm ready to board; you just notice I was gone, what does that say?"

"It says you left without telling me."

I took a deep breath and glanced around at the other passengers, hoping nobody was listening to my conversation. I was tired and emotionally upset. I knew it wouldn't take much to push me into a fight.

"I know Jane can be a bit demanding, that's just the way she is," he tried to explain again.

"I don't want to do this," I begged him.

"Do what, talk to me?"

"No, I don't want to get into a pissing contest with you. I don't want you baiting me."

He was silent for a moment and I could tell he was trying to contain his own anger. His knuckles popped into my mind and I pushed the vision away.

"I don't have a clue what you want from me, first I'm too clingy and then I am too dismissive, I just can't seem to please you," he said in anger.

"You are a child Edward; you want attention and believe it is love."

"And is that so wrong? I don't see anything unhealthy about wanting someone to be there for you, to physically be there, all the time. Maybe you are just too damaged from Phil to recognize a healthy relationship."

Bullseye, he found his mark and hit it dead center. I couldn't keep doing this; I couldn't try to make him see his problems, when he was so quick to replace me with someone willing to let him be the center of the universe.

"Get help, grow up, stop being such a pussy all the time, and then call me," I said way too loudly for an airport waiting area. I hung up and turned my phone off.

As the flight wore on, I became weaker, and weaker. I could barely walk when I got to Seattle and there was no way I could drive home. I took a cab and collapsed in bed right when I got home. My phone rang several times, but I couldn't find the strength to answer it. I let it ring in the far away recesses of my mind.

I had to crawl on my hands and knees to make it to the bathroom. The bowl quickly filled with blood and I knew I needed help. I crawled back to my phone and right as I touched it, a loud ring startled me. I answered as I placed my face onto the cold kitchen tiles.

"Help," I whispered.

"Bella, it's Jake."

"Jake, I need help, call an ambulance."

"Hang on, Leah talk to her, keep her talking."

I heard Leah, sounding hesitant as she tried to talk to me with Jake making a call in the background. "Are you hurt?" she asked me.

"No, I'm sick, call my folks," I begged.

"Sure, what's wrong with you?"

I could feel the room begin to spin and I tried to breathe deeply, but it only made my stomach empty onto the kitchen floor. I lay in my own vomit waiting for an ambulance. I was done; I lost Edward and had nothing left to fight for. I gave in, and let the darkness pull me under.

8

I was getting so frustrated with my illness. I felt on the verge of death and after IV fluids and blood transfusions I felt like my old self again. Nobody had any answers. I couldn't think of anything I had done, or ate, or drank, that others didn't do, too.

Edward called the hospital and spoke with my mother. She assured him I was fine and would be going home soon. He asked to speak with me, but she told him I was asleep. I needed to begin the painful process of separating myself from him.

I groaned when Jake and Leah walked into my room. I hated the fact they were my savior. I glanced at Jake and looked away.

"Bella, we wanted you to be the first to know we're getting married," Leah informed me.

"You make a perfect couple," I added snidely.

"Bella, we were never going to work…" Jake began as if I was going to be devastated by the news he was taken.

"I wish you would have thought that as you hid the letters from Edward, or deleted the emails, or even when you took messages off my machine."

"I know you can't understand, but I was Edward's friend. I heard the stuff he was saying, and it wasn't…normal," he said with sad eyes.

"That was not your call to make," I said hatefully.

"No, it wasn't, but I was proud of you Bella. You were making tremendous strides in your life and he wanted to box you up as if you were a party gift. I couldn't watch him do that to you."

"You could have talked to me about it," I pointed out.

"Look at you;" he said sadly, "This would have happened years ago if I would have let it. He has sucked the life out of you and it is making you physically ill."

I turned my head and whispered, "Just go."

They left my room and I began to wonder if my illness was psychosomatic, caused by my issues with Edward. I had been fine until I went to see him again. I didn't have long to think since Esme and Lilly walked in.

"Aunt Bella, I hope you get better," Lilly said, looking so much like Angela it made my heart ache for her.

"I feel much better," I assured her and glanced at Esme.

"Lilly get some change from my purse and go to the machine down the hall and get Bella a Sprite," Esme said.

"Just tell me to leave, don't make up errands," Lilly complained as she left the room.

Esme took my hand and I began to cry. "I lost him, to a childhood friend."

"Jane?" she asked and I nodded.

"It is not sexual, is it?" she asked.

"Not yet."

"He called about a therapist yesterday. Carlisle gave him a couple of names," she said to give me hope, but it wasn't enough.

"I almost gave up everything for him; I can't let that happen again."

I could hear Emmett's loud voice coming down the hall and we both laughed. The door swung open and Lilly led Emmett, Jasper, Rose and Alice, into my room.

"You will do anything for attention," Rose said.

"Where's Houston?" I asked wishing I could hold him.

"I'm not infecting him with your STD's," she said rolling her eyes.

"I didn't want to sleep with him, I wanted to hold him, bitch."

"We were out partying and decided to stop by" Jasper announced.

"To rub it in?" I asked.

"No, to let you celebrate with us," he said calmly.

I noticed how Alice kept her head down and refused to look at me.

"Oh my God, you're pregnant," I screamed and she began jumping up and down screaming with me.

"You finally let Emmet knock her up?" I teased Jasper.

"Yeah, I caught a glimpse of his dick and I'm the bigger man," Jasper laughed and Emmett looked at us in confusion.

"As if," Emmett muttered.

"I'm really happy for you both," I said to Jasper and Alice.

"I have Halloween plans to share with you, are you still planning the party?" She asked as she looked at the IV in my arm.

"Absolutely, and Rose, I'm going to need a date," I said as my mouth went dry.

I was released with more confusions and more tests to schedule and went right back to living my life. Rose worked fast. I had three dates in one week. The first one took me to a fancy restaurant and talked about himself the entire time. I became so irritated I started making up things to see if he heard anything I said.

"Yeah, I'm just got divorced and I have three kids, only two with my wife and one with a girl I met on the road," he was saying at nauseam.

"I have two kids, one I gave to a whore and one I gave to a teenager to raise," I giggled at my own reference to Jake and Edward.

"I don't mind living in a different state, the kids are all girls," he said as if they wouldn't need a father due to their gender.

"I'm sure they will have great stepfathers who will sneak into their rooms naked at night," I said in disgust, and still no reaction from the oaf.

"Because of my size I can drink a lot of alcohol, so I am really fun to party with," he continued to work his assumed charm.

"I usually shoot heroin and because of my size it only takes a little, so I pass out early," I said as he looked around the room to see if he was recognized. I was going to murder Rosalie.

The next date showed up with so many gold chains around his neck he looked like a seventies sugar daddy. I didn't know how he stood upright due to the weight of the chains.

"You like gold?" I asked during dinner at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

"I sell chains on Television, I'm sure you've seen me," he said as if I was completely clueless.

"Sorry, I don't watch much Television," I admitted.

"You should wear sixteen inch length with your height and frame. I would go for a chain on the thin side so it doesn't overpower your smaller breasts," he said with food in his mouth and pointed at my chest with a fork.

I slowly looked down at my chest, which Edward had called perfect, and looked back up at the rude man across from me. "I guess you're not used to real breasts," I said right to his face.

"You should consider going bigger, and maybe wear a lower cut blouse, you know, show a guy a peak at what's to come," he said with a wink.

"Excuse me," I said and walked out of the all-you-can-eat buffet and hailed a cab.

The final date showed up half an hour late and when I opened the door he said, "Sorry Sweetheart, but I only go out with girls who wear dresses and stilettos, can you change?"

"No hablo Ingles," I said and slammed the door in his face.

I drove to Esme's house that night and when Lilly answered the door I announced, "You are my date for the Halloween party."

She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house. "I was going as Little Bo Peep, but I can change," she offered.

"No, that would be perfect. I'll go as another Nursery Rhyme person," I said and instantly began thinking of one.

"Mother Goose," Lilly said with excitement.

"I was thinking of 'Mary had a little lamb,' but go ahead and kick me while I'm down," I laughed.

"At least I didn't say, 'There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,'" she offered as a peace offering.

I glared at her with narrowed eyes and said in jest, "Do you have three sixes on your scalp?"

"What's that?" she asked.

"Nothing," Carlisle answered and glared at me with narrowed eyes.

"Saved by your daddy," I laughed and swatted her behind. "Is Esme around?"

"You look good, Bella. Esme's down the hall."

I walked into her office to find her knitting and began to laugh, "You have a PhD and knit? You're setting the women's movement back centuries."

"This is harder than grad school," she said in frustration.

I sat across from her and announced, "Evidently I have small breasts and need to consider getting them enlarged."

She looked up with just her eyes and smiled, "I would kill for your breasts."

"Ah, that is why you had to go for the intellectual type; no football player in his right mind would want you."

"Thank God for small miracles," she laughed.

"How Freudian of you," I smiled and we sat quietly for a moment. That damn Esme, and her ability to make me spill my guts. "Have you heard from Edward? I finally asked.

"He called Carlisle to check on how you are feeling," she admitted.

I raised my finger, telling her to hold on and looked across the hallway to see Carlisle's door shut. I knew with certainty he was talking to Edward and telling him I looked healthy. I sat back down and let my head fall to my knees with my arms draping to the ground.

"Did you really have hope of liking anyone Rosalie would set you up with?" She asked.

"No. Yes. Do you have a magic pill to erase Edward from my mind," I begged.

"Why would you want that?" she asked, digging deeper into my psyche when I just wanted her to comfort me.

"Because it hurts so much," I answered honestly.

"What is your heart telling you?" she pressed.

"Not to listen to my head," I sighed. "Esme, am I just jealous he found someone else to fill his life with?"

"I'm sure on some level you are, but Bella, Jane is so young. He will either ruin her or drive her away."

"He's not strong enough to make it through either," I told her honestly. "He is so fragile; the sound of the waves from the island haunts him. He also thinks his father died of a broken heart."

"His father had a heart attack, after having a huge fight with Edward in his office," she told me and my mouth fell open. "Carlisle looked into it," she admitted.

I felt the tears slide down my cheeks and said, "He doesn't deserve this, his mother did this to him and he doesn't deserve it."

"Can you love him broken?" she asked me.

I nodded my head up and down, since the word yes refused to come out of my mouth.

She set her knitting down and looked at me. "Give it until Christmas, and see if he actually goes to counseling and makes an effort to change."

"What if he loves Jane by then?" I could hear the shaking in my own voice.

"Edward loves so completely I doubt he will ever love Jane. You occupy his heart and there isn't room for anyone else," she said to comfort me.

"I married Jake, when Edward occupied my heart," I pointed out.

"And look how well that turned out," she laughed.

I took a deep breath and smiled at her. "Thanks, oh yeah, Lilly is my date for the Halloween party."

"Have you seen the outfits for her age, they are salacious. I had to talk her into Little Bo Peep just so she didn't go trick-or-treating practically naked."

"Yeah, I would wear them, if I had bigger breasts," I laughed.

I stood and came around her desk to hug her tightly. "I'll see you at the party Saturday."

Alice was a genius when it came to party planning. My condo looked like the lair from Phantom of the Opera and I was terrified to get the bill. I was dressed in my Mary costume when she showed up and threw an absolute fit.

"You are not wearing that, have your little girl complex on your own time. I went to too much trouble to have the hostess ruin it by looking like half-pint from Little House on the Prairie."

"I don't have another costume," I informed her.

"I've got your costume, you have to be Christine to match the theme," she insisted.

I shook my head at her and sighed, "And when were you going to tell me? I don't have a date to be the Phantom, Lilly is my date."

"Lilly is not your date, she is a guest. And you can be Christine alone, since the Phantom came in her sleep."

I actually felt it was a good fit, since I spent every sleeping moment dreaming of Edward.

I took the costume bag from her hands and was then informed she was fixing my hair, too. I didn't understand where all her energy came from. She was too tiny to be so big. Her exuberance was all consuming.

"What's your costume?" I asked and she shook her head. "You'll see when the party starts."

I knew it would be something big. Alice would never stand for not having the most innovative costume in the room. I got dressed and let her work her magic on my hair and makeup. I walked to the full length mirror she placed in the lair and gasped at the sight. I was truly transformed into Christine.

"You are a freaking genius," I said and watched her gush with pride. There was a knock on the door and I answered to find Jasper standing in a white lab coat and carrying a turkey baster. "Are you a chef? I asked.

"Nope, I can't say until Allie gives me the green light."

I turned to find her locked in my room getting dressed.

Jasper set up a bar along my counter and poured me a drink for my nerves. Soon the wait staff began arriving and I really worried about the cost. Jasper assured me they were students who came very cheap. Each was dressed in period clothing of the mid nineteenth century to blend with the Phantom theme, I somehow doubted cheap was the word I would be thinking when I saw the price.

I tried to relax but when the bell rang again I felt my heart beating fast. I was relieved to see Rose and Emmett. He was dressed in his team uniform, and Rose was dressed as a cheerleader, well a seductive cheerleader. Something told me they wore this clothing often.

"You look hot," Emmett said to me, making me blush, and secretly offer my devotion to Alice. Before I could close the door my parents arrived. I laughed at my father's Wyatt Earp costume and my mother's saloon girl can-can dress.

"I'm here to keep the peace," my dad said to make me laugh and to show what a dork he was.

People from work began to filter in and Alice finally came from the bedroom. She had long black hair and fake thick lips. She was holding four baby dolls in her hands and had four more pinned to her outfit. Jasper stood next to her, holding up the turkey baster.

"Octomom," Rosalie yelled.

I actually fell into a chair from laughter. I couldn't contain myself when Jasper actually filled the baster with seltzer water and squirted it into her mouth. The party began to really start hopping and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Carlisle and Esme showed up after taking Lilly door to door. She had a huge sack of candy and Esme kept asking her to share with the other guest to lighten the load a bit. Carlisle was dressed as a Priest and Esme a nun. I was able to look past the costumes as they danced to a slow song, and rocked in each other's arms.

I was smiling softly when I heard Jake's voice. I turned in shock to see him enter with Leah. I glared at Alice and she shrugged in confusion telling me she did not invite them. Jake was dressed in full Indian dress and Leah was dressed to match. I walked up to him and said rudely, "Not very original."

"I'm not going to fight with you," Jake said.

"I didn't invite you," I said as I crossed my arms, making my less than impressive breasts strain against my low cut bodice. I quickly uncrossed my arms.

"Bella, I invited them," my father said.

"This is my home, dad."

"We've known Jake since birth and this nonsense needs to end. Be happy for him, Bella," he said like a father.

I walked away but didn't refuse to let him stay; I figured it was all I was capable of at this time. I looked around the crowd for Seth and asked him to please keep his sister in line.

"So which guy did you like?" Rosalie asked me.

"You are so lucky I don't slit your throat," I said in anger. "All three were nightmares. You got the only good football player so either give him up, or stop sending players to me."

"You didn't click with any of them?" she asked in shock.

"The first one is apparently deaf, the second one tried to sell me a gold chain after insulting my boobs and the third was so offensive I slammed the door in his face," I said in anger.

"Wow," she said softly. "I had no idea."

Lilly came running up asking about Houston, so I began making my rounds through the guests to see if they were having a good time. The party was going great until Alice called for everyone's attention. I looked over to see her holding my guitar.

"It is time for Christine to share a song, Bella," she called out, holding up the guitar.

I groaned as everyone began to clap in encouragement. I took the guitar and at on a tall bar stool playing various chords to warm up. I finally closed my eyes and began singing, Fragile, of course so much slower than the original song is played.

I kept my eyes closed and I was singing about Edward. I pictured him alone on the island, wanting the waves to stop crashing. My voice rose like the waves and then crashed silently into the strumming of the guitar.

When I finally opened my eyes everyone was staring at me. My mother wiped the tears from her face as my father pulled her to his chest.

"I thought you were having a party not a therapy session," Jessica said, standing with her new guy in the doorway.

"I was confessing to my Priest," I laughed and pointed to Carlisle. "You must be Paul."

I walked over to shake his hand and Jess made official introductions. "You are very talented," he said with a smile.

"Thanks, it was a set up," I laughed, "I don't usually perform at my own parties."

I was trying to shake the awful depression filling me from the song, so I stepped onto the terrace to get some fresh air. The door was open to cool down the heat of so many people in one space. I held onto the railing with one hand and stared at the beautiful city lights.

I placed my other hand over my breaking heart and closed my eyes. I could imagine Edward's fingers running softly down my arm and the image changed to his hands on Jane. I felt the tears fall freely and gloved hands reached out to steady me.

"I'm just a little melancholy," I said to stop whoever was comforting me from worrying. I had no intentions of jumping from the balcony.

I was stunned when the arms of the stranger tightened around me and someone spoke into my ear, "No crying, I won't allow it."

I felt my knees go weak and sobs broke from my chest as Edward held me tightly in his arms. I refused to open my eyes. I wanted this dream to last forever. He kissed my neck and I let my head fall to the side granting him further access.

"So beautiful," he murmured against my skin.

"I love you," I breathed to my phantom lover.

"You are mine," he whispered.

"Aunt Bella," Lilly called out, breaking my spell. I looked down at her gloved hand on my arm and burst into tears.

Lilly's eyes widened and she looked terrified before running off to find one of her parents. Carlisle came onto the balcony to find me gasping for air. He pulled me over to a chair and knelt in front of me. "Bella, look at me, you're having a panic attack, breath slowly." He began breathing with me to set the pace and I followed along with him.

The numbness running through me began to subside and I tried to pull it together. Carlisle finally stood and sat in the chair next to me.

"This whole thing is so stupid, playing Christine like Edward would show up and be my phantom," I said angrily.

"Honey, it will get better," he assured me. I looked into his eyes and asked something I was dying to know at that moment.

"Do you still want your father's approval?"

His eyes flickered for just a split second. It was brief, but I saw it. There was still the boy inside of him longing for his father, even after all the schooling he had and all the kids he helped, it was still there.

"The goal is not to get rid of the feelings, but learn to deal with them," he said sadly.

"So Edward and I will never be well, we'll just learn to deal with it?"

"Being well Is relative, I think functioning would be a better term," he said.

I stared into the expanse of the city below and decided it was too hard to live without Edward. I needed him, just the way he was if it was all he could give me. If I needed to give up everything in my life for him, I would.

"I fought Phil for so many years to keep him away from me, now I have to fight to keep Edward with me. I know you don't think I should give in, but I don't want to live this way, it hurts too much," I said adamantly.

"What about your health?" Carlisle asked.

"Do you think it is psychosomatic?" I asked hoping he would be honest.

He laughed and reached out for my hand. "Psychosomatic illnesses don't make you have tremendous blood loss."

"Well, nothing medical science can figure out does, for me at least. Maybe it is Edward's mother trying to drive me away," I laughed.

He held out his hand, "Let's join the party."

I returned to the room and found Alice juggling three babies in the air as everyone cheered her on. It was funny and very disturbing at the same time.

I snuck off into my bedroom and locked the door. I dialed Edward's number and heard loud noise coming from his end of the phone. "Sounds like a party," I said softly.

"What?" he yelled and I could hear the noise fade as if he was walking away.

"I don't mean to interrupt," I said louder.

"I welcome the interruption," he said with frustration. "It's like a frat house here."

"It's your home, kick them out," I said angrily.

"I'm supposed to be social, therapist's orders."

"What's your costume, a toga?" I teased.

"No, worse, the Phantom."

I closed my eyes in pain. "Who's Christine?"

"She's with Raoul," he whispered.

"No, she's waiting for you to come lure her away, she's waiting as her heart is breaking," I said in tears.

I heard a soft knock on my door and I sighed angrily. "Can you hold on a second?"

"Sure," he said with a soft breath.

I walked to the door and opened it as I wiped away my tears. I gasped at the site of a phantom standing in front of me.

"I need my Christine," Edward said to my stunned face.

"Are you real?" I asked in barely a whisper, unable to believe he was truly standing there.

I watched as his own tears began to fall and he bit his lip before nodding profusely, unable to speak.

9

I lunged into Edward's arms making absolutely sure he was real. He backed me into the room and put his hand into my hair, to pull me back for a kiss that brought me alive. I held onto his face, feeling his warm skin on one side and the plastic mask on the other.

His hand ran down my back, pressing into the thick gown to feel every curve of my body. I began to laugh and couldn't stop. I was giddy with happiness. He came, he actually came.

He pulled back and looked at me disapprovingly. "That wasn't the reaction I was going for," he admitted.

"I'm so happy, I can't help it," I laughed.

His face pulled into a smile and he laughed with me. "Alice and Rose are responsible for this," he said to rat them out.

"Are you kidding me," I yelled in anger. "They are dead."

"You didn't want me to come?" he pretended to be sad.

I pulled him closer and smiled, "You brought my every wish, and in a tux no less."

"I promised Lilly I would come right back, your call surprised me."

My hands we numb when something dawned on me. I suddenly remembered Jake was at the party, surely Edward hadn't seen him. I was trying to think of what to do when Edward noticed my nerves. "What's wrong?"

"How long have you been here?" I asked.

"I walked in just as you headed down your hallway, why?"

"So Lilly is the only one you've spoken with?"

He nodded and looked concerned. I took his hands in mine and held them tightly. "Um…Jake's here," I said softly.

I watched Edward's face change as his jaw set in anger. "Edward, please, remain calm," I begged. He pulled easily from my hands and stormed from the room. I ran after him, pulling frantically on his arm.

"Edward, don't, I'm begging you." The room grew quiet when they heard my yelling and saw Edward's face.

Emmett and my dad stepped up to face Edward as he screamed Jake's name.

"I'm not letting this happen," my dad said calmly.

Jake pushed Leah back as she tried to block him from moving forward. "You have something to say to me, Masen?"

The crowd naturally parted, leaving the center of the room empty between the two angry men.

"I'm going to rip your fucking head off," Edward yelled as Emmett held him back. "You touched her, she was mine and you touched her."

"She wasn't yours," Jake screamed, "She isn't a pet you get to own." Charlie was using all of his weight to move Jacob back. "If you wanted her you should have shown up, instead of running off to hide like a coward."

"You blocked every attempt from me, you lied to her and tricked her; you're the coward. She never loved you, she never wanted you," Edward said with rage and I noticed how much effort it took for huge Emmett to hold him back.

Jake softened and I watched as his body gave in and stopped fighting. "You're right about that, she never loved me and she never wanted me. I tried to save her from you, but she didn't want to save herself. You're killing her, slowly, and there is nothing I can do about it."

"I would never hurt her," Edward said through clenched teeth.

Jake laughed and shook his head, "You hurt her with every word, every action, hurting her is the only thing that brings you joy."

He reached out for Leah's hand and they walked out the door. Edward turned to look at me as Emmett backed away. I put my arms around his waist and hid my face in his chest. I could hear Lilly softly crying and felt awful for putting a child through the whole episode.

"Go comfort Lilly," I whispered to him and he looked around the room in remorse.

Alice ran up to me, "I didn't know Jake would be here when I arranged for Edward to come."

"I know," I told her.

Rose came over to me and hugged me, talking into my ear, "I picked the three worse guys I could."

"You bitch," I whispered back and she chuckled lightly.

"I'm sorry to ruin your party, Alice," I said sadly.

"Hey, it's your party, not mine," she laughed.

"We're going to head out, Bella," my dad said holding my mom's hand.

I hugged them both and walked them to the door. Everyone began slowly filtering out of the room leaving only Alice and Jasper, Rose and Emmett, Carlisle and Esme, and little Lilly. We all sat around the room feeling like time had stood still and we were students at the school, wanting our counselors to fix us.

"Nobody clears a room like Edward," Alice teased.

He shook his head in shame and Lilly handed him a candy bar from her bag to comfort him.

"Thanks, Lilly, you're my favorite girl," he smiled, but rubbed my back letting me know I was really his favorite girl.

"I hate to do this to you at a party, but can you help me and Edward work through something?" I asked Carlisle.

"Certainly," he said, leaning forward on the couch.

I turned to look at Edward as I sat on his lap and asked, "Where's Jane?"

He gave me a really odd look at said, "At home."

"At whose home?" I pressed.

He went to open his mouth and quickly stopped, realizing it was a trick question. He looked at Carlisle and asked, "Is it wrong to let her live with me?"

"You have a woman living with you?" Carlisle asked.

"No, Jane, she's a child."

I spoke up quickly, "She's nineteen and she is infatuated with Edward."

"I'm nine years older than she is," he said as if that mattered.

Carlisle chuckled and rubbed his face with his hands.

"I'd cut your dick off," Rose said to Edward as she shook her head.

"If you recall, I was innocent in the whole Tanya fiasco," Edward threw at her.

Rosalie's eyes showed her absolute rage at Edward for bringing up the subject. "Look around you asshole, maybe you should have slept with her, we still have our guys."

"This doesn't help," Carlisle said quickly. "Edward, I think you view Jane as a little sister, but if she sees more, you need to move her out as soon as possible."

"I don't think she sees us as anything more," he said to defend her.

I shook my head and said, "She blocks my every attempt to interact with you."

"Hum, that sounds familiar," Alice giggled, "I remember hearing that somewhere tonight?"

"You can't compare Jane to Jake," Edward said angrily.

"Edward," Esme said as she ran her fingers through Lilly's hair, as she lay on her mother's lap. "You need to listen to what Bella is saying. Jane makes her feel cut off, how can you change that?"

"Can I tell you later?" he asked and looked very uncomfortable.

"I want to talk about this with them here," I pressed.

He tensed and tried to say something but just stuttered and then said, "Bella, I need to talk to you alone first."

"Are you ending it with me?" I asked in a whisper.

"No, but ….I'm begging you, later, okay?"

I looked at Esme with a stunned expression and she looked at Carlisle. "Well, Edward deserves his privacy. It's late; let's plan on meeting tomorrow night."

"I want to watch," Alice whined.

"We are not your entertainment," Edward said hatefully.

"You kind of are," Jasper laughed.

"We have to relieve a sitter," Emmett said pulling Rose to stand. He shook Edward's hand and Rose added, "Come see our baby, and you better bring a gift."

Lilly yawned and then hugged Edward, "I'm so glad you're home," she said.

"Thank you Lilly, you seem to be the only one," he laughed.

Everyone left and I pulled Edward to me, "I am very glad you are here, I missed you terribly."

He kissed me gently a couple of times and then said, "Bella, do you know how much I love you?"

"I think so, if it is anything like I love you, it is so much it hurts."

"Say it the way you did before," he pleaded.

"I love you with all that I am."

He kissed me deeply this time, making my knees weak and unstoppable moans escape from my mouth. He moved me against a wall so he could keep me contained as his hands began to wander. I was being consumed by him, melting into his being, fusing my soul with his, never to be separated again. It would kill me to lose him.

He finally put his hands against the wall to push back and try to calm his breathing. He chuckled and shut his eyes tightly before opening them to look at me.

"Is something wrong?" I asked feeling cold shoot through me.

He walked a couple of steps from me and looked back, "Bella, this may be all I ever become, this right here, a character playing a part. I'm not the sophisticated man who can promise you happiness. I am so messed up and so terrified. I drink too much, I feel worthless most of the time, and I have no idea how to make myself worthy of your love. But I would rather be dead then exist without you. I need you more than I can ever express."

He knelt on one knee and my heart almost exploded in my chest. "Will you marry me?" he asked holding out a ring.

I had to lean into the wall to remain standing. My mind became overrun by all the reasons I shouldn't marry him, but I would rather be dead then exist without him, too. I looked at his beautiful face, dressed in a tux, asking me, broken, tainted, divorced Bella, to be his.

I nodded and cried, "Yes."

He let his head drop in relief and blew out the air he was holding, before standing and pulling me into his arms. I understood why he didn't want to answer Esme's question, he wanted me to be surprised and I loved him even more for it.

I felt him pulling the ties on the back of my dress and I suddenly pulled back and away from him. I saw his face sadden and I held up my finger, "I have to remove something," I laughed.

"Are you menstruating?" he asked and I smiled and shook my head, and then it dawned on me I hadn't had a period since July. I knew I couldn't be pregnant, but it worried me about the possibility of pregnancy down the road.

"I have something on and I don' want you to see," I admitted.

"Well, now you have to let me see, the curiosity will kill me," he laughed.

"Believe me, it will take away all the appeal," I said backing down the hallway.

"Bella," he said sternly as he followed, "You have to show me."

"If you have any hope of seeing me naked you better stop right now," I threatened.

"I want to remove your dress," he said sadly.

"You can, I'll be right back."

"So, it is something under the dress," he said to himself.

I opened my bedroom door and he lunged at me, picking my up off the ground and tossing me onto the bed to lift my skirt over his head. I screamed and tried to push the fabric down to cover the spanks I was wearing.

"What's the big deal, you have on long underwear," he said as he pulled his head back to look at me.

"I'm not having sex with you now," I pouted and tried to pull away from him.

He quickly lay on top of me and smiled at the cleavage the bodice produced. "You have the best breasts in the world," he said and kissed my flesh.

"I love you, Edward Masen," I yelled to the ceiling, hoping every man who was less than impressed with my chest could somehow hear him.

"Can I undress you?" he asked with a smile.

"I have on a girdle," I finally admitted and felt my face redden.

"What's that?" he asked in confusion.

"It sucks in my thighs and tightens my ass."

"Really?" he smiled widely, "Turn over."

"Just unlace my dress before I decide not to marry you," I said in anger.

He shook his head back and forth as he continued to smile, "I want to see the girdle."

"No, it's humiliating."

"Is it like some space age vacuum thing?" he asked.

"You are such an idiot. It is the long underwear you saw."

He pulled onto his knees and tried to lift my dress again, but I held it firmly down. "Why would that be humiliating?" he asked.

"It ruins the illusion that I have a good body," I said looking away from him.

"Bella, you have a perfect body, I've told you that many times. If you are wearing a girdle it is a girl thing, because no man in his right mind thinks you need it."

I rolled my eyes at him, "Like you're in your right mind."

He laughed loudly and said, "Sit up, I'll unlace your dress and let you take off the girdle alone."

"You are the best man in the world," I said, speaking right from the heart.

He began kissing my back as the dress began to fall from my body. I quickly pulled the fabric up and tugged the spanks from my legs, tossing them against the wall, and then lying back into Edward's arms.

He reached into his pants pocket and brought out the ring to place on my finger. I had not even realized we had missed that part. I tried to see how it looked but my tears kept it blurred from my view.

"I love you," I said and began removing his tux. "With all that I am."

For every man who thinks getting engaged will change sex for the worse, I want to tell them it is the biggest of all lies. Edward was laying spread eagle with his head hanging off the side of the bed, as I huddled in a ball between his legs trying to catch my breath. My legs were like jelly and my hair was stuck to my sweaty face.

"What in the hell was that?" Edward laughed.

"I think my body lived through one of your rage attacks," I said in breathy words.

"Not rage, it was….mind blowing sex."

"I wish I had a candy bar to give you," I laughed.

"I couldn't move to even take it," he said lifting his hand and then letting it drop.

"Where are my sheets?" I asked lifting my head.

"I think they're under the bed," he laughed.

"Feel like a shower?" I asked.

"I can't stand, make it a bath."

I pulled myself from the mattress and headed to the bathroom. "Bella," he called out, "Your ass is tight enough."

I turned to look at him and smiled, "See, that is why I agreed to marry you."

"Get your ass out of trouble dot com," he yelled as I walked away, making me laugh in remembrance.

I slept soundly in his arms, but when I woke up to an empty bed I worried the whole night was a dream. I pulled up my hand to see the beautiful diamond ring. I got out of bed and grabbed my robe. I walked into the front room to find Edward cleaning up.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked.

"You cleaned up my house, I'm returning the favor," he smiled and walked over to kiss me gently.

I was smiling like crazy and went into the clean kitchen to make him breakfast. "I can't believe you're here," I called over to him.

"Your place is really nice, are you sure you want to live in Chicago?"

"I go wherever you want me," I said as I broke the eggs.

He came over to the counter and had a look of consternation on his face. "You know, I think you should consider keeping this condo as a rental. It would give you more equity and something that is all yours."

I looked at him in shock and couldn't believe he would allow me to keep the condo without accusing me of planning to leave him. I decided to push my luck and see just how flexible he was willing to be. "What about going to work in Chicago, is that something I could consider?"

"Sure, Jane can handle stuff at home," he said with a laugh and I flipped him off.

"So….a wedding…like….when?"

"Is today not doable?" he asked, pretending to be joking, but I knew him too well.

"I would love to get married at the Cullens, something small and intimate."

"I have my tux, sure today is off," he said raising his eyebrows.

"You have to go meet Houston, and buy a gift first, of course."

Edward's phone rang and he glanced at it before putting it back in his pocket. I watched as he got a guilty look on his face and knew immediately who it was. "You might want to give her a heads up to start packing."

He swallowed and nodded.

"Edward?"

"Yeah, I'll do it in person."

I began to start banging the bowls around in anger so Edward came over to take my hands into his. "Bella, we will talk to her together. I'm not trying to trick you."

I nodded and began to calm down. As we sat at the table eating I brought up the last big stumbling block. "Did you know Alice is pregnant?" I asked him.

"Really, I bet that baby never sleeps," he chuckled.

"When do you think we'll be ready for a baby?" I asked nervously without looking at him.

He was quiet and I finally raised my eyes. He was looking away but I could see how tightly his fist was holding onto his fork.

"You are so good with Lilly, I just don't understand why you don't want to be a father," I said sadly.

"I would think you would understand, some men aren't meant for fatherhood," he said with a tight jaw.

"Don't compare your father to Phil," I said angrily.

"I don't want to fight with you," he said, so I tried to eat in silence.

We dressed and headed to the mall to search for a proper gift for Houston. We entered a baby boutique and I gushed over every little thing as Edward acted like touching things would poison him. I looked at the tiny things and found the cutest outfit with a football on the front to go along with a tiny stuffed football.

"Do you like this?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said without looking at it.

"Tell you what; I'm going to Victoria's Secret. You pick a gift and I'll show you what I purchase later." I stormed off and didn't look behind me to see if Edward followed or not.

I took my time in the store and bought something special I knew Edward would love. I also found some perfume I loved and added that to the purchase. When I walked from the store Edward was waiting with a bag in his hand.

"What did you get?" I asked looking in the bag to see a wrapped gift.

"Let me look in your bag," he asked with a smile.

"No way, I'll show you later."

"Can I guess?" he asked.

"No, you have to wait."

We drove to Rose and Emmett's house and I could tell Edward was impressed. A housekeeper answered and showed us into the nursery. Rose looked up from the crib and Edward raised the bag. "I brought a gift."

Rose grabbed the bag and I moved to the crib to see Houston. "He is so cute," I said and looked at Edward.

"He must have his father's looks, because his mother still has hers," Edward laughed.

"Stop sucking up, I'm still mad at you," Rose said.

"What did I do?" he asked offended.

"You hurt Bella, and you made her sick."

"Hey," I interrupted, "He did not make me sick."

Edward looked at me for a moment and then whispered, "You're okay, aren't you?"

"Why, you want to take back your proposal?"

"What?" Rosalie screamed and grabbed my hand. "Oh Edward, you done good," she laughed and then hugged me tightly.

"Open the gift," I pushed dying to know what it was.

She pulled the wrapped package from the bag and ripped off the paper. She looked at something in a box and then looked at Edward. "It means more coming from you, thank you," she said and pulled him into her arms.

"Let me see," I finally yelled out.

She handed me a box with a silver frame engraved with 'Daddy, Mommy and Me, We're a family of three."

I looked at Edward feeling my heart beating wildly. "You made a much better choice," I said with wet eyes.

"Emmett will be a great dad," he said insinuating he wouldn't.

We went to the Cullens next and Lilly grabbed Edward's hand the moment we entered the house. We all chatted for a moment then Edward whispered to Lilly. She looked at my hand and smiled largely. "Ask her," he pushed.

"Can I be a bridesmaid?" Lilly asked causing Esme to gasp and look at my hand. I held up my ring for everyone to see.

"Of course you can, Lilly," I laughed.

I noticed how Carlisle and Esme looked at each other and I felt the need to defend Edward. "I'm keeping my condo, Edward's suggestion, and I'm getting a job in Chicago. We plan to sit down together to ask Jane to move. He bought a great gift for Houston. The only issue we disagree on is children."

"That is a pretty big issue," Carlisle pointed out.

"I'm not sure I can even have babies," I admitted. "I'm not menstruating anymore."

Edward looked stunned and his mouth fell open. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I only realized it, I've been sick so it may just be something that will work itself out," I shrugged.

"I think you should see a doctor," Edward said.

"I have seen doctors, I have seen tons of doctors, they don't know jack."

Edward's jaw tightened and I could tell he was upset. I didn't worry about getting sick again. The stress in our relationship was totally gone and I felt secure in his love. If my symptoms were psychosomatic they would surely end now.

We stopped by Alice and Jaz's house to let Edward congratulate them on the upcoming birth and tell them about our engagement. Alice made me promise to let her help me find a dress and I assured her I wouldn't make a choice without her.

We got home that evening and as soon I we walked in the door Edward said, "Okay, show me now."

"Show you what?"

He gave me a reproachful look and said, "The purchase."

"Oh yeah, do you want to see it in the bag or on me?" I asked to tease him.

"On you, of course," he said rolling his eyes.

I headed to the bedroom and asked him to wait until I called for him. He looked like a kid on Christmas and I had to hope he wouldn't be too disappointed. I pulled out the nightie which had the material cut away for the breast to be exposed. It was bright red with tiny panties and I wasn't sure I would be able to face him.

I dimmed the lights, since I didn't have the assistance of my spanks, and hoped he would still want to marry me. "Okay," I called out and stood nervously in the middle of the room.

He opened the door and looked at me in shock. "You don't like it?" I asked with tears threatening.

"Um…I don't know what to say…you just…I mean…I am so lucky to have you," he laughed and continued to stare at me.

"Come here," I whispered and he took a step as he began unbuttoning his shirt. "Stop," I yelled and he froze. "I didn't say you could unbutton your shirt."

He gave a funny chuckle and I raised an eyebrow causing him to drop his hands.

"Come here," I said again and he stepped towards me again. I reached out and grabbed his shirt, pulling harshly sending the buttons flying. I lowered the shirt trapping his arms to his side and rubbed up against him.

"Bella, I have to move my hands," he said as if he was in pain.

"You'll move them when I tell you," I whispered in his ear.

I walked behind him and brought my hands around him from the back and began undoing his pants. He tried to turn around but I wouldn't allow it. Once I had him stripped I pushed him towards the bed.  
>"Lie down," I said harshly.<p>

"No," he responded.

"What?" I asked in surprise.

"I said no, you'll have to spank me," he said with a breathy voice.

I ran my hands down his back to his ass, and instead of hitting him, I leaned over and kissed him gently. It was a night to remember.

The next day we made a trip to Forks to tell my parents of our upcoming marriage. They seemed…resigned. I am sure they worried about having a twice divorced daughter. They had no idea how much I loved Edward.

Edward stayed for over two weeks before he had to return home. I was coming the following week for the Jane showdown and quite frankly I was looking forward to it. I would stay for Thanksgiving and make the final move after Christmas. We still didn't have a date for the wedding, but it would most likely be the following summer.


	4. Chapter 10 thru 12

10

I walked from the terminal to find Edward waiting on the curb. He opened the car door but pulled me into his arms before I could climb in. I kissed him with joy, and felt something new in the way he responded. It wasn't desperate or aloof, but confident and secure.

"Welcome home," he whispered and I wanted to melt right on the spot. I stared out the window the entire way at the beautiful city passing by. I wondered how long it would take to feel truly at home here. It didn't really matter, I just wanted to be wherever Edward was.

When we pulled into the driveway I realized I had not spoken the entire way. I looked at Edward and his jaw was tight so I reached up and ran my fingers along the stubble on his chin. He gave me a hesitant glance and I smiled to make him relax.

"I hate being away from you," I confessed. "I feel so…loved, when I'm with you."

"I spoke to Jane last night and told her to prepare to move," he said softly.

"How did she take it?"

"Better than I expected. I have to run back to a meeting but we can talk to her together when I get home, okay?"

I nodded and he walked me into the house and sat my bag by the stairs. I was thrilled to see the house was spotless and hoped Jane would stay away from my wrath until Edward returned. I kissed him softly and whispered, "hurry," against his lips.

I took my bag to his room and changed into some comfortable sweats before heading to the music room to play around on the guitar. I was singing softly to myself and was startled to see Jane watching me from the doorway.

"Edward said you are a beautiful singer," she said, but I didn't respond.

"I want to apologize for how I treated you."

I continued to stare.

"I was jealous," she admitted.

Still nothing but silence from me.

"I want to ask if I can stay?"

Nope, not a peep.

"This was my home for several years, and Mr. Masen was so kind to me, he made me feel so loved," she said in tears.

I felt a shock run through me and wondered if Jane was being prepped for abuse without realizing it.

"Is your father alive?" I asked her.

"I don't have a father, I mean, I do, but my mother never told me who he is," she said to my addle brain. I stared at her and began to see bits of Edward in the line of her jaw, the length of her fingers, and the familiar temper.

"Your mother was the cook for the Masens?" I pushed.

"Yeah, and sometimes she had to work nights, so we moved in here. Edward was my only friend when he was home from school," she said sadly.

She walked further into the room and sat at the piano. "Do you play?" I asked her.

"Yes, Edward and I had the same piano teacher, but he was much better than me."

I watched her long fingers play softly on the keys and knew Edward would freak out if he knew his father moved a mistress and his own child into their home. Jane didn't deserve to always wonder who her father was. She deserved the truth, but it shouldn't come from her half brother's fiancé.'

"Is your mother alive?" I asked.

"Yeah," her brow furrowed just like Edward's and my heart broke for them both. "She has been really depressed for the past few years, though."

"Jane, I would really like to meet your mother, may I visit her?"

Jane's eyes lit up and she smiled widely. "Sure, let's go."

We climbed in the yellow Porsche and I was glad Edward gave it to her. It was bought by her father so many years ago, and it should belong to her. We headed to the south side of the city to a row of brownstones. The house was tall and very narrow.

Jane led me to the living room where her mother sat staring out the window. She looked up when we entered the room and I was stunned to see how much she looked like Jane. I could see how nobody questioned her parentage. You would automatically see her mother in her face.

"Jane, do you have any pictures I can look at with you and Edward as kids?" I asked to get her to leave the room. She quickly ran up the stairs.

"Mrs. Volturi, did Mr. Masen leave you any money for his daughter?"

I watched as her eyes widened and her mouth fell open wide. "I know Jane is his biological child and she deserves to have what belongs to her. May I talk to Edward about it?"

"He was good to her," she said and I nodded in understanding. "He would take her to the zoo and to the park. But after Elizabeth died, he just gave up on life. He tried to work things out with Junior, but they could never come to an understanding."

"I hope Edward and Jane can bridge the gap with each other. I want her to be a part of his life."

Jane came into the room and I had to look at the pictures as I pretended they were all new to me. When it was time to go, I shook her mother's hand and asked, "Is there anything you need, anything I can do for you?"

"Take care of my baby," she smiled and I leaned over to hug her.

When Edward got home he was shocked to see me and Jane fixing dinner together. He stared back and forth and finally said, "You've joined forces to poison me, haven't you?"

"We came to an understanding, I get you in the bed, she can have you for movies," I laughed.

"Bella met my mom," Jane announced and made my mouth go dry. I looked at Edward for any sign he was aware of the relationship between Jane's mother and his father. He looked at me with an unreadable expression.

"Go change, so we can eat," I smiled at him and he raised his eyebrows with a sexy smirk.

He headed up the stairs and I followed to watch him change from his suit. I hung it from the wooden valet stand and watched him dress in jeans and a simple t-shirt. We walked down the stairs together and I had a hard time containing the joy I was feeling. It was caused by the simple act of walking down the stairs with the man I love to eat.

We sat together as an unknowing family and shared a meal. Jane helped clean up and then left for the gym. Edward and I looked at each other and smiled.

"Do you need to go take off anything?" Edward asked.

"No," I sneered at him.

"Do you feel healthy?" he smiled.

"Tip top shape," I said staring into his face.

"So, if I threw you over my shoulder and take you to my bed, you would be good with it?"

"You would have to catch me first," I said and took off running.

Edward was right on my heels the entire way, but let me make it to the bed before tackling me onto the mattress. I was laughing hysterically as he tickled my sides, until I begged him to stop. He rolled over to pull me on top of him.

"I'm so glad you're here," he said as he peppered me with kisses.

"We're doing this, Edward. I never believed the smart ass boy with the attitude would be my soul mate," I sighed.

"I didn't have half the attitude you had," he said adamantly.

"You used the word 'pass' first," I pointed out.

"I was shy," he lied.

"You are so full of shit; you were throwing off some major, James Dean Rebel without a Cause, crap."

"I was just playing off your, Pat Benatar Hit Me with your Best Shot, hate."

"I thought you were so cute," I admitted.

"I noticed your great breasts that first day," he confessed.

I laughed and buried my head in his neck as he rubbed my back gently. I listened to the silence of the room and the breathing of Edward as he closed his eyes. "Do you still hear it?" I asked him softly.

"It is getting fainter," he said sadly.

I pushed up onto my hands and looked into his face. I wished I had the words to take away his pain and make life so much easier for him. I wanted to tell him I was his forever and I would be whatever he needed. I finally smiled and said something so spontaneous it shocked me.

"I'll get the tattoo."

"What tattoo?" he asked.

"Your name on my hip."

His eyes grew wide and he laughed in a funny way. "You're too tiny for Edward Anthony Masen on your hip."

"I planned on getting a J and an R. I'm not brave enough for that whole mouth full of a name."

"What if I get, Isabella Marie Swan Masen, on my hip?"

"On your ass," I demanded.

He laughed and said, "That is so Emmett."

I watched his smile fade into a serious expression and he whispered, "How about on my heart?"

"I don't need it, I feel it in your touch, I see it in your smile, and I hear it from your lips."

He kissed me in the way only Edward can, like a starving man feasting on my mouth. I was so certain of our love that I knew we would be together forever. I pulled his shirt over his head and ran my fingers over the planes of his chest. He unhooked the button on his jeans and I climbed off the bed to pull his jeans off from his feet.

I laughed at the sight of his black dress socks and tugged them off by pulling on the toe. He pulled his leg back to help me, but when the sock finally broke free, I fell back onto my butt with a thud. He jumped up to kneel on the edge of the bed and laughed heartily.

"You better not ever repeat this to anyone," I threatened.

"You have to choose between this, and the girdle."

"You have to choose between what I did for you that night, and me never doing it again," I said angrily.

He smiled his sexy crooked smile and said, "This and the girdle go with me to the grave."

I climbed off the floor and dropped my sweats where I stood. Edward scooted back into the bed and I climbed up with my hands up to let him pull of my shirt. He unhooked my bra and sighed loudly, "Perfection," he said, looking at my breasts.

I gave a mental fist pump into the air to every silicone loving professional athlete.

I woke up to a totally dark room and realized I had been sleeping so hard I never heard Jane return home. Edward was lying on his back snoring softly, so I climbed over him as gently as possible and tiptoed to the bathroom.

I left the light off and froze when I heard the bedroom door open. I watched as a shadowy figure made its way to the bed and wondered if Jane needed Edward for some reason. She raised her hand high in the air and I saw something catch the small amount of light filtering through the window.

I hit the light switch, flooding the room with brightness. She startled, but her arm continued its downward swing.

I shouted, "Jane, no," and ran towards her, as I watched the sight of the knife making contact with Edward's chest and blood shoot into the air.

I screamed and fell onto my knees with my hand out toward Edward. I couldn't catch my breath and I had to gasp for air. I stared at the large knife sticking out of his chest as Edward's body twitched and writhed on the bed.

Jane turned to run from the room just as another scream could be heard down the hallway. I looked towards the door to see some man pulling Jane, Edward's Jane, in her pajamas, by the hair. I ran to the hallway, tying to decide who to help, Edward or his sister.

I looked back to see Edward yell out in pain as he pulled the knife from his chest. I was going to run back to help him when my attention was brought back to the hallway.

"Bella, help me," Jane screamed, and I saw the other Jane, hooker Jane, making her way down the stairway keeping her back to the wall. She stared at me as she went from step to step, I could tell she was afraid and wasn't expecting me to be at the house.

I was filled with rage that she would hurt Edward, he never did anything to her, but she just possibly killed him. My eyes were focused on that Jane, wanting her dead, until Edward's sister cried out again, "Please don't hurt me."

The man was huge with the skin of a drug addict and his eyes were darting all over the place. He appeared to be high and my fear for Jane increased. I ran forward and the man stopped at the top of the stairway, placing Jane in front of him as a warning for me to stop.

"Leave her alone," I yelled as my hands flexed from wanting to reach out for the petrified girl he was holding.

He twisted her head to the side before yelling for me to stay back. I was terrified he would snap her neck; she looked so tiny in his big hands. He smiled at my face and let his tongue move along Jane's jaw as she cried in fear.

"Please let her go, take me instead," I begged him.

His eyes widened and then narrowed as he tried to think things through. He looked me up and down for a moment, trying to decide if I was worth the trade. He glanced behind him to see Jane, his Jane, was nowhere to be seen.

"You're Masen's girlfriend, the cops will never stop looking for you," he said angrily.

"No, you're wrong," I said trying to remain calm. "Take me."

He stared at Edward's door for a moment and then tightening his hold on Jane harshly, making her scream.

"Are you a virgin?" he asked her. Something snapped inside of me and I felt a new sense of courage. I was not allowing this to happen to Edward's sister. I knew how long it took to recover from some sick man's abuse. I wouldn't allow it to happen to her.

I wanted to tell for her not to answer and quickly yelled, "She's a minor," hoping my lie would win her freedom.

"All the better," he smiled, and my mind went straight to Phil again. This man was just another sick bastard in a world full of them, but I was stronger now, and I would fight for Jane.

My anger grew at the thought of this sleaze, thinking she was a child, and still willing to hurt her. I felt the rage I had buried so deeply bubble toward the surface. When I spoke again my voice was deep and threatening.

"You touch her, and I will kill you."

"You're dead either way, Bitch," he said and stepped down one step. He was trying to stay in control by threatening me, but I could tell I had rattled him. He was expecting me to cry and beg, just as I had with Phil, but I was smarter than that.

"The silent alarm has been set off; the police are on their way. Let. Her. Go," I said forcefully.

He chuckled and shook his head, "We do our homework; the place doesn't have an alarm."

"Are you willing to rely on a prostitute telling you the truth? I bet she told you only two people would be in the house, didn't she?"

I saw hooker Jane look around the corner to see what was keeping him. He began to pull my Jane down the staircase just as I managed to get closer to him.

"Help me," she was crying to me. I had to refuse to look at her face, so I could remain strong. I stared right at the man, watching the movement of his eyes, looking for any opening to grab her.

He backed his way into the kitchen and stopped when he saw the other entrance to the hallway, afraid someone would come up behind him. His Jane stood nervously at the door for a moment and then quickly ran off.

"I will walk out of here with you, just let her go, you don't want to hurt a child. She doesn't want you coming in her room, she wants to be safe, and she deserves to sleep in her house without worrying about you sneaking into her room."

I knew I was rambling, and I knew I was speaking to Phil through this creep, but I had to make him trade me for Jane. She was too young and innocent to be ruined by this pimp.

"They won't look for her," he said forcefully. Trying to convince me Edward would willingly give up Jane, but not me.

"Yes they will, she is Edward's sister, she is Edward Masen Senior's child. They will never stop looking for her; she is the heir to Edward's fortune if he is dead."

"You're lying," the man said looking toward the other doorway again.

"Look at her fingers and her jaw, she's a Masen," I said adamantly.

Jane's face was horrorstricken. She knew I was telling the truth and it was almost more than she could take at the moment. It was a horrible thing to find out this way, but if it would save her, I had to try.

"I'm nobody; I don't even live in this state. Take me, please," I tried to say calmly.

He hesitated and I stepped closer, holding my hand out for him to grab, "Just let her go, and I will walk out with you."

I could tell he was considering the proposition. It would be so much easier to walk out with me than with a screaming child he would have to drag.

He slowly let Jane go, and just as he was about to grab my arm, Edward flew through the darken hallway in a rage so intense, he was animalistic. The force of his forward movement crushed the man against the counter with a sickening thud.

I didn't wait to see the outcome. Edward was giving me the chance to run and to save Jane. I grabbed her and pulled her with me, as I ran at full speed up the staircase. I stopped by Edward's room to seize my phone and I tried to ignore the blood on the sheets. I pushed Jane up the staircase into the attic. I couldn't find a lock, so I pulled her behind the shelves of boxes, tumbling them onto us to hide under.

I called 911 and had to yell at Jane to get the official address. She was going into shock and was so afraid I was damaging her further.

The dispatcher asked me to stay on the line and I begged them to hurry and save Edward. I had little hope he could fight off the man with a knife wound in his chest, but Edward had two things on his side, his rage, and his strength.

I heard a noise and pulled more of the contents of boxes over us and placed my hand over Jane's mouth. We lay there silently, listening for any sound of a fight or help coming, breathing heavily among the baby items.

I said a silent prayer, and thought of Angela, when I heard sirens headed our way. I had to believe Edward was okay. I couldn't possibly go on without him.

The sound grew louder and louder and red strobe lights began to pulsate in the room through the small octagon window. The woman on the phone told us to stay put until the police could secure the house. It was over half an hour before the door opened and someone yelled, "Chicago police, do you need assistance?"

"Yes," I called out. "She's in shock, I need help."

I began to toss the debris off of us and a paramedic came in to check on Jane. "Is Edward okay?" I asked.

"Sorry, I don't know who Edward is," he said sadly.

I looked at the officer and asked, "The men fighting…who…I mean did…is anyone dead?"

"Come with me," he said and I began to cry. I was terrified he would make me identify Edward's body.

He escorted me downstairs and I came into the kitchen to see everything in disarray, chairs were broken and glass was everywhere. I could see blood splatter and the officer asked me to watch where I walked. I followed him out of the house and to a waiting ambulance.

"Is this Edward?" he asked as I saw his pale white face lying lifeless on a gurney. I grabbed my chest and cried out causing Edward to open his eyes and look around for me. I jumped into the ambulance and was quickly pushed back out by a medic.

"You can't come in here, we need to get his bleeding under control," the young man said.

"Is he okay?" I asked.

"We're taking him to Northwestern, meet us there," the paramedic instructed me.

"Sorry Miss, but we need to ask you some questions first," the officer said to me. "You're the only witness we have access to right now."

I nodded and stepped back so the ambulance door could close. "Bella," Edward called out in a soft voice, so I stuck my hand out to hold the door.

"I'm here, Edward."

"No man ever touches you," he said in the calm voice he uses that scares me so much.

"I love you, with all that I am," I cried out to him and the door closed. I hoped he heard me and I also hoped it was not the last time I got the chance to tell him that.

I turned to look at the officer and asked, "Did you find Jane? She was with the man Edward fought."

He gave me a funny glance and looked up at the attic window. I followed his gaze and quickly added, "Not that Jane, the woman who stabbed Edward is named Jane, too."

The officer walked me to his car and sat me in the front seat as he spoke on his radio. I gave him a description of what Jane looked like and what she was wearing. He pulled out a small notebook and began asking me questions.

"So, you knew these people?"

"I knew Jane, um, not really knew her, but I had seen her before." I suddenly realized the story was going to make Edward look awful, and I hoped it didn't end up in the papers.

"Where did you see her?"

"Edward got drunk one night and went to his mother's grave. He returned with Jane and let her sleep here." I hoped it made him sound generous, not lecherous.

"Did he pay her for sex?"

"They didn't have sex, but I paid her, so she would leave," I let my head fall in shame. "The guy said they knew the house didn't have an alarm, do you think they were stalking Edward? Hey, wait, I saw her at a benefit with some doctor. I bet the other guy was in the house, knowing we wouldn't be here and Jane could watch us at the party."

The officer chuckled at my deductions, but continued to write without making any comment.

I was growing weary of his constant questions, which seemed to just be the same ones asked differently, over, and over again. I felt the familiar weakening of my body, so I slid lower in the seat and let my head fall back.

The officer looked at me and finally put his notebook away. "You look pretty pale, are you okay?" he asked me.

"I get really sick when I'm stressed. I feel really weak right now," I explained.

"Do you need medical assistance?"

I closed my eyes and nodded, feeling my body going numb.

11

This time my illness was more than I could fight. I was aware of things around my body, but it seemed so distant and I had to really concentrate to hear voices. Some I recognized, others were just foreign tones meaning nothing to me.

I was locked in some weird recess in my mind. I wandered with the swirls of color and the disjointed tunes of songs. I saw Phil and he looked tortured and sad. He tried to explain, but I refused to hear him and slid away with a rising melody.

Edward's mother appeared, dressed in yellow, and told me the sad news that I would never have a child to wear Edward's tiny clothing. She tried to be distressed but a faint smile was upon her lips. Someone called to her from far away and I could see Mr. Masen in the distance, but she wouldn't acknowledge him.

I yelled to him, telling him Edward and I would take care of Jane, but he only called back for Elizabeth. My head became full of students needing help, and understanding, and most of all, needing fixed. I covered my ears and screamed for Esme and Carlisle. I wasn't strong enough for this. I couldn't help the pleading voices full of so much pain.

The chanting faded and something I recognized began to filter through my body. It was so soft that I had to strain to hear it. It was singing, it was something that resonated through me. I smiled at the familiar words of Edward's Song.

_Those tiny little spaces, Lingering, untouched by all the other hands. Filling with emotion, Sometimes, so hard for me to understand. You moved and I came undone, Changing, from the mirrors reflection inside. You see me, when I'm still, My heart is terrified and unable to hide._

"Bella," he whispered, and I had to force my eyes to open. I saw Edward sitting in a wheelchair with his forehead lying on my bed. I reached over to touch his hair and his head shot up. He smiled and grabbed my hand, kissing it over and over again.

"Are you okay?" I asked with a thick, gravelly voice.

He couldn't answer and continued to hold my hand to his mouth. I saw the bulge of bandages along his chest and used my hand he was kissing to lift his head.

"Are you okay?" I asked again.

"Yes, love, I'm fine, and you will be, in time."

"What's wrong with me?" I asked hoping beyond hope he had an answer.

He shook his head and I wanted to scream from frustration. "How's Jane?"

"She's okay, she is pretty messed up, but she will adjust. You were amazing, Bella."

I felt the tears stream down the side of my face. "I couldn't let that man…well, you know," I said softly.

He smiled at me and nodded, "Yea, and I couldn't let him…you know, either."

"I thought you were dead," I cried and he scooted closer to my head to kiss me.

The door opened and a nurse came in and was stunned to see me looking back at her. "Well, look who finally woke up," she laughed and came over to check my IV.

"Can I go home?" I asked her.

"No, dear, the doctor will make his rounds later today."

"I'm two floors down," Edward informed me.

"You have to stay?" I asked.

"I have a fever; they just need to make sure infection doesn't spread. I feel fine," he assured me.

I noticed his one hand was all bandaged and I ran my fingers over the gauze. "Your poor hands," I mumbled.

"These are scars I'll wear proudly," he said softly.

The nurse gave us both a courteous smile and I knew I had a very difficult conversation ahead of me. I wanted her to remain in the room incase Edward tried to destroy something, but I needed privacy to tell him what I had to say.

"Do you remember Jane's mother very well?"

"Sure."

"Was she friends with your mother and father?" I pressed on with a fast beating heart.

"I guess, my mother didn't eat big meals, so it was usually my father and Jane eating."

"So… they hired a cook for your father only?"

He seemed to be getting irritated and sat back in his wheelchair. "I don't know, I was at school, and they entertained a lot."

I nodded and decided to drop it, "Edward, you look tired, please go get some rest," I said.

"You don't want me here?" he asked sadly.

"Can you climb onto my bed?" I asked and began to scoot over.

"I have to lie on the other side," he pointed out and I looked at my IV blocking his path.

"Can you push this to the other side of the bed, and I'll lay on my side?"

"Forget it, I'll just stay in my chair," he said with a disappointed face.

"Get up here," I said forcefully and his mouth formed a smile. We spent ten minutes figuring out the logistics, but he eventually was lying behind me, unable to put his arm around me, but he kept kissing my head lovingly.

"Thank you, for saving me," I said after one of his kisses.

"I was only returning the favor; you saved me first, long ago."

"You've been on the website again," I laughed and heard him chuckle.

I heard him begin to breathe deeply and knew he was asleep. I loved the sound of his breathing and it soothed me. I didn't want to think about the moments I didn't know if he was dead or alive, so I immersed myself in the amazing sound of each breath.

My door opened an hour later and a doctor walked in. He was startled to see two people in the bed and I only smiled at him. He pulled Edward's wheelchair into the hallway and came back to sit by my bed.

"You obviously don't have good news for me," I said in fear.

"We think you are being poisoned in some way, but we can't put our finger on what it is. You aren't using pesticides or anything?" he asked yet again.

"No, and I eat what other people eat. It only happens here, I never have a problem in Seattle, could it be a plant of some sort?" I asked trying desperately to find any reasonable cause.

"It is something you are being repeatedly exposed to, each time you have another exposure it worsens the reaction. Your liver can't process the poison, and your ovaries have ceased working."

"I can't have children?" I asked as tears filled my eyes.

"We can try some stimulating drugs, but at this point the poison is most likely in your uterus and I'm not sure it could sustain a healthy pregnancy."

I could tell Edward was listening by the way his body remained rigid and fixed. I was glad I couldn't see his face. If he was smiling, it would have killed me. "When can I go home?" I asked him.

"Well, at this point I would ask you to go back to Seattle and not risk more exposure," he suggested and I nodded. I wasn't sure I could go back to Edward's house anyway. The bloody sheets were waiting and I couldn't handle that.

"Could it be me?" Edward asked and the doctor looked at him so he continued. "Could it be something I am causing, like stress?"

"No, this is a real toxin. She is being poisoned," he explained and I felt fear run through me. Surely Edward wouldn't poison me to keep me with him always. I could hear Jake's words in my mind and I felt afraid of Edward for a moment.

After the doctor left I said to Edward, "I'm too afraid to go back to your house. If you have to stay I'll get a hotel close by."

"I promised Charlie I would send you home," he said softly.

I wanted to argue but I also wanted my own bed, with my own amenities, but more importantly I wanted far from the memories of what happened. I was tired of being sick and if staying out of Chicago would keep me well, I would find a way to do it.

"Will you come to Seattle as soon as you can?" I asked.

"Yeah, I have some things to finish first." He chuckled lightly and said, "I'm sure Jane will not want to live with us now."

Since he seemed to have trouble moving I decided to push the Jane issue again. "Edward, what is you first memory of Jane?"

"Bella," he said angrily, "She was a little girl."

"I know, I'm not insinuating anything. I just want to know how you guys interacted, was she like a little sister or a friend or what?"

"She was a buffer," he said after some thought. "I interacted with my father through Jane."

"Was he a father figure for her?" I wished I could see his face to know if he was beginning to put things together, his answers gave nothing away.

"I guess, he took her places her mother couldn't afford to take her. I think he felt like he needed to have some sort of positive impact on her life."

"Why would he feel that way?" I asked,

Edward was quiet for a few moments and finally asked, "Is there something specific you are asking?"

"Did you hear what I was saying to the man who had her?" I asked.

"You were trying to convince him to take you instead," he said forcefully, like he was trying to will it to be so.

I closed my eyes before saying, "I was trying to save your sister."

He didn't move, he didn't speak, and I couldn't hear his breathing pick up to signify his rage was building. It was as if he completely ignored what I said. I wasn't sure if I should repeat myself or ask if he needed clarification. I was debating in my mind what to do when he finally sat up and said, "I'm going to let you get some rest before you leave. I'm in room three-sixty-four."

"Is there anything you need me to pick up for you, or bring?" I asked him.

"No, I'll be leaving soon, too."

"Edward," I asked as he reached for the door, "Are you upset?"

He rolled his eyes and said, "I've been stabbed by my hooker, my fiancé is being poisoned, and my kitchen needs remodeled, what would I have to be upset about?"

"I love you, if that helps," I smiled.

"It makes my world turn, love," he said sadly and left the room.

I signed the discharge papers when they were ready and agreed, again, to see a doctor at home. I took a cab to his house to get his car and clean clothes, but became too terrified to actually go inside. I grabbed his keys off the hook by the back door and left as fast as I could.

I headed to Jane's mother's house and found her there. She was lying in bed, feeling emotionally worn out. Her mother told me she stayed in her room most of the time. She looked so fragile under the heavy covers and I wanted to pull her into my arms.

I sat on the edge of the mattress and smiled at her. "Mom, can you give me some time alone with Bella," she asked.

Her mother left to make some tea and Jane looked at me with tears. "Thank you…I…"

"Jane, don't. I've been a victim of a sick perpetrator when I was younger; I would stop that from happening to anyone."

"Did you lie to him?" she asked forthright. I knew exactly what she meant. She was trying to work it out in her mind, the fact she could be Edward's sister.

I picked up her small hand and took a deep breath before shaking my head back and forth a few times. I traced her long fingers with mine and tried to smile. "I can't be sure, but I suspect it's true."

"Does Edward know?" she asked with a slight sigh.

"Yes, he doesn't want to admit it right now, but his heart knows."

"Does he hate me?" she cried.

"He hates his father, not you."

"But his father isn't here to hate, and I am," she pointed out. "I used to wish for it. I used to blow out my birthday candles and wish he could be my dad. I felt sorry for how lonely he was. Edward and his mother were always together and laughing, and he was always alone and so sad."

"You brought him joy, Jane. I'm sure of it," I said to relieve her breaking heart.

"He moved us into his home," she whispered incredulously.

"You need to talk to your mother about that, she has the answers you need, not me."

She nodded and glanced at the door, "I'll ask her later, I am so tired right now."

"You get some rest, it has been a real emotional shock for you. I'm going back to Seattle and I don't know when I'll be back," I informed her.

"I'll miss you," she said truthfully.

"Naw, you're done with me, anyway," I teased.

I picked up Edward's favorite bagel from a deli by the hospital. I walked into his room to find the lights out and his arm draped over his face. I made enough noise that even if he was asleep, it would have woken him up. I finally reached out and touched his arm lightly.

"Edward, please look at me," I said softly.

"Shhhh," he insisted. "It's trying to find me. It comes from the East."

My heart sank and I began to cry. I leaned over him and kissed his exposed lips, "Let me make them stop, let me stop the waves, forever."

He moved his arm to expose his red, puffy eyes, "How?" he asked with hope.

"You need help, Edward. You must let me get you the help you need," I begged him.

"It's like an approaching tidal wave, Bella, it is coming for me and there is nothing I can do."

I held his sad face in my hands and tried to make him believe what I was saying. I had to get through to him that the only way he could ever be okay, would be to let the wave crash over him. He had to be pulled under, so he could be pulled out of the water forever.

"Edward stop fighting it, you are such a strong man and you saved me, but let go now. Step back and let Junior get the help he needs. I will never leave you, but not because you are my life, but because I want you to be in my life. I choose you, Edward."

"It pulls everything away from me," he cried as he looked into my eyes with such a terrified expression.

"No, baby, it wants you to come with it. Let it pull you away too, so you will never be alone again."

His face became so childlike that I saw Elizabeth's son. The boy she adored to the point of ruining him, and the son Edward Sr. never got to love. I was holding his face in my hands and I wanted nothing more than for him to get well.

"I get so angry," he whispered.

"It's not anger, Edward, it's pain. You hurt so much and I want it to stop, okay? Can I get you the help you need, so I can love you forever?"

He never lost eye contact with me and he nodded quickly, as if it terrified him to move at all. I kissed him several times, trying to pour my strength into him.

I called Carlisle and updated him on the events that thrust us into crisis mode. He was my rock and kept me calm through the entire explanation. I told him I needed to put Edward in a facility to address his fears and his anger and he sighed loudly.

"Thank you," he offered, "I have been begging Edward to talk to you about this. He refused to allow me out of the patient privilege to bring it up."

"He didn't talk to me, he had a breakdown and I brought it up to him."

"Let me make all the arrangements, I can draw up orders to have him committed. The facility is in Santa Fe, New Mexico. You will have to escort him there, will that be a problem?"

I tried not to think about taking Edward to be locked up and having to say goodbye. I wanted to believe he would go willingly and be hopeful about when I could come get him. But I knew Edward too well, he would be angry and scared, and try to blame me for wanting him out of my life. I didn't know if I was healthy enough physically to deal with it.

"I may need, Emmett," I said as a joke, but Carlisle saw it as a solution.

"Bring Edward here, and we will all try to talk him into going with me or Emmett."

"Carlisle, I don't have the words to express how much we all love you and depend on you. If there are angels on earth, you are most certainly one."

"Bella, you have all made my life so much better by letting me into yours, I should be thanking you," he said humbly.

I knew he was wrong, aside from Angela making their greatest wish come true, we were a burden he willingly carried. So many adults had failed us in our lives and he restored our faith. I cannot imagine trying to navigate through the ups and downs of our broken souls without Carlisle and Esme.

I returned to Edward's room and told him I would stay until he was released, so I could help him pack. I was going to sleep at a hotel, still too terrified to go back to his house, and promised not to leave until he was asleep.

I sang to him softly, just as he did for me earlier. When a nurse came in to check his vitals she assured me his fever was slowly going downward. I felt my heart soar at just the simplest of good news.

I checked into a hotel and went shopping for some fresh clothes. I was paying for a pretty large purchase when I saw someone pass the window that looked like Jane, the prostitute. I ran from the counter and onto the sidewalk to chase down the blonde girl.

I grabbed her arm, ready to punch her right in the face if needs be. The woman gasped and cowered from me. I tried to apologize profusely for the mistaken identity and hurried back to the store. I felt like panic was raising in me, and I hurried back to the hotel. I was so ready to be out of this city forever.

The following morning I returned to the hospital and was told Edward could come home. He seemed so depressed and I worried about getting him to Washington safely. I drove to his house to pack his things and felt my own knees shaking. He walked into the kitchen ahead of me and I watched his fist tighten at the sight of the blood and mess.

"Edward, go play something for me on the piano, while I make lunch," I said to take his mind of the carnage that had taken place. I felt awful for being such a coward that I expected him to clean up his own blood.

I pulled everything off his bed as he played fast melodies on the piano. I threw the sheets away and scrubbed the blood off the carpet the best I could. I would arrange for someone to come clean the carpets after we left.

I put the kitchen back together and tossed out the two broken chairs and the wine glasses that shattered in their holder over the island. I wiped everything down with Clorox and then called a cab before I went to get Edward. I watched him from the doorway as he played the piano with his bandaged hands and chest. He winced a few times, but he was enjoying the music too much to stop.

I walked over to the piano and called his name softly. He opened his eyes and tried to smile, but like my own face, it was too sad to make the effort.

"Let's pack and get out of here," I said.

He stood and followed me to his room. His eyes darted to the bed and he seemed relieved to see clean sheets. I pulled his largest suitcase out and packed up most of his casual clothing. He went into the bathroom and packed up is shaving kit. I remembered the mess in the attic and decided it could wait.

"Did you make some food?" he asked.

I shook my head and promised to get him something at the airport. I was relieved when the cab pulled up but wouldn't feel totally safe until we landed in Washington. Edward was quiet the whole way and it worried me. At least when he was angry I knew what he was thinking.

We had only been home an hour when Carlisle, Esme and Lilly showed up. Edward was watching a game and picking on some pizza. Lilly ran right to his side and handed him a baggie, "I made you cookies," she said with a smile.

He stared at the bag and looked into her eyes; "You made those for me?" he said softly and looked like he was going to cry.

She threw her arms around him and said, "Don't cry, Edward. I love you."

It was the sweetest thing I had ever seen and I could only imagine how great it made Edward feel. "Edward, why don't you come to the bedroom and share some cookies with me," Carlisle said and led him away.

I let out a long breath and Esme patted my arm. "Is he still planning on going into treatment?" she asked.

"I haven't asked him. I'm going to insist he go, but he seems so resigned that I hope he is planning on it."

Carlisle came back with Edward, and I was surprised they finished so quickly. We all chatted for a moment and they left promising to come for Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't ask Edward what Carlisle said, I just wanted to get in bed and hold him all night.

We both clung to each other without wanting sex. I had a nightmare that night. I was hiding in the hamper as Phil came closer and closer. I woke up in a sweat and tried to keep my breathing even so I wouldn't wake up Edward.

At breakfast he finally broke his silence. "I'm going to Santa Fe right after Thanksgiving," he said watching me for a reaction.

"I'll support you any way I can. I will be waiting for you, no matter how long it takes."

"I want to tell you something," he said with wet eyes and swallowed deeply.

I waited for him to speak as my heart beat quickened. He was looking over my head and his leg was bouncing with nerves. He finally took a deep breath and said, "I don't remember fighting with my father, I don't remember even seeing him before his death."

"I'm sure the shock of hearing he died blocked it from your mind," I said and put my hand on top of his.

"What if I…did something to him?" he whispered.

"Edward," I said forcefully, "you did not kill your father."

He placed his hand over his mouth and looked away. I hoped he could find some peace soon. "Do you mind if I ask the McCarty's and Whitlock's along with my parents for Thanksgiving, too?" I asked him.

"Are you cooking?" he asked.

"Why, you don't think I can cook?"

"No, I mean it is a lot of people," he said tying to dig his way out of the hole he was in.

"You plan on hunting the turkey, right?" I said to tease him, but he didn't find it funny.

"Your husband taught me to fish, not hunt."

My smile quickly fell and I stared at him in total disbelief. He looked back at me without any remorse or attempt to apologize. I finally said, "Are you done?"

"I haven't even begun," he said hatefully.

"Don't do this," I begged quietly. "Please don't hurt me."

He threw his glass against the wall and yelled, "I told you I would never hurt you. Why can't you believe me?"

"I didn't mean it like that, I meant, please don't break my heart."

"Classic," he chuckled, "You ripped mine to pieces and you have the nerve to ask me not to break yours."

"You can blame me if you want. You can call me names and push me away, but I will still love you and I will still wait for you."

He laughed loudly and threw his hands into the air. "That is hilarious, you waiting for me, when have you ever waited for me?"

"Edward, you are scared and you feel backed into a corner. I'm going to leave for a bit and let you calm down."

He jumped up from his chair and kicked it to the ground. "Fuck you, Bella, you can't even wait for me to fly out before leaving me. I knew you wanted to move on, but I didn't know you wouldn't be able to wait for me to leave."

"You are not going to bait me," I said calmly and stared directly into his eyes so he could see my determination.

He grabbed his head and winced at the constant noise only he could hear; he stumbled to the couch and moaned loudly as he fell onto it. "It won't stop," he cried out.

I grabbed my guitar and sat across from him as I played the music he wrote. I played loudly until he finally began to calm down and I let the music soften to cry for him. He listened and finally calmed enough to hold his hand out for me.

I kneeled in front of him on the floor and lay my head in his lap. "I need help," he whispered.

"We're getting you help. I love you so much," I assured him.

I had finally seen a full crisis episode with Edward from start to finish. His rage was limited, thankfully, but I knew he could not go on the way he was. The biggest realization to me was the fact Edward could not be a father if he continued to live this way.

12

I invited Jessica and Paul to Thanksgiving and I think she agreed just so there would be an even number of couples. We divided up the dishes between everyone and I wasn't too stressed over hosting the event.

Lilly was excited to be in charge of playing with four month old Houston. My mom and dad came early to help set up seating arrangements. They could see the tension going on between me and Edward, but they didn't ask me about it.

I relaxed a bit when everyone arrived and began counting the minutes until Edward would be leaving for New Mexico. I didn't want him to be gone, but I was ready for him to get rid of his demons.

Alice kept trying to show everyone her baby bump, we assured her we could see it, but Emmett summed it up best when he asked, "Are you sure you don't just need to take a shit?"

"If she does, you can bet it belongs to someone else," Jessica said angrily, still holding a grudge from school.

Alice lifted both hands to flip her off, being kind by making it an even number of fingers. Paul seemed baffled by our off colored teasing and I am sure he was not aware of our past histories.

"Edward, don't you think Houston is adorable?" Lilly asked him, proving she was indeed adorable.

"He's a mac truck," Edward laughed and Lilly looked confused. "Hey Rose, are you feeding this kid your food?"

"I dare you to hold him," she challenged him. Edward glanced at me painfully and turned back to Lilly.

"Are you guys going to have kids?" Rose asked me.

I leaned closer so my mom wouldn't hear. "There's a big possibility I can't have babies."

"Why?" Rose asked in shock.

"They still can't find out what is wrong with me, my ovaries are not functioning."

"Could you, like, die?" Alice asked.

I glanced over to see Edward watching me. I looked away and tried not to ruin the day by crying. Esme called everyone to the table and Lilly insisted on eating by Houston's playpen, causing Jessica to relax over the uneven number of people around the table.

Carlisle looked around and said, "So, any issues we need to go over first?"

We all laughed uncomfortably and he wiggled his fingers telling us to bring it on.

"I weigh the same as I used to, but my clothes don't fit the same," Rose complained.

"Honey, your body changes after giving birth, if you weigh the same you are actually thinner," Esme said causing Rosalie to smile.

"If somebody left something at my house and I don't return it, is it stealing?" Alice asked.

"What did they leave?" Carlisle inquired.

She pulled her hair back and said, "These pearl earrings."

"Return them," Esme said with authority and Alice pouted.

"I make deals with my students, but I don't consider it a con, I think it is just motivation," Jasper said with a shrug.

Emmett threw his arms in the air announcing he won again. "Edward and Bella are still totally nuts, so I win."

"I'm not nuts, Bella is," Edward said with a straight face.

"You're so nuts you should be an athletic supporter," I said back to him.

"Last night you said you loved my nuts."

My eyes shot open and I made a weird coughing sound as I glanced at my parents. "You are such a liar," I accused him.

"Bella, your exact words were…"

"Edward," I yelled, "My father has a gun."

Charlie glared at Edward and held out his finger pretending to shoot a pistol at him.

"Okay, let me work my magic so we can eat," Carlisle insisted. "Rose, buy bigger clothes, you look like a rail. Alice, give back the earrings and make Jasper buy you some for Christmas. Jasper, keep your students appraised of what you expect and it won't be a con. Edward, you're doing your part tomorrow. Bella, leave Edward's nuts alone. Emmett, you win. Now, let's eat."

"Daddy, what should I do?" Lilly asked not wanting to be left out.

"Stop growing and promise your daddy he will always be the only man in your life."

"I promise," she called out, making us all laugh.

"I think we're scaring Paul," I laughed and began passing the bowls of food.

The entire day was just perfect and exactly what Edward needed. He was surrounded by people who loved him, or in my parent's case, tolerated him. He was relaxed and laughed often. Lilly talked him into holding Houston, it was more like passing him to Rose slowly, but I counted it.

When everyone got ready to leave Emmett hugged Edward and said, "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thank you, Emmett. You are truly a friend," Edward said back to him.

Alice made me promise to call and spend a spa day with her. She said I looked dull and I didn't tell her I felt dull, my light was leaving and this was my last hope he could be fixed.

When the house cleared of all the guests I looked at Edward nervously. He jerked his head toward the hallway. "What?" I asked with a smile.

"I want to show you something in the shower," he smiled back.

"What's so interesting in the shower?" I teased.

"It's more like what I'm going to do in the shower."

"You want to show me what you can do in the shower?"

"You'll be shocked and amazed," he said with a sexy grin.

"That is a pretty big promise; sure you don't want to settle for mildly amused and a little bewildered."

"I'm very confident," he said as he began removing his clothes.

"I have a confession," I admitted.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I love your nuts," I laughed.

"I have a confession, too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, that's what I was going to show you," he said as he dropped his pants.

I looked at his body and made my way slowly back to his eyes. "I'm shocked and amazed," I said seriously.

"You haven't seen anything yet," he said holding out his hand for me.

I took it, and he led me down the hallway. We were afraid of being apart, and afraid of what the future held for us, but there was no fear in our lovemaking. We gave ourselves completely and drew strength from each other. During our passion all of our issues disappeared and we felt whole.

I woke up dreading having to tell Edward goodbye. I reached out for him but the bed was empty. I got up and walked through my condo looking for him, but he was gone. I saw a note attached to the front door and reached for it with a shaky hand.

_Bella,_

_I can't say goodbye to you. I would never be able to walk out the door if you shed just one tear. So I left without waking you. I will call when I arrive so you can give me shit one last time. I'm going to fix it this time, Bella; I'll be the man you deserve. Always know, you are my only need._

_All my love,_

_Edward._

I refused to feel depressed. I tried to send happy, successful thoughts to Edward; hoping karma was on our side. We were due some good luck. We had our fair share of bad luck already, plus an extra dose for good measure.

I called Jane to see how she was doing. She told me she was over her bout with the flu and feeling much better. I told her about Edward going into treatment and she seemed happy for him.

"Any news on the other Jane?" I asked her.

"No, I don't think they are looking too hard. They consider her a prostitute who was just following orders."

I thought about it for a moment and something began to click. "Jane can you do me a favor? Go by the office for Elizabeth's foundation and pick up the guest list from the benefit in August and fax it to me. I'll call and have it ready for you."

"Why?" she asked curiously.

"Jane was there with a doctor. Who takes a street hooker to a gala? And come to think of it, what hooker hangs out at a cemetery? I think Edward was targeted, and not from lowly thieves. This may be a lot bigger than that."

"Should I be afraid?" she asked.

"Nobody knows your true identity. I will just tell them you are Edward's personal secretary. If anybody asks, you have no idea what the list is for, you are just picking it up like you were told."

"Okay," she said softly.

"Jane, stay away from the house, okay?""

"Yeah, of course."

"Do you need anything, honey, like money?"

"Edward gave me a Visa, can I use it?"

"Certainly, we'll all sit down soon and work out your part of the inheritance. Just give him a chance to get in a better frame of mind. He's going to be thrilled to have you as a sister, I promise," I told her.

"Bella, I think of you as a sister, I've never had one."

I struggled to keep my emotions in check and said, "I've never had one either, and I am going to love being your sister."

"Can I borrow your clothes?" she teased.

"Stop copying me or I'll tell mom," I teased back.

Her voice got very serious and she said softly, "When I was here with Edward, he would talk crazy sometimes, like he didn't know what he was saying."

"I know, honey, he talks about the waves from the island. The sound haunts him."

"Will it ever stop?"

"I'm going to do everything I can to make sure it does. I'll talk to you soon, bye."

Later that afternoon Edward called to tell me it was the last chance he would get to use a phone for several weeks. I tried to remain calm and upbeat, but I could hear my voice shaking.

"I think I can take Emmett, if you want me to come home," he tried to joke.

"Keep your ass there, and don't fall for some heroin addict or a woman with multiple personalities."

"There's a brunette with attitude here, you know I can resist those."

"She only wants your cigarettes, don't fall for it," I laughed.

"I knew I should still smoke, damn."

"Hey."

"Yes, love."

"I love you with all that I am."

"Tattoo it on your hip, and I'll believe it."

I smiled and listened to his emotions build. He sniffed several times and finally whispered. "I'm so scared."

"Just know it will be the last time you will ever have to be afraid again. Get better Edward, and come home to shock and amaze me."

He laughed and took a deep breath. "I love you," he sighed.

"I love you, too."

The phone went dead.

How do you fill your days with meaning when your entire reason for breathing is gone? The days felt like years and I called Carlisle constantly trying to find any morsel of information. He would give me general answers and tell me to be patient, and I would cuss him and then beg for forgiveness.

I worked twelve hour days and spent nights on the internet looking into Dr. Aro's past. I was trying to find anything that would tie him to Jane through Edward. He was a member of the Foundation board but didn't serve in any leadership capacity.

I got a call right before Christmas from Angela asking me to come for a visit. It would be a short weekend trip, but I was so excited. Esme sent a recent picture of Lilly, in case Angela wanted to see her. It was just what I needed.

We sat up late into the night talking about our lives. Angela had a wonderful husband, who obviously adored her, and three gorgeous kids.

"I think you did the right thing and found someone outside of the school," I admitted. "It is so hard for two crazy people to make it work."

"You were never crazy, Bella," she said in her kind voice that felt like salve on my aching heart. "You were the only one to look beyond yourself and help others. That is a rare quality for a teenager."

"I wish you knew the side of Edward I know. He is funny, and loving, and so giving," I let my head drop and Angela picked up my hand to hold.

"We all have a dark side, he'll learn to control his, I have faith in him," she smiled and I believed her.

"I want to do something …big….something that shows him I will love him forever. I just don't know what to do. I considered a tattoo," I admitted and Angela glanced around the room to see if anyone was listening. She pulled her shirt collar lower to reveal a heart with her husbands name tattooed on her breast.

I screamed with laughter. She was last person on the face of the earth I expected to have a tattoo. "Did it hurt?" I asked as I scrunched up my nose.

"Bella," she said in exasperation while rolling her eyes. "I was a cutter, remember."

"You have to take me to get one. I want it on my hip and I want it to say, 'I will never leave you, Edward Masen, and I will love you with all that I am.'"

Her eyes grew wide so I clarified. "Okay, maybe just, 'Edward, I will love you with all that I am.' Wait, maybe just 'All That I Am.'"

"Stop talking or it will end up just being an 'I'," she laughed at me.

"I'm afraid of the needles," I admitted.

"You baby," she teased. "I will take you to lunch and we will have a couple of glasses of wine, then I'll take you for the tattoo."

"It will have to be a lot more than a couple of glasses, maybe a couple of bottles."

"Be brave," she said patting my knee, "Edward is having to face his fears without wine."

"I never noticed what a bitch you are," I teased back.

She hugged me tightly and I relaxed against her. She smelled like a mom and I loved her so much. I finally brought up the subject of Lilly.

"Ang, I just want you to know how wonderful Lilly is. She is loved so completely and she has your compassionate nature. She stole Edward's heart right from the moment he met her."

I watched her eyes fill with tears and she smiled, "Thank you, I miss her but I don't worry about her."

"She looks so much like your Rachel," I told her and pulled out the picture Esme gave me.

Angela held it gently in her hands and said, "Someday we'll talk and I'll explain everything to her. I did the best thing for her, giving her to Carlisle and Esme."

"She'll understand, she is their world and that was a gift you gave to her," I said honestly. "Edward and I will most likely have to adopt, if he gets well enough to be a father."

"Don't lose hope, you have no idea what medical science can do in the future."

I laughed hard and said, "I'll end up with a daughter the size of Emmett."

"Maybe girls can play in the NFL by then," she laughed with me.

We got to bed late and Angela was up bright and early to get her kids fed and ready for the day. I forced myself to get up and groaned when I was met with a cheery hello. How did she find the energy to be so damn happy all the time, maybe I should consider cutting myself? I was certain I was too much of a chicken to even give it a try.

"Here, I want to show you something," she said with excitement.

"It better have testicules if you want me to be shocked and amazed," I said as I poured a cup of coffee.

She handed me a drawing that had Edward's name in script over the top of the words 'All That I Am.'

"This is beautiful, when did you do this?" I asked truly amazed, even with out the male body parts.

"I was just playing around with some ideas, trying to get the most punch with the least amount of pain," she laughed.

"You are a freaking genius, Angela, this is perfect. When can we go?"

"We can't drink this early, so it will have to be after lunch," she teased me.

I couldn't take my eyes off the rendering. Edward was going to love it and trying to contain my excitement was killing me. I wanted to call everyone I knew and tell them how much I loved Edward and what I was willing to do to show him.

Until I actually got the thing. It hurt. It hurt bad. No amount of liquor was going to dull that pain unless I was actually passed out drunk, but it would have sobered me up after the first puncture. Angela held my hand as I cried like a baby.

The poor artist had to keep telling me to hold still and I actually felt a bit sorry for Phil and the burns I caused him, just a bit, for maybe half a second.

When he finished I stood in front of the mirror looking at the red swollen flesh that ached and burned at the same time, and smiled. "It's perfect," I said, and then had to leave with my jeans undone.

I would always remember my visit to Angela's that year. I had a reminder to take with me for the rest of my life. When I got back to Seattle I tried to get my Christmas shopping done. I kept finding things I would love to give Edward, but I wasn't sure when he would be coming home.

My parents wanted me to come to Forks for Christmas, but Jake had been invited for dinner, so I lied and said I had to work. I dropped off gifts to everyone except the Cullens, I would take those over Christmas morning and eat breakfast with them.

I just got out of the shower to dress for the day when my phone rang. I grabbed it quickly, not wanting the machine to pick up and said a quick hello.

"Merry Christmas, love," I heard over the line.

"Edward," I screamed and then immediately fell into tears.

"Don't cry," he chuckled and it only made it worse. I longed to hear his voice and his laughter.

"Bella, come on, I'm not that big of a deal," he said trying to calm me down, but only made me miss him more.

"You're a huge deal," I was finally able to say.

"Shhh, my therapist is trying to convince me the world doesn't revolve around me. Don't ruin his hard work," he laughed. He sounded so….healthy, but I had to remind myself he could have plenty of work ahead of him and not get too excited.

"I miss you, Edward, and I think about you constantly," I admitted.

"That sounds obsessive, I think you need to come here for treatment," he teased.

"I can't, it would make the patient tally uneven, and Jessica would never allow it."

"Screw Jessica," he said with a laugh.

"So, how's it going, Edward?"

"Good, um, don't interrupt me," he warned and I made myself sit down to hear what he had to say. "I talked to Jane."

I bit my lip wanting desperately to scream at him for calling Jane and not me, but I didn't interrupt, there was plenty of time to rip him a new one later.

"We had Jane on speaker phone and walked through some suppressed memories. I think my mother knew who she was and most likely suggested they move in. It isolated my father further from me and her. Jane was the real victim in this instance."

He was silent for a moment and finally laughed, "Okay, you can talk now."

"You used to call your sister your girlfriend, that's really gross," I laughed.

"She was eight when I said it, that was really gross," he clarified.

"How's she doing?" I said, finally getting serious.

"She has some really great memories of my father. She's lucky," he said sadly.

"Have you torn up any rooms, punched any walls?"

"My knuckles are healing nicely," he said and I wasn't sure if it meant yes or no.

"So, when…."

"When do I get to shock and amaze you?" he laughed making me think of things I would regret later when I was all alone.

"Exactly."

"There's a visitation day coming up, do you think you could make it?" he asked nervously.

"Are you kidding me, come on, Edward. I'll get dressed right now and sit outside the clinic."

"You're not dressed right now?" he asked with a whisper.

"You caught me getting out of the shower," I laughed and could picture him sitting in a room full of other patients.

"Start from the top and give me a detailed description," he said with his hand cupped around the receiver so others wouldn't hear.

"Can I exaggerate?" I asked.

"Oh God, Please do," he moaned.

"My breasts have doubled in size," I started but he interrupted.

"They were already perfect."

"Well, my ass has tripled in size," I continued.

"It was already perfect," he said again.

"My arms are empty," I whispered.

"Not for long," he said to give me hope.

"Edward, do you still hear it?" I asked with my eyes closed.

"It sings to me now, I hear the patterns and the music, but yes, I still hear it."

"That is an improvement, right?"

"Bella, I've made a lot of improvements. I've done hypnotherapy and it has allowed me to look at the memories without having to relive them. How are you doing? Any recent bouts?"

"No, it has to be something specific to Chicago, but something nobody else is doing, or maybe it is something I have an allergy to, but nobody else does. It is so frustrating. I want to be able to visit Jane and go with you to your home."

"Don't worry, it won't kill me to live in Seattle," he said as if he was making a huge sacrifice.

I chuckled and growled a little if irritation.

"What?" he asked.

"What happened to, I go where you go, or, life is wonderful wherever we are together?"

"Bella, I can't make you my whole world, that isn't healthy for either one of us," he said trying to make me the clingy one.

"Just bite me," I said under my breath, but loud enough for him to hear.

"Don't talk dirty to me, I'm in therapy as it is," he laughed. "Do you have any idea how much I dream about your girdle?"

"I will leave you in the desert to die, Edward, don't push me when I am missing the guy I love so much."

"I'm jealous of him," he sighed.

"If I don't see him soon, I'm all yours."

"So you can be here on the third?" he said with an ache I could feel, too.

"I'm counting the seconds, thank you for the Christmas surprise, it made my day," I said before choking up.

"Say it," he asked quietly.

I thought of the tattoo and smiled, knowing he was going to love it, "I love you with all that I am."

"Thank you, it just made my day. I love you, Bella. Goodbye."

I couldn't force myself to say the word. I just hung up, knowing I would miss him more than I could express for the rest of the day.


	5. Chapter 13 thru 16

13

I forced myself to cheer up and dressed in my obligatory Christmas sweater, loaded up the gifts for the Cullens, and headed off to spread Christmas cheer. Lilly opened the door with a bright red ring of Kool-Aid over her top lip and still in her nightgown. I laughed and made her pose for a picture to share with Edward.

I was given a very detailed description of each and every gift she received until Carlisle asked her to please put the candy down and get dressed for the day. When she ran from the room I looked at Carlisle and said, "I got a call from Edward."

"Wonderful," he smiled but didn't ask how he was doing.

I narrowed my eyes at him and heard a bell go off in my head. "You're the admitting physician, you get updates don't you?"

"I think I'll go help Lilly," he said rising from his chair.

I turned to Esme and demanded she tell me everything she knew and I noticed the look Carlisle gave her. "I'm a colleague," she said, "I can't tell you anything."

"This is bullshit and you know it. I called you for help. I deserve to be updated as much as you two do," I yelled with tears in my eyes.

"Bella, I can tell you there is nothing you need to be concerned about. Edward is working very hard and making tremendous progress. I am extremely proud of him," Carlisle said to my sad face.

"Why couldn't you just say that?" I said wiping my tears.

He laughed and gave me a big hug. Lilly came back into the room and held her hands our for her gift. Esme chastised her and I told them to stop, Christmas was for kids and she was right to be excited.

I handed her a gift and she quickly tore it open to reveal a complete manicure set with soft colored polishes. Her eyes lit up and Esme mumbled under her breath.

"Come on, she's ten, she'll be dating soon," I added to get back at them for withholding information about Edward from me.

"Lilly," Carlisle said calmly. "You may use that, but only at the table, not in your room on the carpet. And you will not be dating soon."

I handed Esme her gift and she handed one to me. I opened mine to find a gorgeous silver wedding frame. "I thought I would give you something to work towards," she laughed.

"It's beautiful, and talking to Edward today gave me hope it will actually happen." I hugged her tightly and then handed Carlisle his gift. He opened the engraved pen and smiled widely. Esme told me the exact one he was wanting, and who knew pens can cost over a hundred dollars?

I was shocked when he handed me another gift. I looked back and forth between the two of them and Esme nodded for me to open it. It was a simple school notebook of paper, with a red cover. It looked worn and abused and I opened it carefully.

"Edward actually did keep a diary, I think you should keep it to remember how far he has come," Carlisle said as I looked at the hurried handwriting. I was too engrossed to even respond, I was instantly pulled into the page I was reading.

_He sent me here just to hurt her. He hates me and wants to punish her for loving me. It would be unbearable if Bella wasn't here. She gets so pissed at me, and I love it. When I watch her smoke it drives me insane, but I can't tell her, because some sick fuck messed her up pretty good. I wish I could see him for just one minute. I would show him what happens when he touches what I want as mine. She needs me to look after her and take care of her. I wouldn't let anyone touch her again. When she smiles it is just for me and I want her so badly. I talked to Carlisle about the fight with my dad, he asked me to consider how I could have responded differently. He doesn't know shit, I'll kill my dad the next time he hurts her. Bella just walked into class, and I saw a guy look her up and down. I'll have a talk with him later. She's mine and he better learn that right now. She's MINE, MINE, MINE!_

I looked up at Carlisle with an open mouth, "Oh my God," I said softly.

"Let's eat," Esme said taking the notebook from my hand.

We enjoyed a great Christmas breakfast and I headed out to Forks to see my family before returning home late that night. I fell into bed exhausted. I dreamed of Phil again and couldn't wait for Edward to return so I could snuggle up to him when the terror came.

Alice helped me find an outfit to wear to see Edward. I didn't want something too suggestive but I wanted to look hot. She found the perfect jeans with a blouse and short sweater to go along with my heels. I was so excited to see him and even more excited to show him my tattoo.

I walked into the clinic hoping to see Edward waiting for me. Instead we were ushered into a room and told where to sit. I was comfortable in the soft overstuffed chair but I wasn't there to sit. My fingers were tapping anxiously on the arm of the chair and the other visitors began growing irritated with me.

A doctor came into the room and informed us our loved ones would be brought in, but we were to refrain from speaking to them, or touching them. Was he freaking kidding me?

The door opened and they walked in to sit across from us. My heart was ready to explode. Edward was unbelievably gorgeous. He winked at me and the world fell away. I couldn't tell you a word the doctor said. He was going over rules and plans for the evening, but I was lost in Edward's smile.

I noticed how Edward's eyes kept scanning my body and it was getting me aroused. I wanted to retaliate, so I finally moved my hand to my hip. I slowly lifted my blouse and moved the rim of my jeans down just enough to reveal a bit of the tattoo as I pretended to scratch my hip.

Edward's mouth opened in shock and he quickly brought his forefinger to his lips as he leaned back with his elbow on the arm of the chair. His eyes locked with mine and burned into me. I took a shaky breath and wanted to tell the doctor to please shut the hell up and let me pull Edward into my arms.

It soon became evident we were going to have a session and I wanted to cry from the frustration. I didn't pay attention to anything until he asked Edward to share something her learned. He sat up and cleared his throat.

"I learned to be comfortable with myself and not to find my own value through others."

I blew him a kiss and smiled proudly at him. The doctor looked at me and asked what I hoped he learned the most. I thought for a second and said, "I want the waves to stop."

Edward's eyes lowered and I knew at that moment he could still hear them. "Edward, tell Bella where you are regarding that issue," the doctor suggested.

"I no longer focus on the sound. I'm trying to replace it with other thoughts and it fades. I control it now, but it is still there."

I turned to the doctor and said with irritation, "Can I hug him, this is really cruel." The rest of the visitors agreed with me and began to grumble and complain.

Edward laughed and said, "See what I have to deal with?"

I was forced to remain in my seat patiently waiting as the doctor slowly made his way through each patient. When we were finally released I jumped from my chair and slammed into Edward before he could even stand. He fell back into the chair with me glued to his lap and to his lips.

When I finally pulled back, he held my face in his hands and whispered, "Hi."

I laughed and kissed him again and again, until he stood and pulled me from the common area. We practically ran to his room and even though we had to leave the door open, it gave us an allusion of privacy.

He began pulling on my jeans to get a look at the tattoo. "You will be the death of me," he said with a strained voice.

I unhooked my jeans and pulled them down enough to show him the tattoo. He got onto his knees to see it better and looked up at me with a huge grin, "That is so awesome," he said and then kissed my hip provocatively. He ran his tongue gently over the ink and I actually whimpered a little.

I fell back against the wall to remain standing. My eyes shut and I placed my hand in Edward's hair as he made me completely shocked and amazed. I felt horrible for not having a tattoo on the other hip. I should have gotten my entire body tattooed because he just earned that honor.

"When are you coming home?" I asked with much effort.

"Soon," he said and pulled me over him onto the bed.

I was panting and trying to give his body what he was wanting as he arched back and called my name loudly. I can't imagine life being any better than this moment. I loved him and after all our issues in life we were still here and still trying to make it work.

His eyes were now relaxed and he looked at me with love as he ran his fingers through my hair. I let my head fall on his chest and calmed my own breathing. "Bella, let's set a date," he said without hesitation.

"I so love this place," I laughed and he tightened his arms around me.

"I want to be your husband, I want to know we are a team," he said sweetly.

"Can I ask about kids, or is it a team of two?"

"If it can't happen for us, I'm okay with it, but it no longer sickens me the way it used to," he said in a whisper.

"I don't think I can have a baby," I said with tears in my eyes.

"Shhh," he said, "We don't know anything for sure, let's wait until we know to talk about it."

"What about a May wedding?" I asked him.

"If that is what you want, I'm for it all the way," he smiled.

"Bella Masen…yeah, I can live with that," I laughed.

"Bella Masen," he repeated. "It's music to my ears."

He kissed me quickly and then stood. "Let me show you around this place," he said as he pulled me up. He took my hand and gave me a tour. The dining room was set up with intimate individual tables complete with candlelight. He showed me to a table in the corner and kissed me passionately after I sat.

He went to his side of the table and reached out for my hand as soon as he sat. "I'm so glad you're here," he admitted.

"Has it been bad?" I asked.

He took a deep breath and said, "I see my mother was wrong and my father was right. I feel guilty for having so many memories of her and none of my father. I also know I use anger to make my pain tangible."

"I hate to say I told you so, but shit Edward, I told you so. And Carlisle and Esme told you, too."

"It's like telling Lilly how to solve an algorithm, and then when she learns in high school, telling her I told you so. I wasn't mature enough to hear it, now I am."

A young woman brought us a glass of sparkling cider and I laughed, "Real mature, you can't even drink."

"I think I proved my manhood earlier," he said with a sly smile which melted my heart.

"I'm staying," I announced. "I'm hiding in your shower and refusing to leave."

He laughed and stared at me with nothing but love. I didn't know how I was going to make myself leave. It was going to be heartbreaking. So I focused on other things instead.

"Do you know Dr. Aro, the guy with Jane at the gala?"

"Vaguely," he said as he looked in the air trying to remember.

"I just find it weird that a doctor would bring some street whore to a gala; the same whore that happened to be hanging out at the cemetery."

"You think Dr. Aro sent Jane after Jane?"

"No, I think he sent her after you. Would he have a reason to want you dead?" I asked.

He leaned in close and looked around the room for any eavesdroppers. "I have a computer chip in my head that is worth millions, but don't tell anyone."

I leaned in further and said, "Fu.. u.. ck you."

He fell back in laughter and every time he looked at my face he began laughing again. I was pissed and embarrassed, and didn't care if Dr. Aro sent an entire army after him. I wasn't going to try to figure out stuff anymore.

"Don't be mad, Bella," he begged and then quickly ducked his head, "Was that waitress sent to kill me?"

The young woman walked up to the table and sat a basket of breadsticks down as Edward held perfectly still. After she walked away he wiped his brow and said, "Man, that was close."

"I hate you," I mumbled as I grabbed a breadstick and took an angry bite.

He teased me all through dinner and I put up with it until the evening began moving too quickly. We stood on the back patio as the sun set, wrapped in each other's arms. I tried to take advantage of every second with him. I ran my hands under his shirt and felt the warmth of his skin. He hummed softly as he rocked us back and forth. I knew he would come home and we would be married in May, but the thought of leaving him here was hurting so badly. The bell rang overhead and I began to cry.

"No, don't cry, I can't bare it," he whispered.

"I'm so proud of you, and I love you so much."

He chuckled and said, "I love the tattoo, thank you."

I took a deep breath and smiled up at him. We kissed a couple of times and I let go of him and walked bravely out the front door.

I began the rounds of doctors once again, only this time I went from one gynecologist to the next. Everyone seemed concerned about the possible reason for the toxins and acted like I was doing something I refused to tell them about it. I was at a loss.

I finally met with Alice's fertility specialist and insisted he try everything he could to get my ovaries working. I began daily injections, me, the girl who hates needles would stick a needle into by hip every day. I used a gel that had to be inserted vaginally and I held out hope something good would come from all the discomfort.

By March I was still not ovulating and I began to get very depressed. I was told it was a side effect from all the hormone fluctuations. I felt it was from missing Edward and planning a wedding that I couldn't even discuss with the groom.

I was crying into my herbal tea when my door bell rang. I ignored it for a bit but by the third ring I finally stood and shuffled to the door. I opened it to find a huge bouquet of flowers. The young man smiled at me and I only groaned.

"Just a minute, I'll get my purse," I said as I shuffled away.

When I returned he was holding the flowers high and I had to lean my head see him. I screamed and dropped my wallet when I saw Edward standing behind the arraignment. I cried so hard he began to get really worried.

"Bella, are you sick?" he asked with fear in his eyes.

"No, I'm just ugly, why didn't you tell me you were coming."

He laughed and hugged me to his chest. "You are not ugly. You look…earthy."

I broke into loud sobs and pulled away, but he grabbed my arm and turned me so he could look at my face. "Bella, I thought you would be happy to see me, I'm sorry."

"I am happy to see you, but I look awful, and I'm bloated, and I still can't ovulate," I cried.

He ran his hand through his hair and I was sure he decided to run and was looking for the first opportunity out of there. I walked over to my desk drawer and pulled out a stack of papers from the fertility doctor and handed them to Edward.

As he read, I showered and got cleaned up. I blow dried my hair and walked into my room in a towel to find Edward lying on my bed. He smiled and I couldn't help but smile back. "Do the exorcist thing again," he said with a chuckle.

"The what?" I asked.

"Where your head spins around and you talk in an unknown language."

I picked up a shoe and threw it at him as hard as I could. He tried to dodge it and laughed so hard he could hardly speak.

"Come here, I love you no matter how possessed you are," he said holding out his arms.

"Are you still going to marry me in May?" I asked with suspicion.

"I'll marry you tonight, if you want," he said lovingly.

"Why, you don't want people seeing the monster you are marrying?" I asked in shock, completely consumed by my hormones.

"Bella, come here, I will seriously make it all better. Come let me love on you," he said and held his arms out again.

I moved numbly forward and then collapsed onto him. He sighed and buried his face in my neck as he said such wonderful things into my ear. He pushed to towel out of his way and let his hands run lightly over my body.

"You have the most amazing body, it drives me insane, I have dreamed about it for weeks," he moaned.

I pushed up and began unbuttoning his shirt and then kissed my way to his jeans. I undid them and when I pulled them down something caught my eye. I pulled his boxers lower to see a tattoo on his hip.

It was my name in script over the words, 'My only Need.' It was a gorgeous compliment to my own and I kissed it gently, repeating his reaction to mine. His arms shot out to the side and he held on tightly to the edges of the mattress.

Luckily, my moods stayed semi constant and I was able to welcome him home thoroughly. I was tucked firmly into his side as he ran his long fingers up my arm. "Bella, I need to go to Chicago and get some things done. I think I'm going to sell the house or give it to Jane. I can set up things for the foundation, like video conferencing, so I won't need to be there every month."

"Okay, when should we go?" I asked.

"I don't want you getting sick. I don't think you should come," he said and I could hear the sadness in his voice.

"I'll come and do everything you do and eat everything you eat. We really need to figure this out so I can get the right treatment."

"Yeah, but to figure it out we need to have you exposed again, I won't do that."

"Okay, then I will come and stay with Jane. I don't want to be here without you," I admitted.

He kissed me and smiled, "I don't want to be without you either, I don't think I've changed much at all."

"I have proof that you have," I said referring to the notebook.

"What's your proof?"

"An old red notebook of paper from years ago," I said and watched the recognition sink into his brain.

"I threw it away," he said in a panic.

"And who takes out the trash?" I pointed out.

"That bastard," he chuckled. "He gave it to you?"

I climbed out of bed and headed to the closet. "Walk slower," Edward yelled out to me, so I began sashaying the rest of the way, causing him to laugh. I pulled the notebook from a shelf and brought it to the bed.

I handed it to Edward and he seemed almost afraid to touch it. His hands rose slowly and he hesitantly took it from me. He looked up at me for encouragement and I nodded for him to continue. He opened up to a random page and read a few lines before shutting it tightly.

"Bella, I was a kid, a lot of this is crap from a hormonal teen," he tried to explain as he kept his eyes down.

"Edward, I know you've grown and changed. I don't think of you as that boy, but a couple of pages were pretty interesting."

He looked up at me to see if I was being serious or not. I smiled and he relaxed so I continued, "I didn't realize you really wanted to be Jake's friend, I thought you just wanted to control me through Jake."

He tossed the book aside and groaned as he ran his hand through his hair again. "I know this will shock the hell out of you, but I owe Jake an apology. "

"Not on my account," I pointed out quickly.

"I told Jake a lot of crap, I wasn't healthy and I'm sure he was only looking out for you. It took many weeks of therapy to get here, Bella. Jake was an issue I struggled with the most."

"You can forgive him, I'm not," I said adamantly.

He gave me a stern look and I could tell there was something he wanted to know. I waited for it and prayed it wouldn't be something that would put a wedge between us.

"I'm sure you told him you loved him," he finally said.

"I told him I loved that he wanted me, I wasn't worth his time," I admitted.

"Did I do that to you?" he asked.

"No, Phil did. I was a horrible wife, Edward, because he wasn't you."

He nodded and his shoulders relaxed and he seemed satisfied with the answers I gave. He picked up the papers I gave him earlier and began looking through them. I wanted him to know why I was so moody and not trying to give him false hope we could have a child.

"It doesn't seem to be working, so I should probably just stop," I said sadly.

"Do what the doctors tell you to do, I'm fine either way."

I could feel more depression coming on so I suggested we go see Esme and Carlisle. Lilly would be thrilled to see him and she would help buffer my horrible mood swings. We dressed and drove to the Cullens, only to find a school van in front of their house.

"Ah man, memories," Edward laughed.

We were going to back out of the drive way but Carlisle was taking out some trash and saw us. He came over to the car and gave Edward a big hug, insisting we come inside. I was nervous to see a bunch of messed up kids. I didn't want to ruin their hope of getting better.

Esme squealed when she saw Edward and ran into his waiting arms. She pushed him down the hallway and said, "Go surprise Lilly."

"We don't want to interrupt anything," I told her.

She grabbed my arm and pulled me into the movie room. "Kids, this is Bella Swan, she used to be a student here. Feel free to ask her any questions."

I put my hands up to stop them and gave Esme a terrified glare. A boy said, "Some old lady is supposed to motivate us."

What the f… He did not just call me an old lady? I wanted the old Edward to come in here and use the kids face to bloody his knuckles. I looked directly at him and said, "I thought the mentally handicapped were excluded from this school, how did you get in?"

The group erupted in laughter and the boy spit at me. I noticed a girl sitting across from him, full of attitude, and looking at the boy like she wanted to fix him, or spare him any pain. I knew that feeling so I said something to give her hope.

I pointed at the young man and said, "I guarantee you will be apologizing to me by May, so save yourself the grief and cut the shit. It will make it easier when you wake up and pull your head out of your ass."

"You don't know a thing about me," he said hatefully and I laughed.

"I know everything about you, because I'm marrying the guy from my group who was just like you. You're angry, so damn angry you are prone to rage, and all because you hurt so badly, and so deeply, it is the only way to ease the pain."

The boy lowered his head and refused to look at me, knowing I could see the real him. The girl looked at me and quickly looked away, too. The rest of the group was smirking with happiness that I finally got to the smart ass of the group.

"But, I will tell you something to make it hurt just a bit less," I continued. "Nobody here gives a shit about your pain, because they have their own to deal with. You are not unique; you are one of the many who needs help unloading all the crap the adults in your lives did to you. Punch all the walls you want, it just bloodies your hands, but open up your heart and it changes the rest of your life."

Edward came up behind me and circled his arms around me. "Listen to her, she was hard to crack, but she has a heart of gold," he said to the room.

I looked at the boy who finally raised his eyes to me and nodded to the tough girl looking at him painfully. "It will be worth it," I said softly to him.

He smiled and nodded as he looked at his hands. I backed out of the room, bringing Edward with me and asked about his meeting with Lilly. "She wants to marry me," he laughed.

"Swear you never slept with Angela, because the last child who loved you ended up being a relative," I laughed.

He acted like he was thinking back and finally said, "No, I don't think Angela was one of them."

Esme came running up to us, sparing Edward a knee to the groin. "Thank you, Bella, it was brilliant. I know Faith is trying to help Ryan, but he is so hard to reach."

I rolled my eyes and pointed at Edward, "No need to explain."

Edward's mouth fell open and he said with a set jaw, "I chased you, Bella."

"You just wanted my perfect breasts," I accused. "I'm talking about making changes."

He was about to defend himself but finally just laughed and nodded, "Yeah, I just wanted your breasts."

"We're leaving for Chicago," I informed Esme. "Edward is going to make Seattle permanent, so we need to make some arrangements."

"Is it wise for you to go?" she asked with a worried look.

"I'm documenting everything this time. Hopefully it will give me some answers."

She gave us a quick hug and we left to take the final step in merging our lives together.

14

I carried a small notebook and pencil to write down every single thing I did. I refused to eat anything I didn't prepare myself or could see being prepared. Edward seemed to be watching my every step, determined to make sure I didn't have another setback.

We went right to his house and I sat in the office with him as he called a moving company for an appointment. He set up a meeting with his lawyer to get a trust set up for Jane. He called his accountant to get his funds changed to a bank in Seattle. His last call was to the foundation to set up an emergency meeting of the board.

I watched him work so confidently and with such professionalism it was hard to keep my hands off of him. I finally got so bored I told him I was going to pack up the mess in the attic. He followed me up there to see the boxes of his life strewn all over the place.

"We can have this stuff thrown in the trash," he offered.

"No way, it is all your baby things, I want to keep them," I said.

"It will take you two days to fix all of this," he pointed out.

"So, what else do I have to do?" I walked over and picked up a box just as the doorbell rang.

"Come on," Edward said.

"Why, I'm fixing this."

"I thought we were doing everything together so we know what happens to you?" he pointed out.

I took a deep breath and dropped the box to follow him to the door. It was the moving company and we began moving from room to room showing what he wanted packed and shipped to Seattle. I had no idea where to put his piano, but we would work it out somehow.

The furniture we didn't want to move would be offered to Jane or sold. It took us over two hours to make it through each room. When we were finished he asked us about the garage and attic contents. We walked into the garage and Edward asked if I wanted to drive back to Seattle of have the car shipped.

It really depended on my health at the time, so we made arrangements to have it shipped, just in case. Then we headed to the attic. The poor man saw the mess and his eyes widened.

"I'm going to re-box the stuff, you won't need to do it," I assured him.

He walked over and looked around a bit and then said, "I can't take this because of the mothballs."

Edward and I stared at him dumbly, having no idea why he would refuse to take boxes because of mothballs.

"Naphthalene is highly toxic, we don't move toxic material," he said adamantly.

My heart dropped into my stomach. "Toxic, how?" I asked in a soft voice.

"It can cause nausea, liver damage, blood in the urine, red cell damage…."

I turned and ran from the attic, through the house, and into the yard before taking another breath. I was stunned to find out it was the baby things that made it impossible to have a baby. The irony was too much and I fell onto my knees in tears.

Edward came walking out and I could tell by his face he was fighting his need for rage. He stood in front of me and each time our eyes met his anger got kicked up a notch. The mover came outside to see our reactions and asked if we were okay. What a funny thing to ask. How could we be okay? Edward's mother continued to hurt him from beyond the grave. Her obsession with him made it where I could never have his child. I wanted her to have to see what she did to him, but revenge wouldn't solve anything.

Edward finally turned to the man and said, "Burn it all, burn it to the ground."

"Sorry mister, but I can't do that," he said nervously.

"No, you can't, but I can," Edward said in his calm terrifying way.

I didn't want to stop him, I wanted to see it burn the way Phil burned. I wanted to punish the house for taking so much away from us. It took away our children and it left Edward's chest scarred. It brought back my nightmares of Phil and haunted Jane in the dark.

"Mister," the man said hesitantly, "If you burn it the toxin releases into the air, I think you need to bulldoze it."

I reached up for Edward's hand and brought him down to face me. "Let's get away from here and make the right decision. We can't do it now, we need some distance."

Edward nodded and thanked the man profusely for giving us the answer we had been searching for, even if it was not what we wanted to hear. We would call him if we still needed things moved. We drove to a hotel and I called my doctor in Seattle to give him the information.

I set up an appointment to meet with him when I returned and then sat on the bed and cried in Edward's arms. He cried along with me and when he tried to apologize I stopped him.

"You are not culpable for anything, don't apologize to me," I insisted. "In fact you most likely saved me. If you hadn't insisted I come downstairs with you I would have been up there the entire time, being exposed again."

"I hate that house," he said with a strained voice. "I hate everything about it."

"I want to go home," I said with a sob.

"Okay, I'll put you on a flight. I have to meet with the board tomorrow, so I can't leave just yet."

"No, I want to be with you. I'll come to the meeting and then we can leave," I said as I clung to him.

"I have to meet with Jane in an hour, do you want to come or just rest? he asked.

"I'll come, I want to see her."

I tried to clean up several times, but always ended up in tears again, so I gave up. We walked into his lawyer's office and I hugged Jane tightly.

"What's wrong," she said seeing my swollen eyes.

I realized at that moment I had inadvertently exposed Jane when I hid us in the attic. "Jane, your flu, what were your symptoms?"

"I was throwing up and," her voice lowered, "I was bleeding."

"Blood in your urine?" I clarified.

"Yeah."

"You need to go to a doctor and tell him you were exposed to toxic levels of mothballs," I said in a panic.

Jane laughed and then could see I wasn't kidding. "Am I going to die?" she asked with wide eyes.

"No, but you need to let a doctor know. Hopefully one exposure didn't do too much damage."

Edward stepped forward and pulled Jane into his arms, "I'm sorry I didn't protect you better."

She closed her eyes and let her head rest on his chest. "I'm so glad you're my brother. I've always loved you like a brother."

I looked at him and laughed, remembering how he tried to pass her off as a girlfriend, certain she was in love with him all along.

When the lawyer came in we began discussing assets. It was then I learned of Edward's true wealth. Hell, he could bulldoze the damn house and build a mansion to replace it. I realized Edward was never about the money. He never boasted of his wealth or lived extravagantly. I loved him even more.

He was generous to Jane and her mother and whenever he asked me about something I agreed with what he wanted. The house on the island was given to Jane, he would never return to a place that tortured him so much. He also offered anything in the house we just ran from to her mother. Maybe she had fonder memories than Edward did.

He insisted the house be destroyed and offered to have another one built for Jane and her mother. A place Jane could raise her own kids in someday. When everything was settled we went to dinner. I watched Edward and Jane interact like a real brother and sister. They had a history going back for years and it made me smile.

Edward and I ordered wine and when she tried to order a Pepsi he turned to the waiter, "Bring her just a water."

"I can order for myself," she insisted.

"You get hyper on caffeine, you'll never get to sleep," he insisted.

"Why should you care when I go to sleep, bring me the Pepsi," she said to the waiter.

"You'll be up all night," he mumbled and she laughed at him.

"Remember the night of whipped cream?" she asked him when the waiter left.

He laughed and looked at me. "We snuck into the cans of whipped cream, and ate three cans. Jane was so sick the next day, so I blamed the whole thing on her."

"You didn't, your mom did." Jane turned to look at me, "Nothing was ever Edward's fault. He was perfect," she said using her fingers to make air quotes.

"It was your idea," he pointed out.

"I was six," she yelled at him. "And you know what; your father took me to FAO Schwarz and let me pick out a toy."

He took her hand in his and smiled, "I'm glad, you deserved his love."

The mood suddenly became very somber and she said, "Edward, he loved you very much. I watched him cry over you many times."

"Thank you," he said softly and then took a big sip of the wine when it arrived.

We both had a restless night and I was anxious to get home to my own bed. Edward looked beat the next day when we left for the board meeting. I leaned against him in the elevator and kissed him several times. When it stopped on the right floor he pulled me tighter and let the door close again.

"You're going to be late," I laughed.

"I'm the guy in charge. I can be as late as I want," he said and deepened the kiss.

I melted, totally and completely in love with him. When we finally made it back to the right floor we had to force ourselves apart. Edward took my hand and led me to a large room with men and women in suits sitting around a huge table. My eyes instantly locked onto Dr. Aro's.

Edward introduced me and I sat in a chair behind him as he sat at the head of the table. He informed them of our decision to reside in Seattle and began talking about how that would affect the foundation. Everyone was very vocal and I didn't follow the conversation. My focus was on Dr. Aro, as I tried to read his every expression.

He didn't show any sign of nerves or worry, or even concern about the ability of the foundation to function with Edward living elsewhere. It was finally decided to draft new bylaws allowing Edward to oversee things with another board member being the actual person in charge.

I was tired of sitting and ready to get out of there by the time the meeting adjourned. When people began standing I made my way over to Dr. Aro.

"Hello, I haven't seen you since the gala," I smiled.

'Nice to see you again, I didn't get a chance to tell you how much I enjoyed your song, Elizabeth would have loved it."

"You knew her well?" I asked.

"Only through her foundation, I joined the board when she was still running things."

"Do you happen to have a business card? I would love to call your secretary, Jane, and ask about the shoes she wore that night," I tried to sound as casual as possible, but he tensed and looked around the room nervously.

"I guess it is not really work related, maybe I should just call her at her home. Do you have her number or can you give me her last name?" I pushed further.

He took hold of my arm and pulled me to the corner of the room. I was just about to yell out for Edward when I saw the pain in Dr. Aro's eyes. "Jane was not my secretary," he admitted.

I was about to say, 'No shit, Sherlock,' but he continued on with his confession. "Jane is my daughter and I'm afraid she is not making the best…..choices, in her life."

"Do you know where she is?" I asked.

"No, I had arranged to put her in rehab, but she ran."

Edward walked up at that point and I took his hand, "Honey, Dr. Aro is Jane's father."

The look on Edward's face was priceless. He looked shocked, and then angry, and finally sheepish. He chuckled a bit and gave me a sideways glance. I wanted to scream, 'in your face, Masen,' but it was not the time for gloating. That would come later.

I sat on Edward's lap while he called the detective over our case. I listened as he gave him all the details regarding Jane and her father. We were asked to come to the station and promised they would bring in Dr. Aro for questioning.

We sat in a warm, stuffy room and answered question after question about the night Edward first met Jane. Some parts were fuzzy, since he was very drunk, and it was a reminder of how far Edward had come since that night. When we were left alone in the room I moved over to sit on his lap.

"I love you," I said with a smile.

"Even after listening to my failed attempt to procure a prostitute?" he asked in shame.

"It's the 'failed attempt' I'm choosing to concentrate on, and the fact you called me," I said and kissed his nose.

"I'm sorry for teasing you about this being bigger than what we originally thought," he admitted.

"I deserved it, for the hormonal crap I put you through."

"I think I'm going to ask Carlisle to be my best man," he said out of the blue to make me love him even more.

"Ah, that's wonderful. I'll ask Esme to be my Matron of honor."

"We can always head to Vegas," he suggested.

"Oh, I am going to make a huge deal out of the fact I finally get to have you for keeps."

"I'm not an object you get to own," he teased, making fun of his own issues.

"Damn, I was hoping to keep you in a cage next to the bed, naked of course, and at my beck and call."

He laughed and wiggled his eyebrows, "I live to serve."

I leaned in for a kiss just as the door opened, causing Edward and I both to jump like two teenagers getting caught by our parents. The officer asked us to follow him and we entered a room with Dr. Aro looking distraught.

"I can't apologize enough, Edward. I had no idea what happened to you," he said.

Edward tensed at the thought of admitting he picked up the man's daughter for sex, he was terrified and embarrassed. I decided to save him the pain and spoke up. "Edward offered Jane a place to sleep one night. I showed up and kicked her out, I made sure to give her money so she could get a room."

He smiled softly, "I'm aware of my daughter's occupation."

I blushed and added, "I just wanted you to know Edward did not have sex with her."

"I think it was my fault she sought you out," he said to Edward. "I heard…rumors you spent a lot of time at your mother's grave. I mentioned it in front of Jane."

"Please, forget it. I don't blame you," he said and then smirked at me.

Okay, the guy didn't actually send his daughter to assassinate Edward, but he was indirectly involved. I was right, a little.

We headed to Seattle in Edward's car, but didn't make it far. We were emotionally worn out and needed some time to decompress. We lay in bed and went over wedding details. When I began talking about cakes he laughed and shut his eyes.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"I really don't care about this kind of stuff, pick what you want," he said with a yawn.

"Alice will just pick it anyway," I admitted and snuggled up to his side.

"Just tell me when and where, and I'll show up," Edward said softly.

"Your enthusiasm is flattering," I said cynically.

He raised his head and looked at me in surprise. "You don't think I'm excited?"

I sat my hand on his crotch and said, "No, you're not."

He laughed hard and laid his head back down in exhaustion. "The day you become my wife will be the best day of my life, and not because I want you surgically attached to me, although I do," he chortled, "But because you actually want to be my wife, and I find that amazing."

"We have some rough days ahead," I warned, thinking of our infertility problems and dealing with the guilt it will produce in both of us.

"You mean it's not smooth sailing from here on out?"

"You're such an idiot," I said sleepily.

"You chose me, what does that make you?" he slurred, trying to stay coherent enough to respond.

"Blinded by love," I said and drifted off to the sound of his soft laughter.

We made it home in four days and had to go crazy with wedding plans to get everything ready by May tenth. Luckily, Alice had been preparing behind my back and had the food and decorations already lined up. We kept everything really simple, Lilly was the flower girl and Carlisle and Esme stood up with us.

Jane flew in with her mother and it was great for Edward to have family there. We sent invitations to only a select few and announcements to business associates. The Cullen's deck served as the chapel and music written by Edward played softly in the background. I didn't do the whole walk down the aisle thing. I simply let my father lead me by the hand to where Edward was standing.

Everyone laughed when I had to ask Lilly to please step away from my groom, so I could stand next to him. We exchanged simple vows and kissed passionately when our dream became a reality, we were married.

The people gathered all stood and clapped vigorously until a scream rang over the applause. Edward and I tensed and looked for where it was coming from. We couldn't see a thing, but we could hear a plethora of profanity rise above the crowd.

"Son-of-a-bitch, holy shit, my damn water broke," tiny Alice yelled.

The crowd parted to expose Alice, ballooning at the waist, standing in complete shock.

"I told you," Rosalie yelled loudly. "It is already two days past your due date."

"I had a wedding to plan," Alice yelled as if the world should stop spinning for one of her parties.

"What should we do?" Jasper asked, suspecting his wife would ignore the child trying to come into the world and continue on.

"Go have a baby, asshole," Emmett yelled at them.

"Have the baby here," Lilly begged.

Alice's eyes shot open wide and she grabbed her stomach and cried out in pain. "You said it didn't hurt," she yelled at Rose with tears in her eyes.

Rosalie laughed heartily, "I lied; it hurts a lot."

"Excuse me, but can you please get out of the middle of my wedding, and drip elsewhere," I yelled at them both.

"I want her to have the baby here," Lilly pouted.

Esme grabbed the photographer and said, "Hurry, everyone line up for a picture before they leave."

We all squeezed together for a few shots as Alice tried to smile and not appear to be suffering from severe constipation. Jasper forced her to leave the party; most likely terrified he would end up delivering the baby.

We finally invited everyone to begin eating and made our rounds to the tables under the small tent. I could see Jake and Leah sitting with my parents and hoped Edward wouldn't insist we stop there. I got tears in my eyes when Jane hugged Edward tightly and told him she was so proud. He kissed her cheek and thanked her for coming. I watched as he hugged her mother, refusing to blame her for what happened with his father.

He had grown so much and I knew we were going to make it through anything. And the very next moment Edward proved it to me. Jake tapped him on the shoulder and I tried to get between them. Edward laughed and moved me aside before hugging Jake firmly.

Leah and I stared in disbelief and quickly felt guilty for not even being civil to each other.

"Congratulations," she said looking at her feet.

"Yeah, thanks," I mumbled back.

Jake nodded at me and asked Edward, "Can I give her a hug?"

"Don't push it," Edward said and pulled me into his side.

Both men laughed and I looked at Edward in shock. "Jake and I went for a drink last week," he admitted.

I looked at Jane and quickly asked, "Did Edward have a twin?"

She giggled and said, "He could, he had a sister we never knew about."

"I told you, I've grown," he laughed and pulled me to the next table.

"This is not growth, Edward; this is body snatcher, pod people, shit."

"Shut up and thank our guests," he said as he shook Seth's hand.

After the luncheon everyone was anxious to get to the hospital to see if Alice had her baby. I changed from my gown in one of the guest rooms and was headed down the hallway when the doorbell rang.

I opened it to find the young girl I saw at the Cullens on movie night. "Hi, you probably don't remember me, but I'm Bella Sw…um…Masen," I laughed at the realization it was indeed my name now.

I saw her eyes fill with tears and she said, "Can I talk to you?"

"Me?" I asked in shock, "Wouldn't you rather have Esme?"

"No, I came here looking for you," she admitted.

I stood back and let her enter the room and motioned for her to follow me to Carlisle's office. I didn't sit at his desk; I wouldn't dare try to fill his shoes. "What did you need to see me about?" I asked.

"Esme always says I remind her of you," she said and blushed.

"And you want me to tell her to stop," I joked.

"I want you to tell me what you would do in my situation," she said softly.

"Oh, I'm sorry to joke. I'll listen, I promise."

"I've been…seeing….Ryan, and we haven't been…careful…." She was struggling to get the words out so I made it easier.

"How late are you?"

"Three months," she admitted as tears fell.

"Do your parents know?" I asked as delicately as possible.

"I just have a mom, and yeah, she knows."

"Do you want to keep the baby?" I asked.

She looked at me as if admitting to a horrible crime, "I don't want to be a mother yet."

"Faith, it is a very mature thing to say. Please don't think you're wrong to feel that way. Lilly is the child of someone I knew at the school. It was the bravest and the smartest thing she did, giving Lilly to the Cullens."

Faith nodded and said something to tilt my world on its axis. "I want you to adopt my baby."

I tried to smile, but my entire body had locked up in shock. I couldn't respond and just stared at her.

"I just think someone like me would be perfect, unless you don't want my baby," she said dropping her head again.

I had to swallow a couple of times to have enough saliva to speak. "I got married today," I said with no idea why that was what I started with. "I can't have children, did Esme tell you that?"

"No, she doesn't know. It just came to me one night in a dream, I know it sounds really stupid but a woman came to me all dressed in yellow and told me to give my baby to you."

I wasn't the type of person to believe Elizabeth was working from heaven to make things up to Edward, I actually didn't believe she even could, but something made Faith's subconscious think of me for her baby and I needed to consider that in my decision.

"Would you mind if I go get my husband?" I asked, needing his strength right now.

She nodded and I walked stoically down the hallway looking for Edward. I saw him across the room with Emmett and one look at my face sent him running over to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he held onto me.

I looked into his eyes and couldn't even form a sentence, ramblings were coming out of my mouth and I was beginning to scare him. "Are you sick?" he asked.

"No, I think your mom sent us a baby," I finally managed to say.

15

Edward was silent as he sat in Carlisle's chair listening to me talk to Faith. I could see his jaw was tight but I had no idea what he was thinking. I prayed Faith wouldn't bring up the dream. Edward had tried so hard to work his mother out of his life. I didn't know if he would welcome her intrusion or collapse under the idea.

Faith explained to us that Ryan was not someone she wanted to continue seeing while they were so young and he was supportive of her decision. She wanted to go to college and have a shot at a good life, not stuck as a single mom without an education. I had a million questions, but didn't know where to start until Edward spoke up.

"You haven't asked why Bella and I were at the school," he pointed out to her.

"It doesn't matter," she answered, "If Carlisle and Esme love you; you must be something special."

I felt fresh tears form and even Edward was thrown aback by the comment. He was positive she was after money or something, but now he wasn't so sure.

"I have to admit to you, Faith," Edward said, "I was adamantly against having kids, until just a few months ago."

"So was I," she said looking him in the eyes, "But knowing one is coming tends to give you a new perspective. I grew up pretty fast, maybe you can, too."

He laughed and looked at me, "Esme was right, she is just like you."

"Faith, I don't want you to feel like we don't want your child, it is more a matter of us feeling worthy to raise a child. It is hard for us to think of ourselves as the best solution, maybe a baby changes that, but we want you to see our flaws and not think of us as perfect."

"We have our completion ceremony next week. I need to know something before I go home. Can you think about it and let me know?" she asked, still adamant in her decision.

"Let me give you a ride back to the school," Edward offered and walked her to the door.

"I'll have Esme arrange a meeting by the end of school," I told her and hugged her tightly. "You are a very brave girl."

She gave me an awkward smile and left with Edward. The house was empty and only the party planners were here cleaning up. I sat in a chair, stunned that I got a husband and a possible child on the same day, which also would be the day Alice's baby would be born. I began to laugh and a young man boxing up food gave me a funny look.

I grabbed Lilly's baby book off the shelf and looked at the ecstatic faces of Carlisle and Esme. I wanted that, and could only hope Edward would agree. When he returned his face looked stressed and I didn't want to fight on our wedding day. I reached out and ran my finger over his lips to make him smile.

"Let's not talk about it, I want some time with my gorgeous husband," I said and he looked instantly relieved.

"Mrs. Masen," he said aloud.

"Where," I asked looking around me.

He laughed and pulled me tightly against his body, kissing me seductively right in front of the wait staff. They began to whistle and cheer when Edward's hands ended up on my ass. I pushed him away and grabbed his hand and rushed from the house.

We planned a honeymoon at a remote cabin in Alaska. I didn't want any waves to torment Edward so cool mountain air sounded perfect. We called Rosalie several times from the airport, but Alice's baby had not arrived.

It was so late by the time we finally got a car at the airport and made it to the cabin. I was almost frothing at the mouth to get Edward into bed and make love to him as my husband. The moment we were inside the door, I began pulling on his clothing.

"Let me make a fire first," he begged and I stared at him in shock.

"How long will that take?" I asked with a pout.

He walked to the fireplace and hit a switch. A fire roared to life and he pounded on his chest. "Strong man, make fire."

"Let's see how good you are at lighting my fire," I challenged him.

"Show me the switch," he said with his eyebrows raised.

"If you don't know where it is, I want a divorce."

He walked up and pulled me close with one hand and began very impressive maneuvers with his other, "The divorce is off," I moaned and he picked me up in his arms and carried me to the bedroom.

It was a little past midnight when the phone rang to tell us Alice had a beautiful baby boy named Jackson Jasper Whitlock. Mother and baby were good and we both laughed when we heard Alice was already walking around the floor.

The call brought up the elephant in the room. We were in bed and both thinking about Faith, so Edward finally brought it up.

"Bella, do you feel ready to be a mother?"

"I don't know, do you ever feel ready for it? Maybe it is something you want or don't want. Do you want to be a father, Edward?"

"I look at Lilly and I can see how rewarding it would be, but I am so thankful Carlisle is her father, not me."

"Oh, honey, you would be an amazing father, look how Lilly and Jane are drawn to you. There's no guarantees in life, you will be the best father you are capable of being, that's all you can do."

He squeezed me and I sighed. "Bella, you are my wife, you actually married me."

I giggled and held my hand up to look at my rings. He raised his left hand and placed it by mine. "You're all mine," I said.

"I like the sound of that," he whispered.

"Maybe we can keep it just the two of us, for awhile," I said to calm him.

He rolled me over and looked down at me. "I'm so sorry you have to be dealing with all this pain."

I placed my finger on his lips and shook my head. "No sorry allowed. I fell madly in love with you when you pulled out your cigarette's and sat across from me."

"I was such an ass," he said.

"You were such a hot ass," I laughed.

"I'll show you hot ass," he chuckled and kissed me into oblivion.

The week went by quickly and I was sad to leave the world where only Edward and I existed. I was excited to see Alice's baby, but I knew we had a painful decision waiting for us. I had decided at the cabin not to push Edward. If he wasn't ready, I would tell Faith to find someone else.

When we got home and unpacked I finally took a deep breath and said, "Edward, I need to see Faith before the completion ceremony tomorrow, if you are not ready I totally understand, and I won't mention it again."

He took a long moment before speaking and finally looked up at me. "I'm not ready," he said with a painful expression.

"Okay," I smiled with tears in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, love," he said as he wiped my eyes.

"Don't be, it's fine, really."

My heart was slowly breaking. Carlisle and Esme waited years for Lilly to come along and maybe this was our one shot at having a baby. I wanted him to be ready, but he wasn't and I would respect that. I now had to do something very painful. I had to go visit Alice and see her son, and then tell Faith I couldn't be the mother she wanted me to be.

"Can you come with me to Alice's? I don't want to make it weird for you," I told him.

"I'll come, they've been very good to you over the years," he admitted.

We drove in silence to their home, and even though it had only been a week Alice answered the door and jumped up and down at the sight of us. We walked into the family room to see Jasper rocking his son. I pretended the tears were ones of happiness.

We both commented on how beautiful he was and Alice quickly pulled me from the room to see the nursery. She had gone over the top, making the room look like a scene from a Dr. Seuss book. It made you smile just to be in the room.

Her style was so opposite from Rose's. Houston's room was classic and very organized. Jackson's was fun and energetic. I couldn't help but wonder what my child's would have been like. I could feel the tears forming and turned to Alice and said, "I'm so happy for you, this is what you waited so long for."

"Thanks you, Bella, it will be your turn soon," she said, having no idea how much it hurt.

We headed back into the family room and I was stunned to see Edward sitting in the rocking chair holding the baby.

"Just so you know," Edward said to Alice, "You're married to a con man."

"How did you do that?" I asked Jasper.

"Edward believed there was an emergency in the kitchen," Jasper laughed.

"He told me there was a grease fire and threw the baby at me," Edward explained.

Alice grabbed her camera and took a picture then insisted on printing it that very moment. She came back and proudly handed me a picture that send me into hysterics. Edward stood carefully and handed Jasper the baby before pulling me into his arms.

"I'm sorry, it has been a tough day for Bella," Edward said to our friends.

"Don't push this off on me," I said angrily, "We made the decision together."

"I didn't mean it was tough only for you. Do you think I enjoy knowing I'm too screwed up to be a father?" he answered just as angrily.

"You've spent a lot of time and money to get unscrewed, when is enough going to be enough?" I asked loudly.

"I don't think you can get _unscrewed,_" Alice said with a furrowed brow. "I mean once you've been screwed, you are pretty much screwed. You can be screwed badly, or quickly, or even forcibly, but you can't be unscrewed."

Edward and I both stared at her in utter amazement. I had no idea how Jasper did it, she was like a battery operated toy that never ran out of batteries. We both apologized for bringing our drama into their home and said our goodbyes.

I was in no shape to face Faith and decided to put it off until the next morning. Surely she would know my decision since I didn't show. I got ready for bed and sat against my pillows, reading. Edward came into the room and said softly, "Bella, are you going to punish me for being honest."

I looked at him and tried to be honest too, "No, I'm not, but I am entitled to be disappointed. You're not ready and that makes me sad. We both have to deal with the other's emotions."

He nodded and began to undress. His boxers were hanging low and I saw his tattoo. I sat my book down and walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "I love you with all that I am," I said into his eyes.

"You're my only need," he whispered to me.

"I really need you to show me how much you love me," I said with tears.

He ran his hand through my hair and looked into my eyes before nodding with a slight smile. He pulled my nightgown over my head and sucked in a shallow breath. He looked at my body and ran his finger over my own tattoo. "It overwhelms me, the amount of love I have for you," he said as he continued to look me up and down.

I took hold of his fingers and led him to the bed. He loved me slowly, keeping his eyes open to watch my every response to him. I was holding him to my chest, running my fingers through his hair when he suddenly called my name.

"Yes," I said softly.

He sat up and looked at me in shock. "It's gone, I don't hear it anymore, it's totally gone."

The realization that Edward won the battle over the waves was awe-inspiring for him. He laughed at first and then cried from relief. His life was moving forward and he was learning to be his own man. I hoped I would see some changes, starting with his ability to believe he could be a father.

I woke up during the night to see a light on in the other room. I reached for Edward but he wasn't there. My nightgown was still lying on the floor so I picked it up and pulled it over my head, before headed out to find Edward.

He was sitting on the couch staring at the picture Alice took of him and Jackson. I waited for his eyes to meet mine and I raised my eyebrows. He patted the spot next to him and I walked over to sit.

"What's going on?" I asked him.

"I don't know, I can't let it go. I don't feel ready to be a father, but it just seems…."

"Right?" I offered.

He leaned his head onto my shoulder and sighed, "I am so afraid of making the wrong decision."

"I can't make it for you, Edward."

"A baby, God, that is terrifying," he said.

I laughed and nodded in agreement. "It would change everything," I warned him.

"We would have to move in with Carlisle and Esme," he teased.

I picked up the picture and looked at the joy on Edward's face as he stared at Jackson. I knew he would be a great father, he just didn't know it. We talked through the rest of the night about the pros and cons of becoming parents. We didn't talk specifically about Faith, but on more general terms.

We fell asleep as the sun began to rise, lying entwined on the couch. I was awakened by a phone ringing and Edward reached out to answer. I could tell he was talking to Esme and I looked up when he told her we would see her at two.

"What time is it?" I asked, hoping I had time to get dressed.

"Eleven," he answered and lay back down on the couch.

"What did she want?" I asked.

"We need to meet with Faith, she's asking for us."

I held perfectly still trying to judge Edward's reaction. His arms tightened around me and he said, "Let's just see what she has to say, okay?"

"Sure," I agreed and stayed in his arms for another half an hour before getting up and making us something to eat and then jumping in a shower.

We showed up at the school and headed right to Esme's office. Faith jumped up right when we walked in and grabbed my hand. "She came again, the lady in my dream, and I'm supposed to tell you it will all work out."

I glanced at Edward and hoped he wouldn't ask Faith what she meant and then smiled at Faith.

She began talking very fast, "I'm not like that, you know, into other- worldly shit. I'm a regular girl just trying to make it in the world, but this baby is for you, Bella."

I brought her back to her chair and sat next to her. "Edward and I have been talking about it all night. We are just not sure."

"I'm not crazy, I promise," she said adamantly.

Edward chuckled, "I think the issue is our sanity, not yours."

She looked at us both and then let her head fall. "I don't want to push you," she said sadly.

"Faith, I can understand why you want Bella, but why me?" Edward asked her pointedly.

She shook her head and whispered, "I don't want to tell you."

"You won't hurt my feelings," he said.

"It's not that, I had a dream, a lady came to me and told me who to give my baby to."

"What if she comes in a couple of months and tells you to give it to someone else?" he asked.

"I don't think that will happen, I think she knows you guys, she is so sure it belongs to you."

"Don't you think she would come to us?" he said softly, trying not to upset Faith.

"I don't know; has a lady in yellow come to you?"

Edward's face instantly paled and he sat back quickly. I cursed under my breath and looked at Esme for help. She held up her finger, telling me to give him a moment.

"Faith," he said quietly, "May we talk with Esme alone for a moment?"

She got up and walked from the room, looking back at Edward before walking out the door. He held his hands up in defeat and asked, "What am I supposed to do with that information?"

"She had a dream, that's all," Esme assured him.

His hands pulled into fists and then he took a deep breath and flexed his fingers a couple of times. He laughed in anger and said, "Wow, this is really testing me."

"Are you angry at Faith?" Esme asked.

He shook his head back and forth and finally said, "I thought I was done dealing with her. Is this just more control? Hell, she's dead and still fucking up my life."

"Or apologizing," Esme offered.

"You don't believe this, do you?" he said in shock.

"No Edward, I don't. It is a young girl who is scared and trying to do the best she can, she had a dream, end of story."

He nodded and turned to look at me. "Looks like we don't have much of a choice, my mother told her it's our baby," he said appalled.

"It's a child, a baby who deserves to be loved. Can you love a child or not, that is all I want to know?"

He sat in deep thought for several moments and finally got on his knees in front of me and took my hands in his, "Bella, I know this hurts. I know you want a baby, but something in my gut tells me not this one. I can't explain it; I just know it to be true. I am asking you to trust in me, please."

I could tell in his eyes he was speaking from his heart. He needed me to believe in him, even if it costs us our one chance for a child. I leaned over to kiss him lightly. "It's your call, I trust you," I told him.

He looked at Esme and said, "I'm taking Bella home, can you talk to Faith?"

"Yes, and please don't stress about the decision. If it feels right to you, it doesn't matter what others say."

I drove home in a daze. I had to believe my happiness would always lie in Edward. Without him I would be miserable. We continued on the best we could and when I had a doctor's appointment the first of June, he willingly came.

I sat in the complimentary paper robe, after giving the always pleasant urine sample, with Edward tapping his foot annoyingly on the floor. I was relieved when the doctor entered the room so I something else to focus on.

"Bella, I looked over you last labs compared to the ones previously and the red cells are up significantly. Luckily, with time the damage may be expelled naturally from your body. We can do follow up…."

A nurse opened the door and showed the doctor a note. He gave her a shocked look and then stood. "I'm sorry Bella; I need to attend to something. Heidi will draw some blood and I will be back soon." He walked out of the room and I exhaled loudly. It looked like it would be a long appointment.

The nurse drew blood and Edward laughed at my squeamish reaction. I had to lie back so I wouldn't pass out. I was almost asleep when the doctor finally returned. Edward was reading a magazine and reluctantly put it down.

"Okay, I want to do a sonogram check on your ovaries and uterus, can you follow me to the next room?"

Edward held out his hand for mine and helped me off the table. I was holding the paper gown closed in front and he laughed and tried to pull it from my hands. The medical profession was so skewed to favor the male gender.

I climbed onto another table and hissed when cold gel was applied to by abdomen. The technician looked closely at my tattoo and smiled at Edward. "Show her yours, honey," I said to him.

"It's in a very intimate place, I'm sure she doesn't want to see it," he teased and the woman turned red.

"He's full of it," I told her and she laughed.

She began running a wand over my skin and clicking off measurements on the machine. The doctor came in and stood behind her as she kept pointing at things without speaking. I was beginning to get very nervous and so was Edward.

When she finished we were led back into the exam room and the doctor sat in front of us with a funny expression. "Bella, when did you stop using the ovulation medication?"

I looked at Edward and said, "When did you get home, mid March?"

He nodded and the doctor looked back at his files and then up at both of us. "Well, I can say it was long enough because you are one hundred percent pregnant."

I gasped and looked quickly at Edward. His head was down as if he was praying, or trying to contain his anger. When his head slowly rose I saw tears in his eyes. I still didn't know if he was enraged or happy.

"All your measurements match up to a pregnancy of nine weeks. Have you had any symptoms?"

"None," I said still too stunned to accept the news. "Could I have problems from the poisoning?"

"Everything appears perfectly normal, the embryo implanted firmly and the placenta is working and the baby is growing. I don't think you have anything to worry about," he said with a smile.

"Edward, are you happy?" I asked in fear.

"No, I'm not happy, I'm out of this world, beyond the moon, head over heels, ecstatic," he laughed and kissed me roughly.

"I'll never doubt you, ever," I said as I sobbed in his arms.

The doctor interrupted our celebration and brought up my biggest fear. "I think we should do an amniocentesis, just to make sure everything is good."

"What specifically are you thinking?" I asked him, not sure if I could handle the information. Edward put his arm around my shoulder to bolster me.

"I want to make sure the embryo came from a healthy egg. I am assuming it did, or you would have most likely had a spontaneous abortion without even realizing you were pregnant. I'm just being overly cautious," he said to ease my concerns.

There are several moments in my relationship with Edward which stand out; little circumstances where I fell in love with him all over again. The reason I love him was never more apparent than the day we got the results of the test.

I was so nervous and he was letting me lean on him, literally. I sat in my own chair but my upper body was leaning against Edward's side as he held me tightly. The doctor walked into his office and smiled.

"I won't make you suffer, the test showed everything is healthy and fine," he said before sitting.

I began to cry and I heard Edward exhale loudly.

"Would you like to know the sex of the child?" he asked.

Edward and I looked at each other and both shrugged. "Do you want to be surprised?" I asked him.

"Not really, I think it will be good to know ahead of time," he answered.

The doctor wrote something down on a pad and sat it upside down on his desk. "I will give you some time alone, if you want to know, turn over the paper."

We stared at the little square of paper, both too nervous to pick it up. Finally Edward had a suggestion. "I'll count to three and we both lift it up." I nodded as he began to count.

I screamed as I read the word, 'girl'. Edward laughed and pulled me in for a kiss. He moved back and held my face in his hands staring at me intently. "Bella, I swear to you I will always protect her, no man will ever abuse her."

I grabbed him and held on tightly, feeling safer than I had ever felt in my life. I truly loved him with all that I am. He changed my life at that moment, by promising to protect our daughter. I would never be able to express how much his words meant to me, he gave me everything with that one sentence.

**I want to explain why Edward didn't want the baby. When I made the outline for this story they were going to take the baby and then end up pregnant later. I have learned when writing, the characters take on a life of their own and don't always do what you expect….anyway, Edward would NOT take this baby no matter how I tried to write it and I couldn't figure out why, until I realized it was because his mother was involved. He had finally grown enough to rely on HIS instincts and not hers. HE would make decision regarding his own family and not his mother, if that makes sense?**

16

It was time to tell our loved ones about our news. I made it through the first trimester without so much as an upset stomach. Edward came up with a great idea. We invited everyone to a dinner party and borrowed Lilly's easy bake oven.

The table was decorated in pastels and the easy bake oven was the centerpiece. Right before the first guest arrived, Edward put a hamburger bun in the oven. We acted like it was a dinner to celebrate our home together as a married couple. Nobody seemed the wiser.

Lilly complimented our decorations and Alice gave me a pitiful look. Once we finished eating Edward brought out a covered dish full of cupcakes decorated in pink. We stood together at the head of the table.

"Bella and I would like to announce some very important news," Edward said.

"You're moving away?" my mother said sadly, like she was expecting the news at any moment.

"No, we're not moving," I said to soothe her but Edward turned to look at me.

"I think we should look at moving, I mean, it will be better for…all."

I smiled and nodded toward the table. "Later," I muttered.

"I thought Edward was making Washington permanent?" Rosalie challenged.

"Okay, let's all forget about moving, that is not our news," Edward said in irritation.

Lilly pulled on Edward's shirt and asked, "Can I have dessert?"

"Just a second, sweetheart," he said and tried to continue.

"I hope your news is you're getting a party planner because these decorations really suck, I mean it is fine for Lilly, but most people don't decorate for one person, let alone the youngest guest. Well, actually Jackson is the youngest, but he isn't aware of how freakish the decorations are."

"They're not freakish," Lilly said to defend me….or more likely Edward. "And the easy bake oven is mine, but I don't know why there is a hamburger in it."

"Dude, you have a bun in the oven," Emmett laughed.

The room became quiet and everyone turned to look at us. Edward pulled the lid off the dessert and the room was absolutely silent.

"Come on you guys, do we have to simulate sex to get you to understand?" Edward said angrily.

"I thought…you…couldn't," Esme mumbled.

"We were not as incapable as we thought," I laughed.

"Remember, Edward can do it for an hour," Jasper teased.

"Yeah, and dressed in Bella's panties," Emmett added.

Rose laughed loudly and yelled, "Did you have to lick something on him first?"

My father was turning blue, so I told them all to stop talking. Lilly ran over to her mother and whispered in her ear. Esme nodded so she ran back to Edward and asked if she could make an announcement. He pulled out a chair and helped her stand upon it.

"I want to announce that I am getting a baby brother in November."

Every head in the room turned to Esme in shock. She was still so thin and I was going to be really pissed if she was a month ahead of me and not even showing. She laughed and explained. "Faith asked us to adopt her baby. We just found out it is a boy."

The room went crazy, everybody talking at once and trying to understand the stories being shared. My parents were so excited and my mom began tossing out family names.

"I'm thinking of having a natural birth," I said and every woman in the room burst into laughter.

"Women had babies naturally for centuries," I said in my own defense.

"And we used to travel by covered wagons, but somebody invented a car," Rose said shaking her heard.

"If you want to have it naturally," Edward said, "I support you."

"Dude," Emmett yelled in a whispered tone getting Edward's attention. He shook his head back and forth and mouthed the words, 'no way.'

"Bella, have it at our house," Lilly begged and we all laughed.

"She can't," Alice said to Lilly, "Her screaming will wake up your baby brother."

I looked around the room, happy, loved, and healthy. My parents were back together and would be able to see their granddaughter in the same home. The Cullens were more like family than counselors and their dreams of having their own family were coming true. Each of us had overcome our demons and had children to love and raise. Best of all, Edward and I were married; we had what we wanted most in the world.

After everyone left we began discussing a move. I loved my condo, the views were spectacular, but it wasn't a reasonable place to raise a child. The balcony would be dangerous and there was no place to play outdoors.

"Let's move close to the Cullens," Edward suggested.

I laughed and knew he wasn't kidding. Fatherhood was scary for him and Carlisle would add some comfort if he was close by. We sat at the computer and began looking for possible homes for sale. We found three that would be the perfect size.

The first one had a huge yard, but it had so many levels we would be forced to live in a house of security gates. The second had a readymade nursery, but it was painted blue with dinosaurs on the wall. The third one was perfect, but was right next door to the Cullens. I was afraid they would want their privacy and would feel we were too attached to them.

We were looking at the large deck in the back yard when Carlisle saw us. He came out of his house, onto his own deck, and called over to us.

"Are you looking to buy the house?" he asked in surprise.

"We're just looking," I said in embarrassment.

"Stop by when you're done looking," he suggested.

We walked next door when the realtor left, and if felt wonderful to be able to just walk a short distance and visit. Lilly answered the door and was more excited than anything Alice would have been able to exhibit. She grabbed Edward's arm and pulled him into the kitchen, rambling about all the stuff they could do together.

Esme hugged me with excitement written on her face. "Bella, it is a great house and this street is perfect for kids, it is quiet, friendly, and we have a great neighborhood watch."

"You guys wouldn't mind us being so close?" I asked and watched their faces for any reaction.

"I would love having more testosterone around here," Carlisle laughed.

"I could babysit," Lilly offered.

"Bella, don't be absurd," Esme offered in her best therapist tone.

I looked at Edward and smiled when he smiled at me with a slight nod of his head. I looked back at Lilly and said, "It looks like you get your favorite guy next door."

She squealed with excitement and hugged me tightly. I felt like I was walking on air. I was getting everything good that life had to offer, and began believing all my troubles were gone with the waves.

We made an offer on the house and had a message from the detective in Chicago when we got home. He wanted us to know Jane had been arrested, and both her and her pimp, Laurent, were agreeing to plead guilty for a lesser sentence.

Edward was all for it, due to the fact he would have to get on the stand and admit he picked up a hooker. I only wanted them punished, I wasn't out for revenge. Edward's sister, Jane, was having a harder time dealing with it.

Edward spent an hour talking with her on the phone and convinced her to seek some help. I was so proud of all the growth he had made. I was holding him in my arms that night and he began to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"We're all grown up," he chuckled. "We're married, having a baby and getting a mortgage. Shouldn't I be feeling more pressure, instead of less?"

"We were never normal," I pointed out.

"I guess crazy works for us," he sighed.

"You were crazy, I was abused," I defended.

"I wasn't crazy, I was loved….into crazy," he finally admitted.

"I'm going to spend forever with your crazy ass," I told him as I pulled him to me and loved him for the second time that night.

We moved after taking time to repaint the interior of the house and put together a nursery. Alice and Rose both wanted to help, but I wanted something totally my style for my daughter. Edward painted music staff's around the room and I filled in the notes of nursery rhymes.

Giant instruments made of stuffed cotton were attached to the walls, and a crib shaped like a piano sat under a canister spot light. Whenever I couldn't find Edward, I knew to look for him in the nursery. He was so anxious for our daughter to arrive.

That Christmas we decided not to put up a tree. The baby was coming any day and I didn't want to worry about cleaning up the mess of a tree. Edward and I were up at midnight, staring at the falling snow and celebrating our first Christmas together.

We had known each other for so long, but never spent a single Christmas together. When the clock struck midnight he pulled a small wrapped box from his pocket and held it up. "What's that?" I asked with a smile.

"It's from Santa," he said and kissed my head.

I took the small box in my hands and quickly pulled off the wrapping. It contained a mothers ring with blue topaz circled in diamonds. "Edward, it's beautiful, thank you so much," I cried, because I was emotional from hormones and because I had the greatest husband in the world.

I pulled an envelope from the pocket of my robe and handed it to him. "I know I have been really dragging my feet on letting you purchase a piano, but there was a reason why."

He gave me an odd look and opened the envelope to see a picture of a little girl sitting at a beautiful black grand piano. "It's my mother," he said although it only showed her from the back.

"I found out the piano at the foundation was your mother's childhood piano. It's being shipped here, Jane helped with the arrangements."

He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "Thank you, Bella. This means a lot."

"I love my ring, and someday our daughter will give it to her daughter." I lifted my head and kissed him softly.

We stayed snuggled up on the couch and eventually fell asleep. I woke up just as the sun rose to an awful aching in my back. I tried to ignore it and took a shower and got dressed just in case we were going to be heading to the hospital.

Edward made some coffee and walked into our bedroom to see my stressed face. "Are you okay?" he asked with a hint of panic.

"I think we're having a Christmas baby," I said with a slight chuckle.

"Serious?"

"Let's just see if anything progresses," I said trying to remain calm.

When we saw lights on at the Cullens, we gathered our gifts and our cinnamon rolls, and actually drove next door. Carlisle laughed when he opened the door to see our car in the driveway. Then he looked at our slightly terrified faces and grabbed my arm to help me inside.

Lilly came quickly to the door, holding her baby brother in her arms, he was dressed in a little Christmas sleeper with a Santa hat, "Doesn't Cade look so cute?"

"Adorable," I agreed and had to stop talking to breathe through a very hard contraction. Edward was quickly falling apart and moved behind Carlisle as if he would suddenly be called on to deliver his own child.

"Edward," Carlisle said to calm him, "You have hours before this baby comes. Stay calm and let's all have a nice Christmas breakfast.

"Aunt Bella, please have the baby here," Lilly begged.

"No," Edward said quickly. "Your mother is taking Bella to a hospital far from here to have the baby."

I looked at him in shock, "You're not coming?"

"Esme would be much better at coaching and remaining calm," he said with an odd laugh and I wasn't sure if he was teasing or not.

Carlisle put his arm around Edward and said, "I can promise you, this is something you don't want to miss. You'll want to be the first to meet your daughter and when you hold her in your arms, it changes you forever."

Edward nodded as his tears spilled over and he reached out for my hand and took a deep breath. "Let's have a baby today," he said with a smile.

By Christmas night Edward was introducing our daughter to everyone who came to visit. We named her Ainsley Anne, after Edward Senior's mother. When the visitors left I scooted over so Edward could crawl into bed with me.

"We're parents, we have a daughter," I sighed in his arms.

"All of my fear is gone," he whispered. "I know my wife loves me, and I want my daughter to know I love her and will always keep her safe."

"Merry Christmas, Edward," I said with tears falling down my face.

"Merry Christmas, Love."

Five years later, I was standing by the stage of the Masen Auditorium, which Edward had built for the school. He was legal counsel and I was in charge of the school musical every year. I had my hands resting on my bulging stomach as my daughter Ainsley came running up with a sad face.

"Daddy won't let me sit with him on the piano bench," she cried.

"You can't touch the keys while he plays," I cautioned her and she insisted she wouldn't. "Go tell Daddy I said he is playing too fast, but you think it is perfect."

She ran over to the piano and I watched them talk for a moment before Edward scooted over and helped her onto the bench. He reached up with his hand on the back of his head and flipped me off.

"You should parent as a team, Bella," Esme chastised me.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "I heard Cade tell Carlisle, Houston and Jackson pushed him down, and Carlisle told him to push them back."

Esme tensed and her lips formed a tight line. When Carlisle walked up she looked at him angrily and said, "Why do you hate our son? Why would you tell him to push Houston, that boy could crush Cade?"

Carlisle laughed and shook his head, "Well, Edward used to hold his own with Emmett and he was a mamma's boy, so Cade should be fine."

I laughed at them both and Esme reached out and placed her hand on my belly, "Just wait until he arrives. There is something about a boy that just melts a mother's heart."

Lilly walked up to join our conversation and I hugged her, 'You look beautiful."

"I'm nervous," she admitted.

"I'm sure Angela is a lot more nervous than you." I told her.

She smiled and turned to Esme. "Mom, Cade peed on the bricks behind the auditorium," she told her.

"Why does he do that? " she stomped her foot in exasperation. "I don't know why we even bother buying him toys; he enjoys playing with his penis the most." She walked off and I laughed with Lilly.

"I think Houston taught him to do that," Lilly said.

"I think Emmett taught Houston," I laughed.

Lilly looked at her watch and took a shaky breath. She had finally asked about her mother and Esme had arranged for her to meet Angela. I couldn't believe she was fifteen. She was beautiful, sweet, and smart as a whip. Edward, Emmett, and Jasper were so protective of her and she loved the attention.

Carlisle walked through the door, holding a crying Cade, and Esme was behind him, walking with a crying Angela. I took hold of Lilly's hand and led her to her birth mother.

Angela took Lilly's face in her hands and whispered, "I've dreamed of this moment for years."

"Thank you, for giving me such wonderful parents," Lilly said softly, as she stared in wonder at the woman who looked so much like her. I watched as they threw their arms around each other, both crying too hard to speak.

Edward stopped playing on the piano and turned to watch; Ainsley took advantage of his distraction and began playing with the keys. He came over to where I stood crying and wrapped his arms around my huge middle.

"This is heartwarming," he whispered into my ear.

"I know, Angela is in heaven right now," I cried as I leaned back against his chest.

He rubbed his hands over my stomach and whispered, "No, this is heaven."

I turned to face him and smiled at the distance my stomach put between us. I ran my thumb along his cheek and asked, "Do you still need me?"

"You are my only need, love."

"I still love you with all that I am," I told him and he closed his eyes as if it touched him to hear me say it.

Our son kicked at that moment and Edward's eyes shot open in surprise and he laughed loudly. "He's a boxer," he said and leaned over to talk to his boy, "Go easy, you'll bloody your knuckles."

"Are you ready for diapers and long nights again? I asked him.

"I actually miss it; we may need to have a baby every couple of years."

"What happened to the guy who was terrified of fatherhood?" I laughed.

"All the good outweighs the fear, and there is just so much good," he laughed and looked over at his daughter.

Ainsley began playing louder and quickly moved into pounding on the keys with her little fists. "Play pretty," Edward called over to her and she went back to using her fingers.

He took hold of my hand and pulled me with him to the piano, "I'll play pretty and you sing pretty."

Everyone gathered around and we spent the evening reminiscing of our darkest times and our biggest accomplishments. Edward and I sang and the children all played and fought together. We were all fixed, finally, and life, although it wasn't perfect, there was just so much good.

**THE END**


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